markm

Taste of your own previous medicine? - no way! I never did this to her. I never slept with anyone else, and if she was calling me because she was having a rough time I was kind, caring and could feel her pain inside myself. She never told me how she felt about me either you know. I've already told her I love her and I would die for her over and over. I'm not gonna tell her anymore. I am TOTALLY ready for her to say she loves me and wants to move in with me, that would be wonderful! Just thinking about it makes me feel so good, you know? I will have to give her the "all or nothing" talk. perhaps it will open her eyes, or scare her straight. Maybe her reaction will be "OK, you're right" (oh god, I hope she doesn't say that )

You know what? I'm not sending any card. No contact is no contact. I told her already that I would love to fly up and take her out on her birthday. But now: NO CARD. NO PHONE CALL. NO NOTHING! (Let the new 1 month fling schmuck blow money on her.)

I can't get her out of my mind. I think of her cuddling with him and sleeping with him and it's driving me nuts. I don't want it to be over. She has me on her joke email list, so I get little innocent emails almost daily. But if she calls I'll just have to tell her what I said in the above post.

Sounds OK. This sucks. Guess I'll send a small boring b-day card and just write: (Happy Birthday, -Mark) That's it. Shows I care, but not too much. How 'bout that?

What about me? I told her I couldn't contact her anymore. She called me 2 days later to see how I was and to appologize. The next day she emails me a couple of jokes. So she is still initiating contact, while I am not. I don't respond to the emails but I do answer the phone.

Yeah same here. Her B-day is on March 24th.

OK, so this morning she emails me a couple of jokes. Damnit, this is starting to piss me off. She's got all kinds of friends. I should probably tell her: "I don't want to be your pen pal. I love you and want you as my girlfriend. I don't want to be one of your guy friends. If I'm just gonna be one of your guy friends, just leave me alone and we shouldn't contact eachother anymore." If I don't she'll just keep on with this and the scab will never heal. Already she's hinting at going to Seattle after I said I wanted her here first to see if we can achieve something. What do you all think?

Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. You seem pretty patient with her and confident enough to let her go. That's good. I really don't like when someone can't decide between 2 lovers. That's just B.S. unfortunately, she sounds like someone who is just always like this. If you get her back she'll probably be indecisive about something else. Sounds like the old story, gove her time and space blah blah blah. It's true though, expecially since she told you that you turned into and "anxious person". (no kidding youre anxious, jeez) Hang in there. I'm going through some rough stuff too. Just stick to the plan, you're doing great!

The fact that she "says" shes looking at Seattle brouchures also points out that she will not be sticking with this new guy for very long. He goes back to Baltimore around the end of April. Getting strange here. Commitment Phobe?

Ok so she just called me. She wanted to see how I was doing and wondered if I or her email. She said she was sorry for the other day cause she was so tired and cranky on the phone. She asked what I was up to so I told her I've been keeping busy with work and going out with friends. Told her I went out to a few clubs with some friends and went dancing. Also said I was just keeping busy and working out and stuff. She said "wow, sounds like your doing a lot of stuff" I was like "yeah, just keeping busy" I asked how she was and how work was. She said she was looking at some applications and brouchures to go to Seattle for her next assignment. I told her a week ago that I wanted her to consider coming here before Seattle so we could rekindle our relationship and that If she just went off to Seattle without seeing me again that she would be sending me a pretty clear signal that it was over. So I said "so you gonna do Seattle next." She said "well, i'm just looking at some brochures right now. Chatted a bit more and then I said "OK well I better get going. I've got to go meet my friends" Conversation lasted about 8 minutes. Sooo what is this? She called, I sounded like I've been busy, I ended the call. But she was taling about Seattle again, but didn't say it was for sure.

should I call her? or keep the no contact rule?

What if she doesn't believe my feelings? If I went there I could show her how I feel.

God, it's 6:00am Sat. I can't sleep and I'm gonna hyper ventalate in a minute. So don't go? What if she just forgets about me? What if I should go up there even though she says not too? What do I do?

So should I stick to not calling her? Or will that make her think I don't care anymore? I've told her how a feel over and over. Is this no contact thing for me?

