markm
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Well, went to her house last night. I didn't even knock on her door or anything. She was on the phone and her window was wide open. I could hear everything. Well, it wasn't good. She was talking to a friend about the new guy. She was all upset that he had broke if off with her tonight (again) because she came to my house to pick up her mail the night before. He said she should have sent her friend to pick it up. He broke it off once before after she came to my B-day dinner at my parents. He told her "that's it, 3 strikes and your out". Jeez they've only known eachother a month. And when he broke it off the first time (after my Bday party) he went out and slept with an ex-girlfriend. She complained that he was always high on marijuana. What the hell? She hates guys who sleep around that's one big reason she liked me so much. Also, she hates guys that smoke out all the time. She went on and on how she likes this guy, and he is why she was going to extend her work contract in Arizona. She said to her friend that it was over with me, and she wants the other guy to believe her. She was also saying something about how the girls at work have warned her about him, that he dumps girls right after he sleeps with them. The only good news I got from the conversation was that she had not slept with him, cause she wasn't ready for that yet. But I'm sure that will happen in time, after they will undoubtedly get back togther a 2nd time in 2 weeks. Well that made me feel like hell, and made me realize what was going on. I went home. Makes me wonder what the other night was all about. Why was she crying and wanting to hug me and all of a sudden kiss? Guess it was just a way to say goodbye. A couple of weeks ago she was wanting to spend all this time together and Valentines. And now, nothing. Well, she has more mail, so I guess they'll be over and done with after she picks it up.
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Just an FYI: She is a travel nurse and is from Wisconsin where she has a HUGE family. As a travel nurse, she chooses any city in the U.S. to work and get free housing. We met on her 1st assignment here in Phoenix, Arizona. She has been to a few other places. She has ALWAYS complained about Arizona and constantly talks about going back to Wisconsin becuase she misses her family al the time. Well, while we were talking yesterday she says the UNTHINKABLE! She says that she is now trying to extend her contract here in Phoenix. I asked why, and she said that she likes her hospital and it is hard to leave. I then said, "i guess this new relationship makes is tough to leave too" She just kind of shrugged her shoulders at that. I asked why she wasn't going back to Wisconsin since she always misses her family. She said that she doesn't know if she wants to go back. WOW! What a change! I was dumbfounded. As she was saying all this she was teary eyed and appeared emotional. I wondered if she was afraid that she would never see me again, or was is poosibly the new guy? Perhaps she is not ready to let go? I'm sure she realized that if she leaves, we will never see eachother again.
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Well, last night when she came over seemed so good. But, I don't want to have false hope. I also don't want to let you guys down, and hurt myself in the process. I'll see how she responds to the text about her mail. She is a nurse and is working as we speak. She gets very busy and is not able to carry her phone with her. Might take her a bit to get the text message.
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Ok. Well I just sent her a text to tell her she the last of her mail was delivered here today. No harm in that. It's what happened yesterday.
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Ok. Well I just sent her a text to tell her she the last of her mail was delivered here today. No harm in that. It's what happened yesterday.
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explaination?
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Well, she's got more mail today. Perhaps I will text her like I did yesterday about it and see what she does.
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Dont' you think this situation is different. She was the one that was chasing me all this time and I was not showing her love. If I proceed with too much N/C she may think it's the same old me and just get fed up. She is looking for someone to make her feel good right now and she may just get tired of me with the NC and get closer to the new guy.
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How would you evaluate her feelings at this moment?
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I just don't want her to take her relationship with this guy to another level. I feel like I had her where I wanted her last night, and now is the time to act.
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I was just explaing her actions. She wanted to get close to me and was crying as she left. She looked like she wanted to be together and her feelings were still there. I still love her, and I would like to give it another try. Sorry guys.
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The thing is I would like to get her back. Call me crazy but I would. She is also under the impression I am seeing someone, which I know drives her nuts. When I texted her that she had mail and she could pick it up, she took a shower and came right over. When we were talking she was figity and constantly touching her own skin. She was in no rush to leave. Then she asks for a hug and moved in for a kiss. Well the other day when I tried to kiss her she wouldn't kiss back. She obviously has feelings for me but is probably afraid. So, that being said..... What is my next step?
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well she came over to pick up her mail. I dressed up real nice looking like I was going out for the night. We talked for about an hour. We didn't talk about our relationship at all. I just kept smiling and laughing with her. A few times as she was talking she was glassey eyed. She asked if I was going out and I said I was in a bit. So she finally started to leave and she was getting a bit glassy eyed again. She asked for a hug and I did. Then she went in for a kiss and I pulled back. Then she hugged me harder. I asked if she was OK, and she wimpered "yeah, but it's still hard" Then she left. I was in total control and appeared ready to move on. I wanted so bad to start kissing her but it would have just given her back the confidence to leave me. What do you guys think?
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she has no idea So how do I get my key back? I also have more of her mail. I don't want to have to bring the mail to her everytime, that's B.S. I don't want to break the NC, so what do I do? Should I text her that she has mail and ask for my key? It is my only gate key. Oh well, I just text her about it.
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Here is an email she just sent to a friend: "I had a rough week - finally told Mark I was dating somebody else and that it was over. Mark & I had been getting together yet before that, but it was like the same old relationship. It was very difficult to let go completely because I know I'll never hear from him again. But, I guess it was time. He said he never thought I would leave, he saw us together forever with kids, he treated my * * * *ty because he was afraid of getting hurt again, and he would treat me different if I moved back. It was kind of hard to say "No" because I was giving up a lot. I was also very leary to start anything with somebody new especially because of what I had heard about him. But, so far so good I guess." Jeez, I really want to drive over to her apartment right now and see her. She does have a key of mine and I still need it back. How do I do this?
