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about2giveup

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  1. about2giveup
    I just keep thinking if I am patient she will come around. I sit and analyize constantly. The days she is so loving, caring, flirty it almost annoys me .. kind of feels like she is a tease. She knows how I feel about the whole thing. she always makes comments that " If I could have it everyday I would be happy" so she knows where I stand for sure. I think it is meno-pause in part but I think a bigger part is she ALWAYS puts the facts of daily living ahead of our intimacy. Its as if she is that sure I will never leave, the thing is ..she is right.
  2. about2giveup
    when we met we both knew we were in it for the long haul. Neither of us had truly felt that way with anyone else. We had both been thru a few relationships and knew that what we were feeling was something special. She was just turning 40 and I was 32. We spent every free moment together for the next 6 months or so. Then took the plunge and moved in together. We have had a great partnership and like all relationships we have had our moments. I am confident she is still in love with me as I am her. It seems the sexual desire just isn't there or isn't important. As for the change of life thing, hell how long does one use that as an excuse? As for me and the change.. well .. when i was 35 I had been ill and surgery took care of any woman issues, which forced my body into early meno-pause and let me tell you... the sweats were horrible..but my sex drive has never been altered. we did put on weight thru the years.. i thought that was the problem.. but we have lost between us 90 lbs and we are both looking like we did 10 yrs ago. I know we are busy, i know we have limited time, I know whatever I do won't change things. What I don't know is how long I can take waiting to see if we will be intimate or if something will be added to our weekend pushing my chances further away. But most of all I am tired of ppl thinking this is silly. I just need to understand what is going on.
  3. about2giveup
    actually this has been going on for some time and we are now 2 months shy to make it 11 yrs. sex counselor will never happen.. tried to get her to couples therapy and she flat out said we don't need one. The thing that confuses me is she always wants to cuddle, hug and she gives hundreds of smooches. She tells me whenever we are together how nice and sexy I look/am (whatever..lol) and she gives kisses (smooches) constantly. As for the age and the libido... I have been thinking about that alot lately. I am 43 she is 50 .. she is now going thru the change. I sometimes wonder if she has been going thru for sometime and wonder how much longer..lol.. I myself had been sick so all that girl stuff had been taken care of at a very much earlier age. I do believe with all my heart she loves me. I just think she is finished with sex. That my friend kills me and worse yet scares me.
  4. about2giveup
    children.. grown.. one... 21 senior yr in college. her body.. hell she looks great.. definitely not that. masterbating together I could never see her doing that.. I am game for anything. lol... I will continue to wait for her, she is worth it. hhhmm maybe its me she doesnt find attractive.
  5. about2giveup
    I agree 100% with you. There is ALWAYS a reason. I still try the spontanous things, get me no where. But it does get her the attention I feel I would be giving her if she was putting out. So, I guess she is good..lol... I have tried a few new things, lets just say.. thank goodness for my other girlfriend. Her name is my right hand.. lol... As for our shifts changing .. I don't see that happening for quite some time, that really shouldn't make much difference, it never mattered before we always found the time. I just wish I could get rid of the feeling that she doesnt find me attractive anymore.
  6. about2giveup
    No apoligizes needed. I have decided not to talk to her about this again, I don't like to rock the boat. I know she is aware of the tension, but I am sure she has figured out I concided.
  7. about2giveup
    I think I have tried everything. I am not hurting her, I mean I refuse to hurt her by pressuring her. So I have decided to try and be contant with what we do share. We exchange rings 10 1/2 yrs ago, I thought long and hard and am sticking by her for better and worse, in sickness and in health. I am not saying the lack of intimacy doesn't hurt me (cuz it does), I just refuse to hurt her by making it an issue anymore. So I will keep the pain to myself. I hope it gets better too!
