rachel1256
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Everything posted by rachel1256
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I have no clue. Yes, we were comfortable being intimate, but I feel we were both in a way using each other to mend our broken hearts and relationships. The last time I left his place, he seemed really down, and it may be because when I come over, we talk too much about our ex's. That got us both depressed. =) He used to always call me though, at least 3 times a week, and now, NOTHING. I'm just not sure if waiting would be best, or if I should just assume he's talking to his ex again and leave it be. I don't want to get hurt, since I'll be honest and say that even though I said I didn't want anything else, I was starting to like him again.
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He still hasn't called me. Should I give up, or call him once tomorrow just to say hello. I don't want to act desperate, and I'm not, I guess I really was enjoying his company more than I thought. Thanks
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I guess I was starting to feel a little attachment to him, that's why I care now. It was more of having someone around who I knew before, and we were already comfortable with each other. He left me again to go back to his ex, and he may have done that again this time. I just felt that his ex would never be a threat this time because she hadn't contacted him in 4 months, he was getting over her, and it seemed like whatever happened with us had some time. Maybe I was wrong. It sounds like the best thing for me would be to just remove myself completely from this situation. Im so tempted to give him a call, but I dont want him to think I'm desperate. Is it safe to say he's not interested anymore, or his ex came back maybe??
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To be honest, it's probably a wrong idea to even see him again for many reasons, but it was fun at the time to have company, spend time with someone familiar, etc... Yea, I care about him, but I think he was the one that was getting more "attached" than me. I never asked him about other girls, but he would ask me about other guys. He would say things like "oh, did you just come from your other guys house?" We both knew we weren't in a place to ask those questions, but he would. I really miss his company, and the fun we had. I don't want to interfere with anything (ie: his ex came back) but I hope I didn't do anything to make him draw back. Maybe he felt that I was seeing someone else too, and he didn't like that. I don't know, but I guess like you said, I'll just call him next week if I don't hear from him. I can only imagine he may be talking to his ex again
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I met up with my ex of about 4 years ago about 3 months ago. we both just got out of relationships that could have been better. He was with his girlfriend of 5 years before he finally kicked her out 4 months ago. She was holding back emotions, sex, and just treating him horribly for the last few months of their relationship. After he kicked her out though, he tried to win her back and apologize, but she already moved in with another guy. I wasn't in the place to start to date anyways, so we both agreed (mostly my enforcing it) we weren't ready to date each other, or anyone else for that matter. We'd been hooking up strictly to mend our broken hearts (mostly true in his case) and to hook up. We had fun together, and this has been going on for about 2 months. He's always called me or got in touch with me at least 2-3 times a week. Last week, it got less and less. This week, I text him on Mon to see what he's up to, and he doesn't get back to me for about 2 hours. He texts me back that he's beat (he worked from Saturday straight to Tues) and said he'd shower to see if he felt better. I texd him back not to worry, some other time, and he didn't text me back. Do you think his ex came back after 4 months? He said he'd never take her back, but he took her back the last time we dated, that's why we broke up. This was totally a casual thing, but I don't want to contact him again if his ex may be back. He hasn't been calling anymore. What do you all think? Just to note, he isn't the happiest man in the world, he has many issues, but I was seeing him mainly as a way to mend my broken heart. (bad idea, i know)
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thanks for the insight and great advice everyone.
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Thank you everyone. The responses have really helped. I guess I'm basing this on my one and only serious relationship, and what I mostly see around me. Yes, it was 102.7, and you are right, that's good entertainment, and he is the minority- I hope. I just got discouraged, as I've been single for months now, and I've been hearing a lot about this kind of stuff in the media. Like you've all said, the media is mostly a bias source, given that cheating, lying, etc.... sells. Thank you everyone. It gets discouraging, but like you've said, the right man will come along when I'm not looking.
