smackie9

Might be a good idea to talk to a psychologist about this.

Sounds like a breakup is long overdue here.

It's just a phone plan....it will run out eventually and he will have to get his own. Some people don't want to pay the penalty breaking the contract or it's just a pain to take care of it. It is what it is.

IMO he didn't perform his role in your marriage. He totally stepped out on you and the kids. Yes it's alcohol related...he's gone down that alcoholic road and is making horrible life choices. I come from a family of alcoholics and what I see he's not in his right mind. Lost his way? Sure but never the less, you have more important things to do and that's getting a lawyer. His situation is not yours to fix, nor is it you to be blamed. This is the worst type of behavior, and he deserves to be served with divorced papers.

You say you are falling for her? So I guess you have put everyone's advice/comments on mute. You are not having any of it am I right? So she's having a hormone induced bad day. Those days, it wouldn't have mattered what you did, she would have something else to complain about. Your problem is, is that you let her get away with it, and you bent over backwards for her. If you want her to work on "changing the behavior" you better cut out being a doormat/push over. You want to win her love and respect, stop doing things for her like that. She can kick and scream, and you can give her the button. Then you can later explain you won't tolerate it. It will make her desire you more.

She may or not be cheating, but the writing is on the wall she wants out and to move on.

A messy kitchen? So what, that's the least of your problems. If she wants a convertible and borrows money from her step dad...that's on her to figure out how to pay that back. refuse to pay it. You are a push over...washing her car and all that crap. Put your foot down and say no. Stop paying for things. Just put food on the table and keep the lights on...that's it. She complains, say she does the bare minimum, then you are doing the same.

For the love of god just ask him if he ever thought about dating you and say you would be interested. Then let the chips fall where they may.

Tip: to be desirable is to be less available. Make it like you are moving on, be aloof, and don't talk to her much. Then let things play out.

Breakup...the only reason she's still there is the house and finical stability. Sell the house and move on. I'm pretty sure if you break the ice and offer this to her, she will finally exhale and be glad to agree it's time to go.

This is done and over with...move on. There is no reason to make you or them wait two years to pickup the pieces. By the time 2023 rolls around, you will be busy with someone else.

He's got the one year itch. The honeymoon phase of your relaiotnship is over, and being that young, he's seeing what else is on the menu. It can be as simple as a girl or girls noticing him. Let him go.

I get it...a death doesn't come without the guilt...you are here, enjoying a beautiful day, on a date with another man...that's a lot to take. Moving on isn't going to be easy, but over time it will.

This guy has no boundaries, that speaks volumes.

Deal breaker....I would have dumped him ages ago. Come on now, you have more self worth than that right? You deserve better. He is not worth your time. Kick him to the curb already!

I suggest you both sit down and just talk instead of assuming things. Hear out each others expectations and figure out a compromise. OP we need you in the conversation here. We are wondering if there's alternative jobs out there for you or if you can switch shifts with someone, is this a money issue, any in-laws that can offer help, how often you two have quality time together, etc.

He sounds like my mother. She's a narcissist/ bi-polar. She's a bully and it seems whenever she's in one of her moods, she wants to take me down with her. She will even send me passive aggressive emails to entice the encounter. And yes she says that too when I try to tell her how I feel about her attitude, she turns it on me and says "What I'm not allowed to feel this way?" This pisses me off, because it's all it is, is a diversion tactic. It become all about them. Your BF lacks empathy. When he is angry, he makes sure you go down with him. That you must feel his frustration and not allowed to be happy because he's not. He's years away from being anywhere normal. Get out now! Run away as fast as you can!

What you are feeling is normal. There's a lot of communication breakdown, and not meeting needs/expectations. Before throwing it all away, I suggest couples counseling. If he refuses, then you can tell him it's over. So he has a choice....work with you to fix this or breakup. I know couples that started dating when the were 12/13 years old. Once they hit around 20/21, things changed. They would split up, date for a little bit, have time to think, and came back together. They are all married with kids. Now I had that conversation with them that they out grew each other and need to experience dating, just like everyone here said, but never in my wildest dreams did I think they would get back together and go forth with marriage. So you have some thinking to do. best of luck, and let us know how it goes.

Religion and family is part of who she is, and who you are. None of you can give that up. Marriage is a blend of beliefs, core values and family right? So how is this to work? There's a big wide boundary between you two since the beginning, and you both ignored it. And now you have to face reality. This won't survive on love alone. It's plain to see this can't and won't work. Even if you "win her back" what then? The big fat elephant is still in the room, and there isn't a doorway wide enough for it to go through.

I remember how hard it was to leave a 5 year relationship. Thank god I didn't live with him, or it would have been impossible, because he was so manipulative. I tried to leave many times, and he would do everything to mess me up emotionally. It was terrible and I knew I had to get out. I simply waited when he wasn't around, left a note and the key in the mailbox, and blocked his calls. His friends came around to my work (I worked at a club) and they begged for him. Agh! so stupid! Anyways I stuck to my guns, and glad I did. You can do the same...plan your escape to prevent him from getting at you.

This experience should teach you a few things....don't bother with attached women, and there's still hope that you will meet the right one.

You both just need to spend time to think things over and cool down...no one is wrong or right, just different perspectives. You need to think over how you communicate, and so does he. Maybe regroup for another discussion or two later and ask him what he would like to see be changed in how you approach a conversation. It's typical stuff. Communication is so important. Everyone has their way which can lead to trouble understanding each other. This is what I see. If you don't understand each other, of course things will blow up into arguments every time.

Dude she's not "The one". She was on a rebound, ....she meets you at a party because she was feeling undesired and was looking for attention/ego boost. That's all it was. You are just infatuated and it's blinding you. All this is just a manufactured fantasy of your imagination. You sound a little lonely so I can see how you would get so caught up in this. Professing your desire for her will not have her fall into your arms. You will be left looking like a fool. Sorry you are going though such a confusing time. You are best to break away from attending any party she will be at. She's going to be out of the picture soon enough.

Gosh so sorry for your loss. You seem to have a lot of support from your family and friends. They know you best and it seems they know you are ready to get back out there. And of course they would like to see you happy again, living life, meeting new people. The best way to get through the first steps is to be is positive, don't expect a lot, and just have fun.

That's called stonewalling. Tantrums are for toddlers. This is a sign that this relationship is doomed. I know the cycle of abuse...they are good for a few weeks, and then they explode, act childish, and the hurt starts again. Wash, rinse repeat.