  8. about2giveup
    update: It is now October 2007. My orginal post was 9-28-06. Let me begin with the last comments made. I am not putting pressure on anyone and I am NOT making like sex is the most important issue. If I were, would I still be with her and would I be looking for an answer or help. Please do not critize me, as if I don't care. You couldn't be more wrong. Is it wrong to want more? Anyway, No the sex has not improved, I have not mentioned sex and honestly stopped thinking all together she would be a person I crave for sex from at this point. I still love her with all my heart and our relationship is rock solid if you don't count the saddness I have at the end of Sunday when I am falling asleep wishing things would change. However, I agree with the fact she is more important to me with no sex then anyone could ever be with sex. From 9-06 to the present we are at 6 times. To those who will shake heads at the fact that I am counting. My response is. HELLO its not impossible to remember i have had sex 6 times in 13 months.. I am sure if you aren't in a relationship you could count how many times you were intimate with someone. I am not looking for the answer, I think I have tried pretty much everything, short of hurting her feelings to get her in the sack. I will not hurt her, I believe she loves me completely and whatever the issue, one could only hope she works thru it SOON. Any encouraging words, or out of the box ideas would be greatly appricated. Thanks
  9. about2giveup
    well.. it is months later and I sadly have to say.. things have only gotten worse. I was fooled by the valentine holiday into thinking things were going to change. I laid down the law and said I was done, if there was no itimacy in our relationship it was obviously over and we were just waiting out the inevitiable... but then we made love valentines day... and the following weekend... I was like wow.. twice in one month.. considering I am lucky to get it once in 2 months... but since then.. nothing..so we are back on track of the last 9 months and sex 4 times.. and damn 2 of them were in february.... there are many excuses, some even good ones.. but this amount is just sick at this point!
  10. about2giveup
    uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh This is nuts!.. I can't take much more!.. I am starting to wish the rest of our relationship sucked! Why do we have to have such a great relationship, and NO sex! What is it about me that apparently appalls her in the bedroom!
  11. about2giveup
    I agree moving into the spare bedroom is not my best idea. I have written that off. I don't think that will help me at all. I am in bed and asleep before she gets home from work and she is in bed and asleep when I am getting up for work, but the fact that I can roll over in the middle of the night and know she is there is very comforting to me. So why move into the next room and punish myself. As for the therapy I have not written that off, I think I am just afraid of facing what the therapist may say. Again, the whole idea of facing the truth I think will break my heart. I do see some subtle changes happening.. I think I will wait it out just a bit longer and see what happens before I get a bigger taste of reality.
  12. about2giveup
    I mentioned therapy to her, she will not go. She doesn't feel our little problem is in need for other ppls help. She is a very private person and would die if she even knew I was typing in here. She said if I felt I needed to go, she doesn't have a problem with that. what good is just me going? we had another nice weekend. " As sexless partners"
  13. about2giveup
    I am so confused... I know she loves me.. that is not the problem.. but, it seems I have been doing all the right things but some how we just don't get anywhere. All I want is to be intimate with my partner without all the complications. How long can one person be patient and loving without losing everything. Why can't this be as easy as it was when we first fell in love. I am losing my mind.
  14. about2giveup
    Wish life were as easy as the above scenario. In fact, the worse part of being stuck in a relationship, is that time does not forget, and the clock never goes back, don't waste your life. how painfully truthful that statement is. You definitely have me opening up the blinds a bit more and taking a much closer look at the outside.
  15. about2giveup
    I think I may agree with you.. and I think the only reason I am spending so much time trying to fix the unfixable is because as badly as I am hurting now, I can't imagine the pain I will feel when the reality of this hits me that I will have to move on. When I first saw her 11 yrs ago, I felt something I had never felt before. I honestly never believed in love at first sight until then. I can't let that go. I think I am afraid.
  16. about2giveup
    hello there and welcome. I will begin as if I was giving advice to my 20yr old daughter. You controll your destiny. Life is full of changes good and bad. I know you are hurting and confused. You have plenty of reasons to be. Now the most important thing to deal with first is "Everyone has worth, Everyone should be who they are" You may be confuse and afraid of losing people who you feel are an important part of your life. However, if they are who you think they are, they will accept you for who you are, and if they don't there are so many more people on this planet that will. Be happy, start doing a little research for things to do in your area that are geared to things more like yourself. As for school, work, and your secret love. Don't focus on each thing at once.. each day take it one step at a time.. you had it together before you found this out about yourself and I am sure you can do it again. Take baby steps. It will work out. I know these are all just words, but if I didn't believe them myself I wouldn't take the time to type them. Welcome to your life. Now don't fight it .. Enjoy it, rejoice! Most people live never really knowing who they are. You are ahead of the game!
  17. about2giveup
    well.. I thought for sure before 2006 ended.. I would have words once again with my partner and for sure that happened.. not exactly like I had planned. It got a bit out of hand and things were said in anger with resolved nothing and ended with me going to bed at 9pm new years eve. I did awake at 12:30 we talked to each other like adults. We are going to try to rekindle the sexlife and I love her too much not to give it a try. However, I will add we have only had sex 2 times in the last 6 months and NONE are this year yet. I do however feel like she is getting there .. things are just a whole lot warmer and cozy lately. I want to thank everyone for their imput.. I take the advice seriously and havent ruled out any of it at this point. Please keep them coming.. even if you think I need a good kick in the * * * to start again. thanks
  18. about2giveup
    I understand completely where you are coming from.. see my Threads (very little sex) and my advice which is you can do what I am/have been doing or cut your loses now. I am only holding out because in the beginning it was great. I can honestly say if it started off like it is now.. hell I would leave in a heartbeat. Its hard when as much as she doesnt want sex you want it. I know. good luck.