I feel like I have always loved her. I just never told her. I always said that I wanted to but couldn't just yet. My feelings are stronger now of course since I have lost her. That is normal. She started out as a girl I was dating. Then she became my friend. Then she became my best friend and I love her deeply. Even though she was always far away, I felt she was close to me. Now I feel so alone. I think I got in the habit of holding my feelings back from her for some stupid reason. I was also comforted cause I always new she was there. I had such a spark with my previous gf, but she was a bad seed. Karen is so great but I didn't feel that same excitment with her right away. So many little petty things bothered me about her at first, but that went away. I am kicking myself for this. Sometimes you just don't know what you got unitl it's gone. My parents loved her, especially Mom. She is so sweet. I feel she is irreplaceable. No, we never said mean things to eachother ever. I am just such a wreck. I told her yesterday morning that I can't go on like this anymore and I have to break contact with her. I told her I wasn't gonna call or email her anymore. That was so hard to say. She said that she's gonna want to talk to me in few days. I said Ok, I'm always here for you and my feelings are the same but I need to move on. She told me not to jump into anything. She emailed me that night saying she was sorry she hurt me and only time will help her out. She said I could call or email her if I needed. Well, I won't. But god I want to. Sounds like she doesn't want to let go completely just yet. But jeez, I never slept with anyone else or even kissed someone. Now she is sleeping with him. I want her back, but wouldn't I be a sap? Before I told her how I felt and how I loved her and wanted to see her, she hadn't slept with him yet. Now, after I tell her all this she goes ahead and does 3 days later. What the hell is that? I feel that was mean and disrepectful to my feelings. I never did that to her. I keep imagining her with him and him having sex with her and I just can't handle it. I see georgeous women all around here, but I only want her. I'm so depressed, I can't sleep or eat. I hate this so much.

Thanks everyone. I am pretty messed up right now, but I'll be OK. I will not lose control or my diginity. I refuse. She has made her choice. I regret nothing, I was always honest with her and she knows she could always count on me. I can live with that. I'm not gonna destroy myself over this. I want this to work out more than anything in the world but it's up to her now. If she wants to save the relationship she will have to come here and see me. I will not be second choice to some new guy. I am disappointed in her. She hopped into bed with this guy pretty quick, I don't do that. She said she started with the guy cause she was under the impression we were over but this was news to me. We called each other all the time and I kept trying to go see her before all this. So her reasoning is not logical. The ball is in her court now.

Well I called her today and It's over. We had a nice conversation in the beginning and then I heard someone's voice in the background. I asked if that was Andrew (a new guy she saw a couple of times). She said yes. Well, I died inside. I wanted to know if they were sleeping together and she didn't want to talk about it. She always hated talking about sex. I told her that I wanted her to be safe and use protection and she said she would. We never did. This guy leaves to go home in about a month. He is a traveling nurse too. She is not one to sleep around that is for sure. I remember she had me stay the night and wouldn't sleep with me too. Shes a real cuddler. I asked if I could fly up and she said NO. I'm in hell. I never lost my cool with her on the phone, but sounded nervous when we talked about that guy sleeping over. She didn't want to talk anymore. I called her back 20 mins later and left her a message in a solid confident voice saying that that news took me by surprise but I was OK. I also said that she was my best friend and that I didn't want her to shut me out and I'll take to her later.

Well my folks are dead against it. They say that it will show her disrespect and would ruin anything we have left. They just say I should call her from time to time and be caring and jst be there for her. They say I should ONLY go if she gives the OK.

Now that's exactly what I want to do!!!! I talked to my folks about this and they say that would be the worst thing I could do. (im 29 but still close to my parents) They say this would just kill everything. Probably freak her out and piss her off. I kind of agree but still think like you do. I feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

Hey now. I was ALWAYS honest with her and treated her with absolute respect. I never tricked her into thinking I loved her just to sleep with her or anything like that ever! I as ALWAYS up front with her and always took care of her and cared more deeply for her than anyone else in my life. The fact that I wasn't in love with her was alway killing me. Well I am in Love with her. It just took some time for me. I never made her think I felt any way about her that was not honest. I was always there for her no matter what! It was a lot of pressure for me too! I was given an ultimatum: Should she go to Hawaii or stay in Arizona. jeez, I wanted her to stay but I could make her stay based my selfish needs, so I told her it would be awful for me to ask her to make a career decision based on my feelings. Well, I love this girl. I didn't make any mistakes. It was just bad timing.

Well you hit the nail on the head pretty much. wow. I do have to say that I do Love her. Now when I saw her when I visited Hawaii I was blown away and realized how much I loved her. Yes, I only visited once but jeez Hawaii is not some place I can go to all the time. Colorado is a different story. I can go there every week. Only 1 hour trip. I blew it? Not sure about that just yet. If we saw eachother she would cave, trust me. And so would I. She is just occupied with new interests (friends, skiing etc) But the snow is gonna melt and the new friends are gonna leave. But I'll still be here!!! All I want is to see her and see what we can accomplish. I believe our relationship is worth it. All she has to do is let me fly up for a couple of days.

I just called and left a light hearted friendly message saying hi and to call me when she gets the message. I feel the no contact rule is bad for me. She is far away and meeting new friends. Even though she said shes not into this new guy there could be others. I KNOW that if we could see eachother in person that it would make all the difference. It always did in the past. I want to ask if I can fly up and see her, but I am terrified that she will see no.

