mbc9ie
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We neither want to give up.... she doesnt want a divorce... but she doesnt know what to do to help the situation... My question is what to do, when your wife that Says that she has fallen out of love, but wants to try and fix the marriage. But only looks at the negative side. She thinks she sabotage's all her relationships, I have been with her for 3 years. She says she knows how she feels…. And well she doesn't know how to fix it. You cant just fix falling out of love. But, the thing is.. I really think she thinks she is not good enough for me… never got her diploma and never had a great paying job so she thinks that she hasnt contributed enough. And other things. I love her just how she is. All her friends and family think she is making a wrong choice and they side with me. And she has depression issues and should be on medicine. And has had a bad childhood and really needs to talk to some one. For some one who doesn't handle stress, or pressure well… with her thinking she is not good enough, thinking that everyone thinks she is wrong, and her blaming her self for the problem thinking that she is the problem and depression and everything else that is going on. She has gotten to the point of.. what ever happens happens… if she falls back in love then that was the way it was mean to be. And if nothing changes then it was meant to be. I think she is over powered by her past and problems that are going on. And cant see towards the good things that happen now and in the past….. I think she is stuck in her thinking that she Is a failure….. What can I do…….. Its like she is so mentally beat down that she has some what given up… because all she see's is the negative things that are holding back the relationship. I am working at the good times and fun we have.. and she just thinks I am not listening to her or don't get it. But she doesn't see anything but the bad stuff… Any ideas?
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she acts like she is standing at the ledge but not ready to take the leap........
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Its been a while since I wrote so here is what is new: It's the things that don't make any sense that confuse me about how my wife says she feels. She says she has fallen out of love with me. We still every now and then argue, but it does not take much for us to get past it now. She doesn't hate me at all and is hardly mad at me. Its just the fact that we sleep in bed together.. even after she says she doesn't want to, and that she wants to have the couch. We still have sex, and we have experimented further with sex that she never wanted to try previously. She still finds me attractive, go every where together, go out by our selves. I message and lotion her almost every night in the buff. But we are separated and living in the same house… If she wanted nothing to do with me in my eyes she wouldn't be doing all she does. We decided to concentrate on being friends so that we can get our relationship straight.. for a while we strugged with the idea of us being able to get along. And if through all that she could fall back in love that she would. I asked her if her feelings had changed.. and her reply was " Ehhh… no not really" and it took a little while for her to answer. Is she not seeing how she really feels or is she confused We had a son 15 months ago, and she is 20 and I am 28 I don't know what to think. She always says that if we moved out it would be easier but she never goes any where.. always seems to come back to me. She thinks that I am the one clinging.. well I may.. but it always comes down to every night she crawls in bed with me to go to sleep….. Its confusing
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for all of you who have read all my posts, then you know what i have been going through. Well i finally got it out of her... She had a rough time coming up as a child and her that boy friend walked all over her and pushed things on her and hurt her pretty bad.... I mean it has affected her.. And i have been dealing with it for 3 years.. we started to grow apart around the time that she got pregnant. She told me last night that she doesnt love me. And that she is mad at me and furious with me aswell as resents me for some of the things that have happened. She says how could the one guy that she loved and and said that he would never hurt her and stand beside her through everything she went through, hurt her in the ways that he promissed to never hurt her. And that when she asked to just give her space to breath and let her clear her head. that he pushed and pushed and never just backed off. And that she is tired of being walked on and is not going to be walked on anymore. she does not hate me , she will tell anyone that i am a great person , and a great husband, and a great father. that i just have some bad tendencies at times.... How do i prove my self, change my self.... and how do i get her trust back to try and see if there is anything we can salvage out of all this.. she is so mad and furious with me. that there is no way she can love me. So what steps can i do to regain her trust.... she wants our friendship fixed, but if we dont get past that then that is fine with her.. and if she can fall back in love through all of this then it will be great as well. What is there that i can do. Just give space and see if she comes back, or what... i still am trying to get help for us. what is there that i cn do.. how do i just be a friend to the one i love more then anything. she is just so angry.......... i miss her.. she say sthat what will bring us back to gether if it happens and if some how she falls back in love it would be the good times that we had... becuase they were good.... but there were somany bad times... what can i do........ advice please....
