smackie9

No you are mistaken just like last time...Not "we" but YOU feel something amazing. She's just in it for the attention. She will get her fill, and toss you aside again. Don't be a shlep again. If she was that into you she wouldn't have walked away.

This guy can't be that bad if he's still part of the social group, and the friend is still civil to him. Why isn't she hurt because the social group is letting him be a apart of it? Why doesn't she kick up a fuss about that? or keep her distance from him? or ditch the group? OP questioning this is quite valid.

No the friend's story doesn't justify a reason why the OP should not date this guy. Why would she be hurt? It doesn't make sense. IMO the OP can date anyone she wants. It's not an ex BF or ex husband or a rapist. I think the friend is being ridiculous.

I agree with what has been posted here. There are times you just need to bite your tongue instead of fight to be right. And to know that even tho you feel you are doing the right thing, you are enabling. Have to learn to draw the line and say no. You were taken for granted.

IMO you were more than generous to offer the ones you had. They are so ungrateful, and ungrateful people deserve nothing.

Have you ever stop to think that your friend might be lying? That maybe he rejected her instead, or the possibility she was seeing him and he dumped her or she is trying to keep seeing him? She's mifted at him for something, but I don't think it was what she had told you.

No she didn't change over night...she has been the same person all this time...you just didn't see it. She has had people tell her what to do all her life. You do the same to her. Pulling up things off the net to make your case, to set her straight. You helping her out, staying at her place because she doesn't drive, you buy food, etc. like the other poster pointed out, she's never had an independent leg to stand on. And another reality is if you don't make it by 27, your chances of getting a career in music is minimal especially for a woman. you are right, your heart has blinded you. I hope you spend some time reassessing your investment here.

Any updates?

Emotional attachment is very powerful, but when you both go your own ways, and time passes, those feelings will pass too. You will look back and wonder what you saw in him. So don't let those emotions push you around. You are best to let go as hard as it might feel. You will be happier once you are released from it's grip.

This is quite normal. Mom talk: this will take getting used to. It may or may not last but keep learning, and experiencing things in life. It's not all bad, you will get through it. Things that seem big, will become small.

All you have to do is thank him for his honesty. Then proceed to tell him his behavior was inappropriate. Him being intoxicated, and having poor judgment is concerning. This time you will give him a pass but he's not off the hook...that this is a warning, and that there better not be a next time.

An interested man shows he's interested! You dodged a bullet.

She just revealed the latter of that conversation...if she posted it in the first place I wouldn't have made that post.

Guy is a total jerk.

Well why didn't you just say that. And why post about it here? You know what you need to do right at that moment...breakup and give him the boot. No brainer darlin. Reverse psychology seems to get the info out.

I have an out going personality..I try to not look at the ex as the enemy, even if I get snubbed. All my hubby's exes, I always wanted to meet them, and held my hand out to them with confidence.

He just sounds like he has that hyper type of personality...gets too excited and starts to say stupid stuff. You know doesn't think before he speaks.

Well I think he's a bit thick headed. I don't think his comment about being single was meant to be serious. He's just getting pissy with her. She knows he's not single. To settle this, invite her yourself. Call her. This will give you the opportunity to get to know her and form an alliance.

This is called diverting. He won't communicate, he just brushes over things to pacify you. Yikes!

I have been with my guy for over 30 years, and my advice is, you can't have a healthy long term relaitonship without both parties able to have compassion, show compromise, respect, trust, honesty, compatibility, empathy, and able to understand each other, proper communication, etc. All you have been doing is putting out fires in this relationship. Also putting up with his abusive outbursts, rude comments, towards you and your mother. Having to bite your tongue, look the other way, wait for him to cool down. This spells disaster.

Let me guess....he's the soul provider in this relationship....so your hands are tied?

He's acting like a coward. He would prefer to criticize and cut people down behind their backs. Nice guy.

You are being a shlep for letting her get away with all this. Most people would call "dating in secret" a big red flag and a deal breaker...she must be incredibly hot.

And this is the type of partner you want to spend the rest of your life with?

have you ever asked why? and ask what his solution would be?