  19. about2giveup
    ok, so here I am. Still in the same situation as ever. I feel empty and like a broken record.The year is coming to a close and my partner and I are closing in on our 10 yr maker. (which would be good right?) however the past few years have begun to be nearly sexless and if you have read previous Threads it isn't looking good. So the year is closing and we will end with the same number of times of intimacy as last year.. lucky 13. Health, communication, romance, and bending over backwards to try whatever I could issues have all been tried, talked out or resolved and well ...... I think my name of about2giveup will soon be gaveup. My heart is breaking, my mind raising knowning what I may be doing come the new year and my body is numb just going thru the motions of my everyday life. I think all I have is a glimmer of hope, but it is all up to her now. I am done trying. OR Shouldn't I be???? Damn!
  20. about2giveup
    It took me a long time to come out of the closet and now 10 years out my life has been so much better. My fears of coming out were much less then I had thought they would be. Now my life is no different than anyone else. It seems to be if I am in the closet, that is how you are treated because people seem to know you are hiding something. which gives them the opinion if you are hiding it you are ashamed. Since I have been out I have had less gay slurs made around me and I am that one .. you know.. when people talk the gay talk.. I am the one.. people who don't know many gays.. I am the one they referr to and I believe I set a good standing for the gay community. So .. NO NO NO.. I would not take any part of my life and hide it again. So I couldn't date someone in the closet.
  21. about2giveup
    update: Pretty much all medical tests are done and turns out there was a small problem. Nothing that should now put a damper on our sex/intimacy life. we are now 2 days shy of 3 months sexless/intimacy. So last nite we get the not so bad news from the doctor.. I make a nice dinner and get a movie to celebrate. Now it is bedtime, Surprise Surprise, I go alone she comes in at 2am I get up at 5am. I know I had decided to give it until the new year and I will. It just seems to take the pain away a little when I type in here. Thanks for letting me vent.
  22. about2giveup
    ok.. I have decided to do the roommate thing.. BUT, not just yet. Turns out there are some medical problems that show some concern. I have decided to put my feelings and needs aside to give my 100% support to see her through without her having anything else to think about. I am sure she is or will be fine.. but while she is going though tests I don't think I would be such a good partner to dump anymore worries on her. Wish us luck and health. Again, thanks to all who have given input, each reply has helped in some way, if not just to show me I am not alone. Any additional suggestions or support is welcomed with open arms. Thanks
  23. about2giveup
    Honestly, I can't answer that. I can say that the thought of leaving her kills me. But the thought of living like roommates hurts just as much. I have thought maybe if things don't get any "closer" I won't leave her, but I will not continue to sleep in the same loveless bed. I will move into the guestroom for a while and try and figure things out from there. That way I will still be close to her and not get so upset that we aren't intimate since roommates aren't. Does that make any sense? Cuz honestly thinking with my head and not my heart I havent done in quite some time and truthfully I don't like it.
  24. about2giveup
    yes she knows how important the sex is to me, I have talked with her many times about it. I don't think she understands the gravity of it at all. Neither of us is more controlling then the other. We have a great relationship and have many responsiblities that we never renege on. I think she is that comfortable with our lives in the manner of what we have and what we have to lose that she is rolling the dice and betting I won't leave just for lack of sex . let me make it clear its not just the sex it is the intimacy I miss most. It turns out now that there is now an medical problem she has gone to few doctors and there is a situation. I accept that and I am not making light of it, however this problem is fairly new, kind of like its a security blanket now for her. Your advice that your therapist would give is awesome and I will fully ponder everything you said. I honestly do think there is some great information in there. thank you
  25. about2giveup
    Update..I am losing it. I really am not happy. I look around and think I am going nuts. How could we this content and happy and not be intimate. If she is having medical problems then why isn't she at least taking care of or worrying about my needs. I know that sounds selfish, but I can't help but think this is all a game at this point. When we talked months ago about the lack of sex she said "oh here we go again" and then I said it was the final time of me asking for sex. I told her after heated words .. " I will never ask you again for sex!"... now it almost seems as if she is waiting to see if I ever will, almost as if it is a game. Am I just going nuts now?
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