meeko

Hello chai714 Thanks for your reply. What happens when the 'forbidden' the risks, the sneakiness and excitment is gone ie: When the man leaves his wife for her ? How do they keep the relationship alive if it was built out of KNOWN ifidelity? I understand that some men like the idea of a mistress because they don't have the normal daily routines of family life surrounding them. The mistress knows not to call etc.... I've heard that approx 5% of these type of relationships last and that the men always find themselves banging their heads thinking what have they done.....losing their family and putting their children & wife through all the stress for what ????? LEARNING ???? I'd also like to hear from someone out there who has either lived though it, doing it or has actually reconcilled with thier partner after the fact ????

WHY CHEAT ON SOMEONE YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO LOVE ? ...PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT GOES THROUGH A WOMANS MIND WHEN THEY CONTINUE TO PURSURE A MAN EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW HE IS MARRIED WITH KIDS ???? I just don't get it ? Why prey on a man how seems vulnerable, obviously they seem to have problems in their marriage. Do women pity them or do they get a kick out of seeing a man down and out, showing feelings????? I met a man once who was very vulnerable, even came on to me , after taking to him I found out he was married....I told him he should go home and try and work things out with his wife, that if he's so unhappy confront her and tell her how you feel, she may not even know that you feel like this..... I bet if these women had this done to them .... How would they feel ??? IS IT KARMA ???????

Thanks Bethany I will stick to my word, I am trying to maintain a good relationship with him for the children, They do need their dad after all & it makes me happy to see that I am truly happy within myself to be able to look at him and not cry about what we once had.... A friend told me it's too early for me to call it quits, she knows what I've been through and claims he doesn't seem to really want this break up , but I'm not waiting here holding my breath for his return... I'm moving on and going out when I have baby sitters. I only wish he sorts himself out so he doesn't repeat lessons you are suppose to learn from. I would really hurt for him when and if he wakes up in several years time thinking ..... What have I done? I know it's not my problem, and I'm not out to fix him - I guess I do really love him and wish him the best !!!!! Cheers Meeko

Hello I have posted before in regards to my situation, thanks for the advice from you guys... I seem OK but It really irritates me that my X has not really thought through our situation... I mean we have a house , which he is still paying the mortage every month in lieu of child support but he still won't answer me if we are selling it or what? He has told me he is sort of seeing someone ( what's this sort of buisiness ) and I know he has set himself up in a little apartment way over the other side of town and living by him self ? We have 2 children (5yr & 18mth) and they are in my care 24/7 - He visits twice a week and I am not angry or vendictive towards him.... I have been told by his mother that he still loves me - well funny way of showing it ha? To tell you the truth I am happy within myself and I realise that it takes two, to drift apart, but there are also contributing factors such as life changes, outside influences and a major lack of communication between those who you are supposed to talk to..... What I'm trying to say is, what is taking so long for him to decide? - The other woman in his ear ? Fear that I may blow up at him like I have in the past? ( I 'm over that stage now ) HELP Last week I confronted him for the very last time - basically I said to him that I loved him with my heart and soul and I loved him enough to let him go and find is Happiness...... Told him that he was my best friend and always will be ... Our love will always be present in our children.. I see them every day. If he ever needed to talk , vent scream whatever that I'm here for him. Also stated that it was wrong of me to rely on him for my happiness and that happiness comes from within then shared with a loved one.... I said unfortunatley me living under a rock for nearly 2 years didn't help matters but it was the best I could do when my mum died suddenly (I felt like I had lost a limb ) then I found out I pregnant with our 2nd our house had no roof on it because of a major renovation and to top it all off, my dad was rediagnoised with cancer and died this year in June.......... Hello!!!! have I been through the wringer or what ???????? I'm still smiling !!! Still living because whatever life dishes out I'll handle it He actually teared up infront of me - Did I make him feel even more remoresful? Guilty? I really truly didn't intend on it! I wanted to show him for myself , that I am the person he had fallen in love with again !!!! I held out my hand to console him & he moved away - then I actually walked up and hugged him! He did hug back to my surprise. I said if he wanted to judge our relationship of 9 years based on the last 2 then it was for him to decide, I on the other hand don't. I wanted to try NC but I can't because of the children ........ What to do ? Cheers Meeko

Hi Itsallgrand I'm new - I know that feeling of being SICK all to well and the constant reminders of an X I have 2 children, and I see the love we had in them everyday. It's only been 3 months since what he calls his mistake and I really truly miss him heaps.... All I can say is to keep your chin up, remember ONLY YOU CAN CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS - never ever rely on anyone else for that..... The mask I used to wear, and the wall around my heart, have melted away to allow the real me to be seen, my true voice to be heard, and my soul to sing... Cheers - Always

