blueboo

separated from my wife for 2-3 months ago and basically moved away back to my home state to get away from the drama and get alittle perpective. Anyways been here for about 2 months still know noone or have any friends, just working and going to school. Then a very old long lost friend gives me a call, turning my world upside down. It was so great to talk to her and it was intoxicating to find that someone out there really did care about what was going on with me. We basically talked almost everyday for about a week but then I begin to notice little words that she would drop in the conversation that made me uncomfortable. She was my best friend when we were in college together but nothing more. We never had a relationship beyond beening friends. Anyways I told her that I was not looking for anything but friendship because I was still married even if separated. After that she totally cut off all lines of communication. I can understand why she did it and I know I did the right thing by telling her the honest truth but why do I feel so crummy. I never wanted to make her upset or sad and I feel like I just lost my best friend which I did. I honestly believe now that guys and girls can NEVER be just friends.

LOL, all I can do is laugh at myself. I am a total idiot. I wonder why I keeping falling for the same old trick. I get a couple of voicemails and they went like this. *Crying* I miss you so much *more crying* Going off asking if things can change. *more chatter for 1 min* *final sentence* I love you and miss you Yesterday *crying* I am sick Missed work and going on about how she hates where she is at and how she wish I was there to take care of her and hold her and stuff Ok this voice mail I got alittle worried, she sounded really sick. So I call her back that night to make sure she is ok and is doing the right things to get better since she doesn't have any family up there. Talk to her and I feel the best I have ever felt for past several months about myself, about her, and about us. So I call her today to see how she is doing if she is any better. I AM SO STUPID FOR DOING THIS. She basically takes back everything she said and more and before she is done stabbing with a emotional knife ,she sinks it into my back and twists around as she goes off about she is moving back home to where all her *single* girlfriends are at and then promotely asks me if I would mined if she contacted a old friend of mine who happens to be a total womanizer. JOY!!!!!!!!!! Oh well things are fine, I got a date tonight with my old friend Jack and I think his captain friend is going to be there with Jose *I am going to have to be on the stairstepper for 30 mins tomorrow to pay for tonight *tear*

Opps sorry about the language. Stopped thinking as I was typing for a sec As far as for filing papers I have no idea. If she did, she hasn't told me. It is just my personality I guess and how I feel about her. I told her before she is my queen and I am a loyal knight. She isn't my ex wife yet, and I will treat her as my wife, I will love and support all I can. But if she does become my ex wife then I will no longer support her and have no obligations towards her. She does work full time and supports her self ....mostly. As for her car.....technical I signed for the car so it is mine under name...so anything that has to be done for it I have to approve.

First a few quotes from Fight Club (this movie was the only thing that got me through grade school): Jack wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? Tyler Durden: This is a chemical burn. It will hurt more than you've ever been burned before. You will have a scar. Jack: If I didn't say anything, people always assumed the worst. Tyler Durden: Tell him. Tell him, The liberator who destroyed my property has realigned my perceptions. Jack: I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke. Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Jack: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just... Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak? If you feel anything like there was acid poured on your soul and you were eaten from the inside to where you were nothing more then hollow while feeling trapped and surrounded like a caged animal then I went through the same stuff when I was your age. You have to let yourself go. Who ever you think you are today or tomorrow is not you. Pain, saddness, despair, depression are not you but a reflection of what you see the world around you as. It is kind of like you are what people tell you are so that is what I must be. So simply the only thing I can say is try to figure out who you want be.

Well what went wrong in my opinion with us I believe was quite simple. When we first got married we shared lots of friends and were always busy doing things. The joke was we went to work during the week to recover from our weekends. Anyways almost 9 months ago, I quit my job in order to go back to school. We were in a situation were I could and she had known from the beginning since we first started dating that my plan was to finish my college degree. So I go back to school after a epic move that transplanted us in a entirely new area. Many can atest to the fact that the life of a college student is mundane and filled with study and homework. I left all my friends and family so I could get this degree so we could have a better life. She stayed bitter for a time that she had to leave her family and old friends. Then she got a job and started to make friends with all girls there. They all happened to all be single so they would want to go out on a friday or saturday night. She would go out and I would be home doing homework. I couldn't afford to do much with her because I went back to school full time and still hadn't been able to find a part time at least. Well as time goes on she becomes more and more distant, coming home later and later and with her working full time and me doing school full time and most I would get to see her on a weekday was maybe no more then a hour and never would see her on the weekend. She just come up to me one sunday and goes I am no longer in love with you and she wanted a divorce. Simple terms: I think she got bored with me.

Been separated for almost 2 months now from my wife. I had to move to another state and start over because I was such a wreck after she left me, I just couldn't stay there anymore. I started the NC approach to help me to maybe start to heal but everytime I try she calls me 2-3 days later. They are not calls about how I miss or love you but calls about money and health so I can't not ignore these calls. I try to keep them short as possible and resolve them but she keeps calling about something new. However, sometimes I think she is calling when I been silent for the past 2-3 days because she misses me, but she uses things like her car is having problems or she feels sick and wants to know what she needs to do, to force me in a situation where I have to be contact with her till the situation is resolved. Lately she has even gotten more sinister about it. She will call and if I don't answer, she will later call me on her office number which is caller Id blocked so I will have no idea who is calling and I love her too much to be rude and just hang up when I hear her voice. She will even slip in a love you or miss you in the middle of a 2-3 min conversation before I am able to slip off the phone. The sad part however is that the girl that is talking to me is not the woman I fell in love with but is the stuck up that tossed me away like garage for a couple of "friends" that she barely knew for a month and what kills me is once in awhile she will revert back to my love on a call but on the next one be this other person. I even told her that I wanted her to stop calling unless it is a emergency but then she will call and when I remind her she will claim she forgot. I am simply stuck at step one. Everytime I begin to feel better she calls and back to step one I go. Pain and suffering are such good friends of mine now I no longer charge them rent and they even brought their friends depression and insommnia. She just won't let me NC her.