Coily

Coming from a business background I can definitely see your frustration here. Especially that creeping feeling that she's trying to use your knowledge and when she's making money give you the boot, I have had a few customers early on do that. It's maddening.

At Tattoobunnie mentioned you need to lay out some business goals, based off of what she wants. Explain pricing models to her, without giving away your "trade secrets". Personally I would probably quit for that level of wage and the overbearing nature of the boss.

Since everyone is hung up on the "you're hot" I'm going to skip the heck out of that very minor flaw in this conversation.

Along with refining your approach in striking up a conversation dependent on where you are, i would build on Lost's proposal of the business card. Which is the old fashioned calling card, it's very simple, has your name, phone number, and/or some social media (if that's what you're into). It's a touch of class without exposing your information too much.

The calling card also gives you an opening to ask for her number.

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

Ever heard the Nat King Cole version of this Coily? 
 

x

The lesser version? I have, it was the one I was most familiar with.

Also a mix of sad, but also a fond memory of a great romantic evening and dancing.
 

On that sort of Rotation for me.
 

Without any context it's hard to say. If he's an investment banker and you are a bio mechanical engineer offering an opinion on how he should proceed with a stock purchase... Not really a strong argument for your side. Conversely him advising on you designing a new heart valve would equally treated.

That's amazing news!

Some guys do use condoms for that exact purpose, it's a different feel and clean up is super easy.

Heck, I've made balloons out of condoms, this seems like you have existing suspicions or want to be suspicious of him.

Sorry, not sorry to disagree with just about everyone here.

It's not the specific number, as much as it is the perception how little value sex has to you and for enough men it's a sign of how much you value yourself. The old saying that women gate keep sex, and men gate keep relationships, usually holds up.

Should you parade that number around, no. But if it ever becomes a topic of contention in a relationship; would you want to be deceived?

You are living with an addict. They are unpredictable and temperamental, which leads to abuse. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be exactly what you are going through.

The only things that aren't abuse in my opinion is his weight gain and dealing with customer service. Everything else is a form of control or intimidation, which given his proclivities for drug abuse are unsurprisingly abusive. As there are no kids, you need to seek help to extract yourself from this.

They sound insufferable. If I were in your position I would be tempted to hand them fliers from the hokiest "conversion therapy" ads, any time they bully you.

Joking aside, you need to ask them point blank why that can't accept who you are. You have you likes and dislikes, why is it so important to them that you conform to their lifestyle. In short, become a bit hostile to their bullying.

This sounds horribly manipulative on her part, having a tantrum because she wants to get her way is very unappealing in a spouse or even a girlfriend.

Any marriage that would come of her pressuring you would likely end in divorce, as it wouldn't be about mutual respect and love; it would be her making demands with the threat of divorce.

Move on, you deserve a woman who can respect your boundaries.

Wanting an apology from this guy is just not practical. It's like you are clinging to some modicum of control that will never happen. That is going to hut you more in the long run than it will him. Let go.

it's rare to be friends with exes. Take it as a sign to push on.

Where is this anger directed? has she generally been angry at the world, you, the child, or? From reading this she has always had anger problems, and they have been exaggerated since your child.

How is your communication?

38 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 

I woke up and it was snowing. Almost was looking like a green Christmas. Put a smile on my face to see the winter wonderland for Christmas time! 

That sounds amazing!  I am having a tan Christmas. Haha

Merry Christmas Eve All!

I once worried about that too, really was bothered by it. However it doesn’t matter with the right woman! I am dead serious, the right woman will see sex as something that will be special for you. 
 

I didn’t realize that until afterwards with a fantastic lady, who really communicated with me. It was great and I was a few years older than you.

I think this is another case of misreading her, without knowing it.

Short story long: Her actions and body language were meant as friendly and polite; she probably thinks of you as a safe colleague to be around, thus smiles more and is warmer. We men (Ok I know I have) read this as her being interested romantically; rather than relaxed and comfortable (maybe too comfortable). There are some women who don't know/care that they are being perceived as opening that flirting door by being warm and friendly. A lot of men, because of the structure of human social interactions, will take a smile and a look from a woman as her eyeing you up for a date.

So mark this down as lesson learned and option explored, there is nothing wrong with asking. Now you can relax and just be yourself around her, she said no, now you can find a woman worth your time.

All you needed was him asking for sex on the next date. To know what he was interested in.

Now some guys do want sex and a relationship, but they don’t ask or beg. It happens naturally when you both are into where things are going.

Dont look back on this one.

I’d say don’t sweat it. Too many people get wrapped up in a static view of their finances or desires.  Being a good husband or wife tends to motivate the other spouse into improving the situation for all, from my observations.

So look to have a good wedding, not the most lavish. Do something that has meaning for you two.

Place to live, now that takes foresight; but you don’t have to stay there forever. Now in the UK and Europe it’s more difficult to have housing mobility, but in the US you have options.

As for a child, also don’t get wrapped up in planning everything. One friend of mine sweated every detail with his wife and they made themselves miserable. another, she and her husband adapted and are thriving.

Up until his ghosting, I was thinking maybe the two of you were having a conflict of communication styles. Possibly he took “I want progress” as you moving in, etc, etc.

However it’s painfully clear he was okay with the status quo and really didn’t think he wanted to invest more into companionship. Which that’s all it was to him.

You saved yourself a lot of time, and hopefully some lessons for the next better guy.

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Yeah yeah you people keep saying its all my fault. I get used to that kind of stuff. But i know its not all my fault. 

"You people" as in fellow Christian?

You are unwilling to take what is intended as very kind hearted thoughts and opinions. Then you lash out in wrathful ways. You engage in Acedia when others are trying to help you gain perspective and hope. You have been dealt a cruel hand no doubt, but you have not sought Grace.  Your faith is not a weapon to use against others who want give you charity and kindness.

I would hope that you will see this as not an insult, but as genuine aid. But I figure you will read this as you will.
 

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Im not here to do apologetics. Only explain my reasoning. 

You brought in religion, where it shouldn't be on this forum. Insult people for not understanding your faith based argumentativeness. Then when someone brings up what is commonly understood theological terminology, you play coy.

I wanted to help you. Wanted to encourage you to find a better path for yourself. Try to be on your side. But oops.

Also very amusingly, you are engaged in Self Apologetics right now. 🫠

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Can you understand why i hate my life? 

You do understand what "Apologetics" are correct?
WikiPedia: Apologetics (from Greek ἀπολογία, lit. 'speaking in defense') is the religious discipline of defending religious doctrines through systematic argumentation and discourse.