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I just have a general question, and I hope I don't offend anyone. I was listening to a very popular radio station this morning here in LA, and they had a man on who was married, yet had a girlfriend on the side. He was caught when the girlfriend found out about his wife, and so the girlfriend on the side called the man live on the radio. The man's excuse was every man that's married or in a long term relationship has a girl on the side. He said any man that doesn't is a liar. I recently got out of a relationship where my ex was very kind one minute, then able to lie very well, while all over internet dating sights, etc, even when we were together. So, I experienced that first hand. I wouldn't know when he was lying, and when he was truly being faithful to me. It was miserable. My question now, at 23, do I have hope of finding a man who will NOT desire to be with another woman, even say after 15 years of marriage? I guess my first relationship with a man really hurt me, then hearing this, it makes me lose hope.
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Thanks. I am still weak, and to hear that just brought me down. I know I can't listen to anyone like that. Of course I was not perfect, but I look at my mom and dad. They have been married 25 years, and I am just like my mom in so many ways... Im sensitive and easily hurt, and I'm not afraid to speak up when I don't like something... But, my dad has never told her to shut up, slammed the door in her face, or ignored her ONCE. He still opens the door for her and carry's her purse when she is tired. Its so sweet, and I guess I just have to remember that even though I may have set him off in some ways, his reaction was not normal. Ugg, I can't let this stuff bother me.
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I'm in sort of a slump today. I'm sure you all know my story, as I feel like I post too much.... I was talking about my whole situation with someone who I don't really know, nor knows my situation, and they said to me, "well maybe you didn't see what kind of person you really were." That really hurt me. I know I was not perfect, but I feel that I tried everything I could to show how much I loved my ex. I even tried at the end, but he had already jumped right onto a dating sight. I guess I'm not really asking any question, just stating the fact that I may have been someone who brought out such anger in my ex. i know his words and actions weren't right, but why did this person have to tell me that. I guess thats why I just need to stop thinking about this situation, stop talking about it, and realize verbal abuse, no matter what, is not right.
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Seriously! It's crazy to think that there really are guys like this. I tell some of my friends things he has said and done, and they are in absolute disbelief. Who knows where our ex's learn this 'lovely' behavior from, but I'll let someone else deal with it. Thank you. I will, Im keeping my head up.
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Thank you! I have those very hopes for myself. I know I am not a bad person, and not EVERYTHING I say is wrong like my ex said. I already feel a positive feeling now that no one is telling me to shut up, or I need to think about what I say, or do research because I'm constantly wrong. He would ALWAYS tell me, "think before you speak, because you never say anything right!" well, that just shows what a negative man he is, because never have my friends, nor my parents who have known me all my life ever said that to me. Sure, I've been wrong many times, but he is the only person who has made me feel less because of it. Thanks for all the encouragement! I may not say it, but I appreciate everyones responses, and all the wonderful people on this forum.
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Yes, it can happen to anyone, and I think its so hard for people that have NOT been in an abusive relationship to understand this concept. They ask why we don't just leave. Yea, if it was that easy, of course we would! I wanted to leave almost everyday, yet I was so damaged and rundown, i just stayed. I got together what I had left, and finally did it for good. He probably didn't want to get back together anyways, but regardless, I HAD to block him from my life. Whatchamacallit, I feel for your situation, and that you see him everyday at work, but please do what you can do block him at home, on your cell, email.... I changed my number, blocked him from my email, and its hard, but it makes it easier. you don't know if they have called, or if they haven't.... Please, just DO NOT go back. My ex was playing with my head, making it a game to him until I just shut him out. They are sick people, and do not look at relationships normally. I hope you stay strong. Hang in there
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It really is crazy how a completely healthy, strong woman can become intertwined with an abusive man. I am one of them, and as Beyondthesea said, once you leave, you realize you didn't even love them. I'm now disgusted with my ex, I miss the routine if that makes sense, but his behavior is utterly unexcuseable. You are basically conditioned to feel that you have caused their anger, you deserve to be yelled at, and one little mistake will cause the abuse again. Oh my gosh, I hope she gets out, I really do. It did such a number on me, but there is ALWAYS a way out, even if its tough
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haha, no. California.. I did do that a while back, and I found out he was desperate, and would go for anyone or anything. It was pretty sad because he is a very good looking man, but i believe he has self esteem problems, or just doesn't care. He is looking for women 18-45, so that says a lot too. I have since stopped looking at his profiles though. They only set me back, and I know all I need to know about him now. He doesn't respect women, me, and never will. It was good to do it then, because like you said, you see how sad they are, and what level they will stoop too, but now that I know, I am SO glad, and I just see its time to never look back.
