Der17

Sunflower, I think your cautious approach is the right one....most people on this site are caught between moving on and holding some hope of their ex wanting them back...I'm one of them but that's another story. Be careful, something didn't work the first time and that is the baggage that will come in the second time unless it is dealt with immediately by talking it out....it's much easier to deal with the issues now that you are not as involved than throw yourself back into a relationship only to find the same issues coming back to haunt you. Trust me, they will if they are not dealt with. I wish I was in your position to have that choice but if I ever am I would insist on both myself and my ex partner dealing with the issues that caused her to leave the relationship the first time. You are the one in control now and have the right to call the shots. Get all the questions and concerns and any doubts that you have out now.....it's up to him to justify and earn the right to come back into your life.. Good luck Der17

Thanks for all the replies... Wild one, Disruptors and Free spirit all hit various points right on the head. It was good just to hear someone else say she wanted her cake and eat it.......I have to be honest with myself about the whole insecure thing that Free Spirit brought up.......when I decided to go on MY TRIP to find MYSELF I had no problems doing that but the moment another guy enters her life, it's complete pandemonium and the feelings of injustice and I can't cope start to surface and it's THEN that I realise how much I want her. I still want her but its so difficult to be honest with myself as to what I am really dealing with...lost love or lost safety net........I'm sure there are many out there who can relate

My friend of 3 years officially split up with me 7 weeks ago even though we had actually been separated since October (my decision so I could travel..find myself...I feel so foolish now) The split occurred because she has found someone else and I've done the whole spilling my guts out and confessing my undying love thing in emails and phonecalls (only the week immediately after the breakup)....with nothing but a cold reaction on her part (familiar experience to a lot of people reading this I'm sure). I asked her to clarify whether there was any hope...She responded "No" and as soon as she did this back at the start of April...I responded with an email "I will accept its over..I wish you all the best...goodbye" 7 days later i get a response apologising for being so cold and saying it will be her last email and mid April yet another response with a friendly email. I still don't reply and she calls me at the end of April just wanting to hear my voice and as I fell back into the trap of spilling my guts again she became cold saying it was a mistake to call. I called her the following day in anger just letting her know how selfish I felt she was knowing that she was already in a relationship with somebody else but calling me to let me know she was thinking about me while being totally inconsistant with there is no hope and then emailing me...I said quite a few things in anger and she took them on board saying it was the worst thing she had ever done making the call. Anyway, I sent one final email to her 2 weeks ago...I can't leave things in anger...I wrote to tell her she had a special place in my heart but that I had to accept it was over and it was. I told her that I would move on not because I wanted to, but because I have to. I suggested we shouldn't contact each other for six months unless she had any doubts in her feelings and that contact should be to touch base. I still think about her all the time...all the time and I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing...my intentions for the final email were basically to say...I know you're in another relationship...I will respect that and will try to move on. I realise there may be some confusion but we both need to sort that out on our own. I just feel that I am taking a gamble as I really want to contact her now but somehow believe that if I am intentional about keeping the no contact rule, she might have another moment of weakness and call me....Is six months too long??? or am I doing the right thing to have any chance....I feel that I have already committed myself to that time period and feel that I've done a good job in not contacting her...the only time I faltered was when she initiated that call to say she wanted to hear my voice...that still annoys me. I guess I just want her to have the space to see if this guy will last in her life without my interference constantly contacting her in desperation...my biggest fear is that my inactivity in any contact over the next 6 months will lose her...I've been told to do the opposite..play it cool, don't contact her and maybe she'll realise that you're not going to be available...Should I contact her before the six months to say hi or have I made the right move.....I am going to try and move on in the process but my foolish pride and heart doesn't want to let her go....Please any advice would be appreciated

This is my first entry on this site......after a 3 year relationship my friend found someone else and it has left me devestated...I had actually initiated the break back in October through fear of committal and took a break to make sure she was the one leaving her open to see other people..broke for about 4 months and after reaching the conclusion she was the one, upon returning she had moved on....She told me it was over...This was two months ago....I had emailed her asking to clarify that it was over as there was some confusion to our ending....she clarified it with the coldest response and that was to be her last email according to her. I responded with a "Thats what I needed to know, now I need to move on" Three days later she emails me back thanking me for three special years and sorry for being so cold but it needed to be said. I didn't respond...10 days later another email ....she was sending a package of my stuff that was still in her house back to me and went on to tell me about her life and son whom I love dearly. She was still with the other guy so I didn't respond. A few days back she calls me saying she misses my voice and was thinking about me and after asking her what she was trying to do to me she says she has to get off the phone...I call her the next day...she's as cold as ever saying the call was a mistake that she has to live with. I would like some advice....I initated the breakup back in October and I regret it with all my heart...does it sound like she confused and that I need to give her space and should I keep the hope alive of getting back with her...I want to believe that it is doomed with this other guy given she has contacted me....it's impossible for me to try and get over her when I realise she has called me. Should I give up on her??? Some input from females would be appreciated as I can't figure out her motives...she is still with the other guy....do you think the way she has responded is being manipulative or a cry of her real emotions that are buried right now..I will give everything to keep her but I'm afraid that I am being manipulated. I feel that I can't move on almost in complete denial....I told her I didn't want any contact in the next six months unless she had any doubts in her feelings....I just want her to say she has made a mistake....she has been going with this guy for two months....What should I do...I feel like I can't move on as I believe in the hope but maybe I am also in denial...any advice would be appreciated..sorry this is so long