This might be a bit long but I'll make it wasy to folllow. I've dated Karen for 1 year. She is a travel nurse that I met here in Arizona. I met her after a bad breakup with someone else. Karen really liked me but I was hung up on the old girl. We dated but there was no "fire", but she had really strong feelings for me. I once broke it off, and she came right back. She is such a great girl I could never say no. In a 4 month period I think we slept together twice because I didn't have feelings for her and I don't sleep around. She is the same way, but had feelings for me and was very frusturated with this. She extended her stay in AZ for a couple of months but then had an opportunity to work in Hawaii for 3 months. She wanted to know if I wanted her to stay. I did, but I wasn't in love and didn't want her to make life/career decisions based on my feelings. So she goes to Hawaii. She calls me all the time and I hate the phone. Her Cell phone from Hawaii to my cell phone in AZ was terrible for reception and was aggravating to the point that I hated talking to her. I go to Hawaii to see her, but wasn't all that excited to see her. Then I see her at the airport! WOW! I was in LOVE! I had to have her and couldn't keep my hands off her. We made love every night, but I still didn't tell her I loved her. When I left she was crying. 2 months go by with the usuall phone calls ususally made by her. I met someone and told her about it. But I ended the relationship because I couldn't get my mind off of Karen. I always new I would regret losing Karen and could always see us married one day for some reason. Now, I was in Arizona and was holding on to her car and all her belongings for her while she was in Hawaii. Now she signed up to work in Colorado. She was coming back to get some of her stuff and go back home to Wisconsin for a week to see her family and then come back for a week to stay with me. I was going to drive her to Colorado. When she came for that week I new I loved her and I made sure she was OK for Colorado. I wanted her to stay but didn't tell her. I drove her to Colorado but had to come right back because of a new job. She would call me and ask when I could come see her and I didn't have any time to go. After a couple of weeks I tell her I want to come up for Valentines day but she says the has to work and so did I. So on Feb 5th she sends me a list of days I can come see her, but my schedule was not good. V day comes and she says that some guy she works with asks her to come over for dinner after work. She tells me not to worry but I was angry, and didn't call her on VDay but she calls me. My Birthday comes on Feb 20th and she calls me to wish a Happy Birthday. I really wanted to see her but was upset (had a house guest at the time that was stressing me out) She said she was skiing and I was pissed cause she didn't come see me and I felt like there was some guy. So I yelled at her pretty badly. I appologized deeply about it. That night on my B-day she breaks it off. I tell her that I Love her for the first time, and I do. I tell her that I always imagined us married and all that stuff. I also told her that we need to take the chance and she should make her next assignment in Arizona so we can see where it takes us. She mentioned going to Seattle next and I said I wanted her to come here first. Few days go by, we still talk but she tells me she is involved with someone, and now she extended her contract in Colorado for another month. She was pretty firm with me. Few days later she calls and I tell her how I am having fun and meeting new friends and then I ended the call short. She calls back in a panic! She is confused and says she's not really into this guy and now she knows i have these feelings, etc. I tell her that I've already told her what I wanted and how I felt and wasn't going to torture myself anymore and was moving on. She starts to cry and tells me she has feelings for me and she has none for this guy even though she likes him, and then she made fun of his scrawny body. LOL. We email eachother the next day over and over. I sent her some new pics of me and she replied back that she misses me even more and wanted to give me a big fat hug! (YES!) That night she calls me and I cave and made goofy talk about her wanting to see me. Well, it didn't take and she said she was going skiing for a couple of days with some friends. Back to square one. Ugh! She's driving back from the ski mountain (1.5 hour drive) and she calls me and we talk almost the whole time light heartedly. She is coming here May 2nd to hike the Grand Canyon and asked if she could stay with me. Hell yes! I said of course! you dont have to ask. She said well you might be involved with someone at that time. I said no, I am not looking for anyone at all. Now I find out I'm going to Italy in September. I email her more pictures of me and a supid joke. After the joke I wrote in the email "God I'm an idiot" to be funny. She replies, yeah you are an idiot. No reply about the pictures this time. I send her an email about Italy by saying I as a great surprise, blah blah. She replies, "what is it? are you pregnant? no your going to italy?" She already new cause she invited my cousin to come skiing and he told her. Well that's it, it's been 3 days with no phone call (that's a first!) and Emails are now short, and less frequent. I want to fly there to see her but she hasn't said that I could. The whole problem was me not telling her how I felt and not being there. She has feelings for me but I feel that they are fading and she is meeting new people and she might go to Seattle and that would be the end of it. What do I do now????? I'm dying inside. I Love her and I would die for her. I have never felt this way.

So what do you think? Should I just call to say hi and keep it real innocent and sound as though everything with me is great. -OR- Should I do the above AND see if she want to go for lunch for friendly chit chat. The reason I ask is because I think it would make a difference we saw each other in person.

I'm willing to do anything for her. But I want to at least keep some contact with her. How do I do this? The big rule is that if you try to hold on they will run away faster. How do I see/talk with her without making her push me away?