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thanks for the helpful posts. the scary thing about this man that Im seeing now is we would be having a great time, lauging, smiling together, then one thing would not go his way and i was being yelled at, and no matter what, I COULD NOT explain or say a word against him. It was awful, feeling helpless, not being able to utter one word, feeling like crying but I couldn't because there were so many people around.... in his last emails he sounded like he was drunk or high, because he mispelled a lot of things, and just was acting so weird. In a sick way it was almost like he was playing with me they were so wacked. he would tell me he missed me, he loved me, yet be online at the moment looking for girls. He would then call ME crazy if I asked what his intentions were. (this was about 2 weeks ago) He is psycho, and towards the end, he seemed mentally sick. Im not joking. He enjoyed the fact that he was driving me crazy. Sick sick man. It really helps to post here and get it out. I have a VERY loving, close family, who show me how i should be loved. I also dated one other man who treated me like a queen, so I know what love should look like, I just need to let go of EVERYTHING about this man and find that love with a man who respects me. I guess I'm just posting to get out my feelings. My head becomes clearer everyday though, I was feeling angry though at how he messed with me so much, and I still loved him, even to the end. I tell you, being sucked into an abusive relationship can happen to ANYONE. I was always a strong, happy woman who had many friends, a loving family, getting a lot of attention from men, yet I turned into someone I barely recognize.
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I just wanted to update, and post because I'm feeling a little down today. Im sorry to keep posting! Anyways, right before I blocked my ex, he'd been messing with my head, sending me texts saying he missed me, was thinking about me, etc, and at the SAME time, was "online" on link removed. I don't look at his profile now, but as I said, right before I blocked him, things became SO hurtful and so confusing, I became just livid. In a weak moment last week, I asked him what he was doing RIGHT AFTER he texd me he missed me, and he ignored me all day. I emailed him and said stop this pathetic game and just leave me alone then! He emailed back the next day and said, "What are you talking about, Im not seeing anyone. I love you." He messed with my head SO much by doing little things like that, and who knows if his intentions were to get back with me but make me so crazy and desperate, or if he didn't want me back, but just wanted to mess with my head. Why didn't he just leave me alone if he wanted to date other girls??! Isn't that what a normal man would do?? Either way, Im still shaken. I've stayed strong, its been 2 days since I changed my number, and im getting better. I was wondering why I even feel ANYTHING for a man who played with my emotions, my head, and why do I try to piece together everything he was doing to me at the end of the relation. My biggest question is why I even miss this man, and the times we had together, when he was such a big jerk! Will this uneasy, hurt feeling go away?
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Thanks Hope! I sent him that text that night I was a little buzzed, and I was pretty weak thinking about him. He didn't respond, until the next day with that email. He may have been bluffing, but I think he was serious when he said he felt we had been through too much. I felt the same way, but to hear it from him was just a blow in the face. So, for 2 days, I have had zero contact with him, my number was changed, and he can't reach me, unless he calls my home which I doubt he will. Its over, Im pretty hurt, angry, and still miss him, but I know that will go away soon. I'm doing things to keep my mind off of him, but every time I think of him, I either think of the times he yelled at me, or just stop thinking of him altogether. I would be foolish to ever give him the time of day again, even if we did have good moments. I can do this, I know it. He was a cruel man regardless of the good times, and the less we contact each other, even though it hurts i won't ever see him again, it gets Better! =)
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The thing is he was the one who sent the email, after I asked him what he was doing for the 4th the other day. It was HIM who said we have already been through too much when I asked him why all he does is text me he misses me and is thinking of me, yet does nothing else. I honestly don't think he wanted me back, and who knows why he kept saying he missed me, yet then tells me we have been through too much to see each other. He could have been bs'n, but I think this time he was actually serious. I wouldn't have gone to see him anyways, but it hurts, and is a huge slap in the face that I was the one who had to endure verbal and emotional abuse, and I never was like that to him. I had my moments, my downfalls, but who doesn't? I NEVER yelled at him, put him down, or told him to shut up ONCE. Now, he feels that we went through too much. He may have tried to contact me again, but I changed my number, and blocked him from my email. I'm doing ok this morning. Had a great night last night, but its a little hard this morning.
