I am new here and just stumbled on your dialogue. It helps me too. My boyfriend and I have been back and forth about porn for about a year. Once he stopped looking out of respect for me, but after a while he started again without telling me. I can never tell if my objections are based on moral reasons (consuming it encourages its production, and I often find it degrading to women) or on my own jealosy about him looking at other women.
I'm 23 and am for the first time seeing my body change a little. All my life I've had great self-esteem, but for the first time I feel that in jeopardy. I am by no means out of shape, but I know that as I worry more about my looks it bothers me more to find out he's been looking. At the same time, he notices the small changes starting to happen to my body, and because there is a good chance we'll get married one day, it really scares him.
I guess my question is this: he hides it from me now because I've given him no choice (by getting angry because I felt betrayed). And his hiding it makes me feel more betrayed, a bad cycle. How can I break this bad cycle? I've thought about trying to watch with him, but want to be sure if we rent a movie it won't have any degrading things- that would set me back further I think!!!
Sorry to ramble- let me know if anyone has advice!
Sassy lass