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  1. Moveforward
    Greetings, I wish I had the answer. I'm 43 and going through similar emotions. I feel something is missing and I must leave, yet I don't want to hurt the one I am trying to leave. People here have advised me to remain strong and push forward. I'm trying to listen to my inner voice as to what is right. I'm still struggling, wanted to let you know you are not alone. Good luck
  2. Moveforward
    Had to chim in here. Men are visual - that's what excites us. Women are more emotional. neither is right or wrong just the way we , as a species, have evolved. There are studies on this as I have seen them in college - I can't tell you where right now to get the info. I'm sure a web search would revel things.
  3. Moveforward
    I certainly agree with the prev poster that a medical issue could be to blame. Though the description of the events sound very similar to situtaions I have been in MANY years ago. In my case I had a live in GF who was more than willing to provide sex. But still there was something missing, a kind of aggresive wildness (that's the only way i can think tp put it) that was only satisfied with other visuals such as porn. While I didn't totally reject my GF advances, it was difficult to get 'jump started', if you will, and have sex. Just some comments.... for what it worth.
  4. Moveforward
    I checked this discussion thread because it has a similar theme as what I am going through. I agree with the previous responses - they really make sense to me. Unfortunately, with my history of relationships take that with a grain of salt. I am struggling with a similar issue on when to know enough is enough. I've already had excellent inout from AVMAN, but If any of the responders to this thread would care to read mine and offer your opinions I would be honored and appreciative. (It's in the same category as this one, I assume you can find it on my username) Thanks!
  5. Moveforward
    So, like I said before my wife and I have gotten along for 2 weekends, about 1.5 weeks. A record for our 11 years of being separated. background: My Daughter (11) and my wife have been living with her parents for last 11 years ever since we split up. her father is having medical issues recently, and has begun some dementia episodes. So last night, my wife says that stress at her parents is too much for her and that she may not be able to wait for me to make a decision about her moving into my house and that she may need to move out soon - rememebr we have only gotten along well for last 1.5 weeks. Anyway: I think I did a good job of listening to hear and sympatizing with her but then she said she may need to move soon and will probably go to a differnet town that I am in (closer to where she works). This got me annoyed, it reminded me of how little legal rights I currently have, and why would she immediately jump to moving to another town and be so quick to put space between me and my daughter? I agree she can move wherever she wants, but she jumped on that so readily it pissed me off. When I was looking at houses I tried to discuss location in regards to school district, what would happen if we wern't together etc. That was one of the reasons I settled where i purchased - in same school district and town where my duaghter and wife currently are. She also said that wherever she moves it willbe for a while since she doesn't want to be a 'traveling gypsy'. Oh well - evening didnt go too smoothly. Today I said that i wanted to have Daughter alone this weekend - she said NO. again, I seem to be at her whime sometimes.
  6. Moveforward
    Well, appears not many want to add their 2 cents worth. Update: for the last 2 weekends the wife and I have had NO arguments at all. I must admit that this is extremely unusual. The wife attributes this to her hormone treatments for her hormone imbalance as well as the activities she has begun around improving the marriage via the previous mentioned web address. My daughter is begging to give it another chance. Wife says she will not move into the house unless I say OK and unless all is OK relationship wise. When I say to her that this is a similar pattern as in previous years, she counters saying that it is NOT the same since the hormone treatment and the specific steps she is taking are different - certainly this a true statement. She begs me to hang on for a while and see how it improves. She is very insistent that I'll feel better as time goes on and we don't fight. I'm struggling with how I feel internally - i.e. have I just had enough and can't continue? Am I really in love with her anymore? Etc. Difficult sole searching needed. Regardless: I wanted to give all an update Thanks
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    Greetings, Hopefully others will read this thread and give some comments - I dare you all ! Apparently my wife has now read a book and contacted the author. She is convinced things will change. This is definelty a familiar pattern - but now 'things are different'....so im told...anyway: here's what she is working with now. link removed I do respect her drive to stay together, but just as I said before, I really question if I have just had enough over the time. I have No motivation left to try anything. I will keep all informed and look forward to your vairied opinions. Please comment with your thoughts.
  8. Moveforward
    Avman, Hopefully I didn't imply that I felt you monopolized. Your thoughts, comments, and wishes are always apprieciated and welcomed Thanks!