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I miss so much, and it's very weird, because when I was in the relationship, I couldn't wait to get out, but I was too weak, and he would be nice and I'd change my mind. Then, there were moments when I would be in the car or at lunch with him, and he would be screaming at me to shut the f_ up, and I would be crying and shaking. It was a big rollercoaster, and I HAVE to keep in mind what a jerk he really was to me as opposed to the times he was nice. Im feeling pretty down still, I guess because for the past 3 years I've watched the fireworks with him on the beach for july 4, and now I will never see him again. =( His email said it all when he said "i love you, but we have already been through too much." He doesn't want me, so why should i want someone who told me to constantly shut up, called me a child, and made me leave his home every time we fought, only to ignore me and give me silent treatment for the rest of the day. I will be ok soon. I just need to get over this man who is not even worth a thought. Thank you all for being here!
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I know, I just feel that this step may really help me. If have been very strong before, and I know I can do it again. I had a major setback yesterday, but usually I climb back up to the top. He broke my heart in so many ways, and I just need to realize and remember he is not worth it, and those good times, well, I can have them with another man, minus the horrid verbal abuse. I will be ok, his email yesterday threw me off, hurt me, but I will be strong. I am going to a barbq., having fun today, and realizing that so many people have gone through this as well, and life goes on. Thank you for the support. The questions and posts will be no more very soon, I promise.
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This pain will go away soon right, as well as the constant thought of how much fun we did have together (yes, it became less and less) and the routine we had for 3 years? How can you miss a relationship/person who made you feel so low, hurt, and wanting to flee for the majority of it, yet when I'm finally out, I feel lousy? i don't get that yet. I am so naive when it comes to relationships, as he was the first man I ever was committed to. I was probably his 5th serious girlfriend, so he is used to it.
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Yes, I wonder what he will think when he can't get ahold of me at all. Probably won't care, he already has moved on. But, I can no longer think like that, I can't let him, or the new girl he may see, get me down. I trust you all when you say I am way better off, and time will heal be the best remedy.
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Well, after weeks of texts from my ex saying "i miss you," "how are you doing" and "im thinking about you", I finally put an end to it. He would never say he was sorry, and if I replied or asked him why he did this, he would either ignore me, or say, "i love you, but your are crazy." I'm crazy?? I wasn't the one texting him, telling him I loved and missed him, yet never trying to make it work, while searching on dating sights at the same time. He finally emailed me back yesterday: "I haven't gone out with anyone. I love you. We've just been through too much. " That email just killed me, even though I wasn't going to go back to him, just the fact all of those texts, and every contact he made with me meant nothing. It hurts so much to know I wasn't good enough, and he is seeking another woman on the dating sight. I should be rejoicing, but rejection just hurts,even from this man. It just kills me I did so many good things for him, put up with his crazy verbal abuse, his throwing me out of his house then ignoring me, calling me crazy and a child, then he has the nerve to go right onto dating sights looking for a new woman. it just hurts to know I will never see or hear from him again. There were many good memories we had together, he was a sweet, affectionate man, now why can't I just focus on all the bad he did to me? My number has been changed, and I blocked him from my email, so why do I feel so down? Hopefully, since my circumstances are different than a normal breakup with a normal man, I did the right thing in blocking him, and my mind will clear soon. I guess I just needed to let it out, and know things will be ok soon. (a link to my first post)
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EX making a reappearance
rachel1256 replied to fifregister's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Great job! Don't do it, because I did, and every time I responded to his pathetic messages, I either got no answer, or something that just made me hurt all over again. In fact, I have blocked him from my email now, and just changed my number. You may not have to do that, but my ex was really abusive, and did some super hurtful things when we broke up, so I felt in order to move on, thats what I needed to do. I'm proud of you! Keep it up ok.