Jen524

Take it from me, I was just dumped by ex of 4 years and I am all those things your ex is breakenhearted and all that. When he calls he just opens all the wounds he made, all over again. I always feel like oh he is thinking of me, or he misses me. Its not that, he just can't stand the thought he hurt me, so he calls. If you don't want her back, don't call. You are confusing her everytime you call, and I bet your hurting her more. You can call once or twice over a course of a long time, but don't make it a habit. You lost the right to know how she was, when you dumped her. She has to get over you to be friends. Then she can call you. I mean this in a nice way, I had to tell my ex to stop calling me, and it was so hard. I feel for your ex, it does hurt. But she will get better with time and then you can be her friend.

You sound just like my ex kinda. Not talking is your mistake. You can't go quite if something makes you mad. You have to talk about it. She is only being that way, because you let her. She doesn't know she is making you mad, if you don't show her you are mad. Talk to her, tell her how you fell. My fiance fell out of love with me when we moved in because he never told me when something bothered him or what he expected. I'm not clingy, but with him it was how I ran the house and what I expected of him. I only did the things I did because I didn't know it was something he didn't like. I would have done just about anything he wanted or meet him half way because I love him. He never said and he let if build for a year, and I think he felt the way you did. She may also be stronger if you point out how clingy she is, maybe she will see it bothers you and she will make an effort to be better, but if she thinks you will come running to her aid and make it better she will keep doing it. Talking is so key to make any relationship work, and I wish that my ex would have just talked to me. You will never have good relationship if you always approach it this way, you will never find someone who will do everything you like, you have to talk it out an meet half way. Hope this helps, cause if my ex had talk to someone about what he was feeling maybe they could have helped. You are doing the right thing by trying to make it work. Love is work.

This is really great advice! One should follow this, everytime they get dumpped. It's all true and as hard as it is to hear, it should be followed.

If you have read my last post how to heal, then you know that my fiance has left me after 4 years of being together. We shared a house, and I am still living in it. My problems is this... he comes over when he can, to get his mail (that I could mail to him), he mowes (which my dad could do), and he wants to help fix up the house so we can sale it(which my family could do). All of this hurts me, every time I know he has been to my house with out me there. He won't let me do any of these things, like mail him his mail, he wants to come to the house and do these things. I don't understand it, and he still pays the house payment so I can't say no don't come here anymore. Why does he still have to make contact with the house. He also gets more of his stuff everytime he comes over, stuff he doesn't need, I am starting to think he doesn't trust me with his stuff. I would never go there and hurt his things, never! He says it has nothing to do with me, but I wonder. It just hurts to come home and find things gone and to know he was there, and never told me. It's hard to heal this way. What can I do to handle this better. What can I say to him. Does anyone have any idea why he may want to come back to the house? I have never given him any reason to think I would become destructive, and I don't think he sees me this way. If he does then he doesn't know me at all. I just need some words of advice on what to do everytimes he comes back home. Thanks.

Well my story begins on Feb. 8th, my fiance just two month shy of our wedding looks me in the eye and says he doesn't know what he is feeling. Ok so I leave and think my world is over. Then the next day we talk and we decide to try and work things out (we have a house and a car and two dogs together). So for about a month I suffer living with someone, who I don't know how they feel. I sense something is different or wrong. On March 1st I can't stand it anymore and I make him tell me, what he is feeling. He says he isn't in love with me anymore. He has felt that way beginning in January. We have been together for 4 years, how in 1 month do you go from being in love to falling out of love. I just can't buy that. It doesn't happen over night, not 4 years of complete happiness. We were the couple you love to hate, really. We had everything in common and never fought and always had a good time. So he moves out, and I am stuck living in our house with the memories and his stuff. I am really suffering and he is just over me. He is fine and I hate it. I don't understand how you can love one day and the next be fine with out that person. I know I have to let him go, he let me go. His dad had a heart attack yesterday and I was the last person he called. When you love someone, they are always the first person you call, not the last. So he is reall gone, and really over me. I need to know what to do to heal, while I am living in that house with his stuff, and I have to deal with him while we sell this house. I can't get mad, because he has been so nice about it, he has been nothing but sweet. I hate that to, why can he just be ok with it, and not miss me or hurt at all. I know that time heals all things, but after 4 years it seems like there is no end in sight to all the pain. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks- Jen