majic1984

Thanks everyone here for all your help - especially you Oceaneyes. It's obvious that this forum has chosen some very knowledgable mods! Great information here.

This is a very large problem in our relationship. I always look for solutions to problems - even though they aren't my own and constantly offer my oppinions on her choices even though she didn't ask for it. I feel that it will be very difficult to let go of this - as it is almost instinctive for me. I do this daily without even thinking about it. I really want to make an effort to stop and I don't want to keep pushing her further and further away - how can I prove to her that I want to stop pushing. We have had talks about this in the past and it always seems that no matter how hard I try, it comes out of me and I end up pushing her to do things I want.. things that I see are good for her future and that I want her to see and change. Sometimes I just feel like I have to do more than support her - because I see her life going by the wayside as a result of some of the choices that she makes. Should I go see a councellor about this problem?

Technically she can, and I have suggested this before. The thing is that I live with my 2 older brothers and she seems to think that by living there, she will become a burden and that it will just reinforce my dependancy on my parents. I am generally talking about my apartment.. I am willing to make a change and to take a jump into the unknown if that equates to happyness for the both of us. Most definitely. Thats a very good question. I'm afraid of the monetary strain it would put on me (especially if I have to move to an apartment with her), I'm afraid that I won't be able to provide for the both of us, I'm afraid that once we get engaged... the next step will be a wedding which she will try to push to get within the next year (instead of waiting it out like I had planned). I probably couldn't even talk to her about planning a wedding - she hates how I plan everything out to a "T".

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. I'm currently 21 and she's 19 - I rent a house and she will come and stay with me for about 3 days a week. We're both going to the same college, It's finals time and a very stressful around here. It seems like one day she's fine and the next, her emotions completely change. After she left my house Thursday I hadn't heard from her until last night, when I kept calling her and finally went over to her house to talk to her after none of my calls were returned. Well I got to talk to her face to face for about 5 minutes because she was sitting in her car about to leave when I pulled up - she had to go pick up her friend's mom. Later, I call her again and talk to her by phone since she wasn't at her house last night - then I got to speak to her for longer and she revealed some problems. I really didn't know there was a problem - but apparently are a few of them.... First she says that I'm afraid of commitment. Well, I must admit that I am - this is mostly because I don't have much money and law school is only 1 year away. My problem comes in that I want to be able to provide the best for her in every possible way - I want stable income and a great job before I even ask her to get married. I once had planned to propose to her after law school but I was thinking that maybe this is too long and that maybe I am wrong about wanting to be so stable - so I was going to propose to her next year. She thinks that waiting 4 more years to propose is insane.. because if you love someone, all of that shouldn't matter. I don't know what I can do on this one... she keeps telling me that she'll wait for me no matter how long I take, but everytime we get into a fight she always plays the commitment card - apparently this bothers her a good bit. She also says that she wants me to get an apartment with her right now. She says that I am too attached to my parents and that I should grow up and start living with her. Right now, I live in my parents' old house for $100 a month - I'm very comfortable here and don't really want to move. Problem is... what am I going to do when I go to law school... they don't allow students to work the first year of law school, so how will I be able to afford living in an apartment with her? Am I wrong to want to stay in my house and take the "easy way out" as she calls it? She also says that I need to support her more. This is where we really differ in views... Support for me is motivation - I don't mind and actually encourage people to push me to succeed. She has recently been making bad grades in school - as a result of working 2 jobs at the same time to pay for her car note. I check up with her nearly every day and ask her how her grades are because it is important to me that she graduates college. She now has lost her scholarship and I am very disappointed - I feel as though I could have done something more to help her out. She said that I needed to stop asking about her grades and pushing her, and start supporting her - because she has no where to run to when she needs support. She says that she has been lying to me this whole year about her grades telling me that they were better than they are. She says that she's afraid to tell me things like that - and that she doesn't want to be afraid to have to tell me those things (because she knows I wouldn't approve of them). What should I do? She says that she never gets her way in these types of situations- because I am a control freak. She said that I act like I listen and then do nothing to fix these situations. As you can tell, we come from very different families... I was given many things that she was not - like a car, insurance, and a cheap place to live. She's not that fortunate and has to pay for everything. I realize it's very hard for her, especially working 2 jobs and going to school. I want to help her out but end up pushing her to do her best when she says that she is already doing her best - but nevertheless, I continue to push. I am a control freak and come from a very competitive background. I'm so afraid of taking chances that I believe would result in a complete life change - I am very comfortable where I'm at right now and want to stay there for security. I really need some help here.... Thanks for listening, Michael

Yes man... the skin on your penis takes a long time to heal (2 weeks or so.. sometimes even more if you don't treat it right). Next time just be a bit more careful.. make sure to keep some lotion on it so it doesn't chafe again!!!

Damn boy... you rubbed yourself raw... next time use lotion

Haywire, go try this. Go run/jog.. (about a mile or a bit more until you are breathing hard and your legs are sore a bit). After your run, sit down, take some time to meditate... close your eyes, imagine that your soul is in another place (not on this earth). Now, take deep breaths... breathe in everything that is going right in your life... now breathe out everything that is going bad. Think about how beautiful things are around you.. think about how valuable you are, think about everyone you ever knew.. love those people and love who you are. Everyone is a person of their own.. everyone has special talents and is beautiful in their own right. You still have talents that you haven't discovered... go out and discover those hidden talents. You are a great person, and so are the people around you, even if you wish not to admit it. If you find yourself in the same depression again, go run again.. sit down and meditate... I find this helps conquer alot of things.. it helps to slow your life down and think about the things that matter most to us sometimes. Good luck buddy. I would also recommend getting and reading "The Purpose Driven Life." It has helped me answer some of the questions you seem to be seeking with religion, it has told me not to seek things from God. God does not always show his might in the form of gestures to you. Life is a test.. live your life to serve him as best as possible. Do not expect God to provide you with all the answers. He is there, if you seek him, he WILL look you in the eyes. However, you must be willing to see through his eyes and follow his ways. He is there, although he may not seem to be there right now, he is still there.

Wow marton.. thanks for the info, this is a very good idea.. I think I might just have to try this out! I've been meditating alot lately.. that helps too. I like to go outside, sit down, think about the world around me, think about love, toss away all the anger and hate, think about how lucky I am to be in this world and to experience the things I do. With every breath I take, I imagine that I am tossing out the old and breathing in the new.. I find that this is an awesome thing to do.. especially after a nice run or jog!