Thank you Guest 12345678 & to you too NJron for your kind supportive words. See I don't believe he thinks he is capable to put in the effort to restore our marriage... His sisters have always played one off with the other and his mother never said a word. He is the youngest with 3 older sisters. He has grown up without a dad or father figure in his life....Hence me saying he's been Hen Pecked all his life. His mum & sisters have always fixed problems for him well this time he truly is stuck because mummy can't fix this... I had a run in with one of his sisters and told her to back off, stay out of my relationship, she claims he's her brother so she had a right to stick her nose in...I said that's one of the problems here, he has to learn to resolve problems on his own.....His mum on the other hand doesn't like what he has done and has stated so to me...Well in my angry previous state I told her "Why are you so upset you seem to condone this kind of behaviour?" She got really upset by this and said sometimes she was stuck in the middle and couldn't say anything! I said well your are suppose to be the parent here are you? What are you doing? I've stated that my children will be brought up with morals and have respect for people and take FULL resposibilities for their actions and how they can impact on other peoples lives & that this kind of behaviour WILL NOT be tolerated at all......If you are in a committed relationship you DO NOT SLEEP AROUND. You confront the person you are with and state that things aren't going too good. Basically FINISH WHAT YOU HAVE -THEN MOVE ON IF YOU HAVE TO. This didn't go down too good, but I am still sticking to my guns. My partner wasn't there when I needed support the most - He didn't know how to support me & I did push him away many times over. I have approuched him with the possibility of reconciling but he still claims I will never forgive him.... (his sister made a comment to me saying if he did come back what kind of life would he have? She claims that I would have him shackles and a dog lead...and that everytime he went out I would give him the 40 questions and interigate him) Well on the contray I would do no such thing, I said if he started the same patterns then there would be cause for alarm - It would be on his head to loose everything with ABSOLUTE NO THIRD CHANCE. This was about 2 months ago. My partner said word for word what his sister had said to me, I just said to him , I really need to hear your view NOT your sisters view. He just shut up then. How do I do a form of NC with children - I see him twice a week and he rings every night at around 7pm. At the momment it looks like he has his cake and eating it to!!!! He hasn't picked up his things ( I have put them all in the garage) - He won't tell me what is happening with house, whether we sell or what & he is still paying the full mortgage everymonth ( because I can't afford it ) I am going out and meeting new people & I found out from a friend that he doesn't like it. I have avoided answering the phone in the evenings and get a friend or whoever is here to pass the phone to my daughter. If I don't speak to him when he comes to pick the kids up - I get called a and if I do talk to him he claims later to friends I'm too Happy - What am I supposed to do????? I REALLY DON'T THINK HE FULLY UNDERSTANDS FULL IMPLICATIONS OF THE MISTAKE HE HIMSELF CLAIMS HE MADE----- WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

Thanks for your reply NJRon Basically, I do want him back in our lives because he is a good person, and he claims he loves me I love him too, and I would really like for him to get his issues sorted out because I am not the one to fix them. I want him back, but I don't NEED him for myself, I realised that you create your own happiness you don't rely on someone to make you happy.

I have done alot of soul searching to work out where things did go wrong between my partner and I, and have come to the conclusion that it took alot of contributing factors. I knew something wasn't right late last year and actually kicked him out just before Xmas because I suspected he was fooling around, You could say that I had come out from the rock I was living under after my mums sudden death and thought hang on a minute something is not right here !!! When my mum died I had no time to really grieve, I was pregnant with my second child and we had started a major renovation on our house....I really had no roof, because we added a second story.... On top of all that, my father who was in remission with cancer was rediagnosed and I had been driving him to kemo and radio therapy for treatments while looking after a 4 year old with kinder and dance lessons and organising trades to work on our house my partner was supportive to some extent but I did loose him along the way. I know I did the best I could and I did stretch myself as far as I could given the situations life dished out at me. He came back 2 days before Xmas and I thought OK he realised his Mistake but I never mentioned to him that I knew he had been with someone else. Things went Ok for a while, then my youngest got a servere reation to peanuts and was raced to hospital and my dad was going down hill yet again and I found myself pre occupied with no support. I statred craving attention and found the only respose I got from him was when I started an argument so the horrid circle of his lies came about and he basically was text book, I knew he was cheating and I pushed him to confess, I kicked him out again (June) this year, called him everything under the sun (which amazed me with what came out of my mouth) and that's that ! He has said he made a big mistake, and that I will never forgive him, well I have forgiven him, I haven't gotten angry at him, he sees the kids twice a week and is paying the home loan still. I have given him space but I know he is still seeing her. I do love him enough to let him find his own happiness and actually told him that last year. I feel no anger towards him, people do mistakes and I know he will wake up one day.

Hello everyone This is my first time ! Yes I am a virgin ! To cut a long story short - I have recently split with my hubby and I am left with a 5 yr & an 18mth. I knew he was up to no good but because of all the I was going through I guess I neglected him. See my mum died nearly 2 years ago & my dad died in June this year !!!! I feel really alone but I have kept a brave face...I guess bottom line is that I feel he's not giving us a chance......I was living under a rock for 2 years nearly, Now that I have found me again he's walked, and I want him back in our lives...... Any advice would be great !