Jade Chan

Hi, I too have the similar situation as yours. My wife and I married for 14 years with 2 children. She loved me dearly for the first 4 years, then after the first child born, she loved the children 100%, and didn't love me anymore in the recent 10 years, not even interested in sex anymore, not even allow me to touch her. I have observed from my own and many of my friends' experience that (not a sex discrimination), women before 18 loved their parents mostly, then they love their boyfriend/husband mostly, then after first child-birth, they turn to love their children 90-100%!! Correct me if I am wrong. I was lonely, I had mistress. Then the wife found out, I had to leave my most loving and caring GF for the sake of family and children. Children are the mostly important consideration!! How would you like to live in a broken home? How would you like your children to live in it? I had to leave the best dream girl I have ever met who loved me crazy too. SAD. But I think this is the only GOOD THING to do for men. We men have to sometimes sacrifice ourselves for our family abd children. Right? Now my wife is giving me sex and be with me all the time, spend a lot of time going out with me to movie and dinner like 14 years ago, after she found out the affair 2 weeks ago. Ha!

It sucks, it is really the most terrible/tragic thing in life when two people love each other dearly but cannot be together or even see each other. I am having this kind of feeling/problem right now. Sometimes, we cannot just simply run away from our own responsibilities. I know the feeling too. But in your case, you are still better than many people, that you can see each other without problem. Then, what is the problem? As long as you love each other, marriage is not an issue. People marry and love, but they keep break up and divorce all the time. Be together, marriage is not a problem, right? Many people don't marry and still stay together for the rest of their lives.

During the past few days of turbulence. No one gave me any advice or helped here. Nevertheless, I would like to update you that: Today there is a break through, the mistress finally called me and we worked out a plan. We agreed not to see each other. But we will call each other once per day for the rest of our lives, and we will practice Platonic Love until my wife dies of natural illness many years later. Meanwhile, I am still supporting her financially and mentally, she will wait no matter how long (1 yr, 2yrs, 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 yrs) and she will go to school to study, probably see your ex-boy-friend as casual lover (since I have my wife, fair). She said she is glad that I finally chose to stay and mend the relationship with my wife and family, because if I chose to be with her and make divorce with my wife and children, she will not love me that much - because one day I might leave her for other woman, that make her wait to wait for me. Time really heals!!! In our Chinese society, there were too many cases of platonic loves. I believe it will work. Thank you guys for sharing your stories here and listening to me. My wife and children forgave me and we are back to normal life. Mistress is stable now. Thank goodness. Bye............

Dear Ladies, I am sorry to intrude. I need advice from ladies so that I know what is best for ex-mistress. My wife found out my affair with mistress last Sunday, I had to break up with mistress, now she is not eating but crying for a week now. She begs me not to break up, or at least call her once per day and be her friend, see her at least once per week. She still needs my financial support, and she needs my mental support for now (she is very unstable), then how can I leave her completely? But if this go on, I will probably prolong her pain. A catch-22 situation. What should I do?

Similar story like the US film "Pretty Woman", except I have a wife and 2 children, sistress is pretty, and I am OK, my wife is rather ugly. I need advice. Many thanks. Meanwhile, sistress and I am still communicating secretly through email, hand phone & SMS. She wants to wait, wait till my wife dies one day out of natural illness (as my wife is full of illnesses in her life). But I feel sorry to have her wait for me, not knowing how long, 1 year, 10 years? 20 years? who knows. For this waiting time, she can't see me or go out with me, terrible. I offer her brother/sister relationship again like before, but she said it is impossible to go back, she wants me to call her at least once per day otherwise she could collapse or kill herself. I feel sad for her, and for my wife(she is also the victim here) and for myself (after experienced the greatest love in my life, my life changed like Gere, then have to go back to what was before, can you imagine that?)......

First, I ask all of you to forgive my poor English. I am a man from Hong Kong. 34 yrs old, married for 14 years, 2 children (9&6). Wife loves me and I love her, but she cared too much the children, neglected me for 8 years. I was lonely. Last November a girl 22 yrs old showed up in my life. She has no family, her father hit her often, she left home when she was 16, no schooling, now she is 22, and her boyfriend was playing her around for the past 3 years just as a sex tool, she was broke penniless and painful of love, and Hong Kong economy was bad for many years, and she wanted to study back in the school, she had no money and no choice and wanted to work as a prostitute to earn living and for schooling. Then I met her, and I stopped her from working as a prostitute, somehow I had feeling for her as brother and sister. I supported her as brother and sister (because I am rather comfortable financially), sent her to school, give her US$1025 per month, we were brother and sister, called each other brother/sister for 4 months, then we finally became lovers in a stupid moment after we kissed. Then for 2 and a half months, we had greatest time of our lives, she is a very caring, loving, wonderful person, and she said that I gave her the best things in her life, took her to cruise, helicopter, best restautants in town, and all kind of activities that she had never experienced since the time we were brother and sister. I gave her all the things she needed out of my heart, not just money. I gave her first security in life, first true love although time was short. And needless to time, I gave and she gave too. I have first experienced the best love, true love and her 100% involvement and her caring. My life changed completely! I work hard and a complete person, no longer a frustrated man grew up in a green-house of my rich family. Everything perfect and wonderful. Suddenly last Sunday, the wife found out, went crazy, almost collapsed, wanted kill herself. I mended the relationship and marriage for the sake of her life, children, and family and my company ('cos she held very important position in my firm) by breaking up with the sistress. Sistress is now in great pain. She still has US$22000 in her bank account which I gave her for 2 years support already in advance, and I promised to continue to support her. She said her loss of me and my love now is even greater pain than being a prostitute, homeless, or no schooling. How can I not support her now? She already lost me, and what then? Sorry to trouble you and caused a lot of time from you people. I need advice. She beg me everyday not to break up.......Sad.