  9. Moveforward
    yes, frankly it does all sound fishy. I can honeslty say that I do believe her to some extent. She was diagnosed late december. This occurred after I tried to break it off then, and she went to her doctor and demanded some investigation. A specialist was brought in, and this diagnosis occurred. They have been trying to get her into balance since. She has been nicer latley - but guess what? that has happened in the past as well, whenever I tried to break it off she gets nicers - for a while. Similar pattern coupled with a somewhat plausable story of a medical issue. yes, she has been told that she has probably always had this syndrome so hence our 11 years of issues.. So now I'm hearing 'ghive more time, we havn't tried this approach before'. Thats' it in a nutshell. I can certainly see how you would be skeptical - I'm getting that way too. Of course I didn't want to see her this weekend, but I'm getting hammered by my Daughter to see 'mom' since it's valentines day. Another familiar pattern - it';s never a good time to break up! I have a counseling session set for 3/5. Looking forward to it Comments welcomed. Has anyone else been reading this thread also? Please feel free to chime in! Thanks Mike
  10. Moveforward
    Boy this is a challenge! My daughter was emailing me all last night with her comments about giving it another try, and I am doing the wrong thing, and don't I love them anymore, I should be giving it another try, etc, etc. The wife is saying we should give it another month - she has found an action plan that will make us happy again. Of course I need to move into my house over the next month so by default that means she'll be around to help. Frankly i've become so frustrated with the last 11 years that I can't imagine being together! I don't know if I've mentioned this before - but she has recenlty been diagnosed with Excessive Estrogen Syndrome (EES). She claims a side effect of this is anger and hostility and that a lot of our problems stem from this. Ok, I researched it and it seems like a legit medical issue- now she is being treated and she does seem calmer. but we have such history, I'm feeling that enough is enough! Ive waited so long, passed up relationship opportunities, argued every holiday and vacation, and generally feeling annoyed with everything even if we dont argue. I would like to be free of these hassles. Maybe it's just 'running away' So...bottom line...she is asking me to slow down and wait some more. I've also made an appointment with a counsler for myself to help me understand these issues. Thanks - feels better to talk
  11. Moveforward
    Well, I've been on the phone all morning with the wife. She is very upset and almost impossible to deal with. She was offering deals of more visitation with my Daughter if I could give it more chances. Finally I said enough! (spurred on by your 'puppy dog' comments) and I said we needed a separation as I was sick of being in this legal limbo. She called me back later and (at least for now) agtreed to seek mediation. As I understand it a mediation service will help work through a legal separation agreement which then needs to be signed off by an attorney. I feel good - this is moving in a better direction. Thanks for your continuing input and help. Anyone had experience with mediation vs a lawyer driven separation?
  12. Moveforward
    You're right, I do feel like I'm following her lead most of the time. Guess i was just trying to come to a mutual understanding, do this in the least argumentative way, etc. Also, I suppose I was holding out hope for something to happen and we could all be happy with our issues resolved. it is hard to imagine that though
  13. Moveforward
    Well, I took my wife to the house closing. I new inside that this was not right! But I did it anyway. Later In the day I tried to end it again, that turned into a big argument with her just insisting to give here another chance. Same old story. Later I was out with friends from work at ahappy hour. (wife not there). My daughter started sending me text messages on my pager saying 'I was runingin everything she has ever wanted' etc. The messages came from my daughters email, but who knows if wife had anything to do with it. later at 4:45 AM on Saturday my wife shows up at my apartment with my daughter and says they cam over 'because they were worried' . I coulndt believe it! So i let them in and we went to bed. I couln't throw them out. next day they are helping me pick out paints for my new house. Wife and I didn't fight entire weekend. EXTREMELY unusual for that. So she says 'See, we can get a long' Letting her help with the house is just leading her on I know, am I a jerk or what!? Am I being used here? This feels like a constant battle to try and end this. Why am I a sucker for her tears? I'm starting to think the only way I can do this is cut all ties and just call my lawyer
  14. Moveforward
    Avman: yes, you do make sense. And you are right - i don't like hurting people so I am trying to avoid that, which I'm sure has perpetuated this situation. Why would I perpetuate something that hurts? Excellent question. Logically i wouldn't - so I'm not sure why i do. I suppose one thing is that the wife keeps arguing that things will work out - especially if we start living together in a house, and the other is i try to avoid getting her, and my daughter, upset. You're right of course, short term pain is likely better than long term. As it turns out my wifes father has just recently gotten very ill. The wife (I'm avoiding using her name intentionally) is saying that if I break everyone up now - that would just be too much for her and my daughter because of her fathers illness, and that her father may actually blame hereself. (Wife and daughter live at her fathers). I'm trying to keep these situations separate, which I truly think they are. But that's the story I'm hearing right now. I must deal with this. I know you're right - I'm just finding this difficult.
  15. Moveforward
    Thanks again Avman. I can not argue with your logic - for some reason I'm having a hard time carrying through. I havn't had many relationships in my life before getting married. I'm closing on my house tomorrow and, at first, i didn't want the wife to attend. i won't say she insisted, but she said this was a key moment in my life and she wanted to share it with me. She also wants to go ahead and help me paint some rooms (along with my daughter) before I move in. I've tried to make it clear that our relatioonship is all but over - but she she insists that this will be some good tests for us and we should keep trying. I'm afraid that letting her participate in these activities will just get her more emotionally attached to the home, and make things more difficult. I can't honeslty tell if shes manipulating me or just really feels that's it's OK to go down this path. Ug.
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