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Well, tell me specifically. It would help me.
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LMAO! Yeah I've thought that so many times during our relationship. What makes you say it?
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Yeah, apparently just after the guy said he wouldn't see her anymore, he hooked up with an ex of his. That must have been why she told me the next day that things were over with him and he wasn't right cause he didn't posess some of my qualities (ie. not sleeping with ex's etc) But he called her the next day and she went right on over. So I guess they are back. Sounds like this guy could hurt her.
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I can't stop feeling like I should give it another chance. unfortunately, I have access to her email and check it once in a while. I know it's bad, and it doesn't help me move on but it's interesting to know what messages she sends out about me, her new relationship, and how she feels. So far she seems excited to go on this trip with the new guy. A few friends have emailed her asking about our situation and the new guy too. One message she sent out said that she felt bad things didn't work out with me and she hated that I don't want to stay in contact with her. She also said that the guy broke if off with her when he found out she went out with me on my B-day. She stated that she basically begged the guy to take her back and he said they could still hang out once in a while. But the very next day he invited her over for the night. Not sure what else is going on, but they are still going on that trip next month. Guess I would like to see a message implying that she misses me and the new guy isn't working out, but of course it will probably be the opposite. Yeah, I guess he is a rebound. However she says now that she saw us as over 2 months ago. Well, that's a bold statement considering she wanted to spend time with me all last month up unitl 1 week ago.
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It just hurts that she is happy with another guy. The feeling that this strange man is fullfilling the void I gave her really hurts. She feels like family to me and I cannot fathom another man with her, making her feel good that she left me. The rejection I am feeling is the worst thing here I think. I know she was not the right one for me. But feelings are feelings. I just cannot believe she has already made plans to go away for a weekend with this guy. Also, her family comes in from Wisconsin this week for a visit. First time ever. I feel bad I won't see them. She ALWAYS begged me to go fly to Wisconsin with her to see her family. I did once, but now I am so busy with work. It always made her mad that I wouldn't go. I just hate that all of a sudden I miss her and want her. For all that time I really felt I didn't care, and when she moved out I felt kind of liberated. But now that she doesn't want to see me and is dating someone new I care like crazy. I hate being out of her life, and I guess I never really thought about how that would feel. But, this IS for the best. I KNOW she isn't the right one for me and life would have been miserable/stressful with her. I should be happy about all this. But, I am feeling worse. I'm finding it hard to get on with my day.
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She felt a moment of weakness and knew she could come to you. Once she saw that you still liked her, she felt better about herself and backed off. She is selfish. She doesn't care about your feelings at all. You were probably doing OK, then she opens up the wound giving you hope, and then she rejects you. Thus, leaving you feeling close to the way you felt just after the break. What a selfish * * * * *. Having a daughter really makes things tough. You should tell her you want to see other people, and things between you 2 are not going to work. Bamn! You're in the driver seat.
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Thanks Friscodj. Yeah I do realize she is wrong for me. Just wish my realization and my emotions could be in agreement. Someone new sounds so great, but at the same time so distant. I will NOT contact her at all. I can live with that. But, I guarantee she WILL contact me eventually. Funny how for so long I would rarely even cuddle with her in bed, and now that's all I want to do. Last year I went thru such hell with her and fought so hard to get her back. And when she finally came back I resented her for all the past. Now I just want to give all of myself to her. Once again, my emotions speaking louder than my intelligence. I realize my months of being cold towards her was a defense mechanism becuase I knew that she wasn't really the one for me, and my future looked poor if I were to continue on and marry her. It's a blessing in disguise, but it feels like death.
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I think you misunderstood my post.... It was ME that left the love cards and pictures on her doorstep. I figured I just didn't need that stuff anymore. Well last night and today have been pretty tough. I miss her. I know that this breakup is for the best, becuase deep down I wanted to break it off with her anyway, and she would make me unhappy in the long run. But now that it happened, I feel like hell. When I think about our relationship rationally I know that she wasn't the one for me. Emotionally, however, it is hard. After being together so long you just get so comfortable with each other. I love knowing exactly how to touch her and exactly how to satisfy her when making love. To meet someone new and re-learn all that familiarity doesn't sound very appealing right now. And I didn't count on her meeting a new guy and plannig trips with him so soon. It's all a bit much to take. I'm trying to stay positive, but I feel like just staying home and crying. I can't believe I am reacting this way after feeling like I didn't want her anymore for so long. Jeez.
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So yesterday after I left her house in the morning, I get home and she texts messages me about something. So I text back: "I can no longer keep in contact with you. Please no more calls, emails, texts. I have your mail and other stuff. I will leave it outside my door, please pick it up while I am not here" Well I go out for the day, come back and its the stuff is still there. So I text: "Not trying to be mean, but please pick up your things or else I will have to discard them" So she texts back asking if I could drop it off because she has to work all weekend. Well I just wanted it out of my house so I dropped it off at her door on my way to a night out with my friends. The stuff included some mail, all her love cards she ever wrote to me, and every picture of us over the course of 3 years (about 200 pictures). So later that night she texts: "Remember that CD we made? There is a song missing " 1 hour later she texts: "I figured you would get rid of the pictures but not that soon" Then again 3 hours later at 11 pm: "Looking at the pics and listening to our CD. You're right we had good times too." Well, I never responded. And I won't be responding. I had a great night out! There we sooooo many girls out.....WOW! I am still hurt but I realize I am better off. All I have to do is picture what marriage, and having kids together would REALLY be like with her, and it makes me feel pretty lucky right now.