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i just really hope that time will heal the rift that we have created by arguing.. she cant love some one she resents and hates from arguing.. who knows....
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so am i right to think differently on my situation.. she is quick to say it is over but does admit that we need to fix our friend ship and that what ever happens happens and that if we can get our relationship back then that would be great. she is quick to make a decision on us and is depressed and dead inside and doesnt love her self..... her saying that she knows she doesnt love me thinks that she is not making a thought out decision.. so right now the space is going well.. we are just talking around 10 pm before we go to bed... we are not arguing... that is the reason for this .. to stop us from arguing.... so who knows.... does any of this make sense.. i know she has slept with some one else.. but in her eyes we ae not together and we are separated.. but she is doing what ever she can to , just make her self happy.... I dont know.. i think she just is lost.. and am still going to try and get her to get help.. or go with me for help my self as well as medication.... its weird being away from her feels good.. but i do worry about her and miss her..... its weird
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questions of why my wife feels as she does
mbc9ie replied to mbc9ie's topic in Emotions and Feelings
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- so am i right to think differently on my situation.. she is quick to say it is over but does admit that we need to fix our friend ship and that what ever happens happens and that if we can get our relationship back then that would be great. she is quick to make a decision on us and is depressed and dead inside and doesnt love her self..... her saying that she knows she doesnt love me thinks that she is not making a thought out decision.. so right now the space is going well.. we are just talking around 10 pm before we go to bed... we are not arguing... that is the reason for this .. to stop us from arguing.... so who knows.... does any of this make sense.. i know she has slept with some one else.. but in her eyes we ae not together and we are separated.. but she is doing what ever she can to , just make her self happy.... I dont know.. i think she just is lost.. and am still going to try and get her to get help.. or go with me for help my self as well as medication.... its weird being away from her feels good.. but i do worry about her and miss her..... its weird -
so am i right to think differently on my situation.. she is quick to say it is over but does admit that we need to fix our friend ship and that what ever happens happens and that if we can get our relationship back then that would be great. she is quick to make a decision on us and is depressed and dead inside and doesnt love her self..... her saying that she knows she doesnt love me thinks that she is not making a thought out decision.. so right now the space is going well.. we are just talking around 10 pm before we go to bed... we are not arguing... that is the reason for this .. to stop us from arguing.... so who knows.... does any of this make sense.. i know she has slept with some one else.. but in her eyes we ae not together and we are separated.. but she is doing what ever she can to , just make her self happy.... I dont know.. i think she just is lost.. and am still going to try and get her to get help.. or go with me for help my self as well as medication.... its weird being away from her feels good.. but i do worry about her and miss her..... its weird
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i am lost and dont know what to do, do i give up.. do i just let it tke its course.. do i act like i donr care... what do i do...
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and your right...
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and if you want to know why i am doing everything i can to get her back after all she is done.. she feels scorned by me.. and its easier to do the easy way then the hard way.. its easier to walk away then to stay..... I still see the woman i fell in love with trapped inside that woman that now stands in her place..... thats the reason i do it..........
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i want to seek help, i have even tried to get her to go with me for the sake of our child.. its just so hard..... its like talking to a brick wall.
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what do i do.. go in there and tell her that if she is going to divorce me then atleast respect me enough to go to counceling and get back on anti depressents. I wish i could tell her taht thats what i wanna do. what is the next step.. just walking away?
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she doesnt think medication is going to help.. or councelling is going to either.. she has been through it at a younger age and thinks it will not help now becuase she is depressed .. but knows what she feels... which i think is bull crap... excuse the languge .. it is frustrating
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I KNOW I SOUND LIKE I TAKE BLAME FOR EVERYTHING.. I THINK I WOULD RATHER IT BE THAT WAY. i WILL SAY THAT SHE WILL SAY THAT SHE IS HALF THE PROBLEM.. I JUST DONT THINK SHE TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS. bUT I JUST THAT SHE ISNT LOOKING AT THIS IN THE CORRECT WAY....
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between the both of us.. i think she is just young and lost. I am older.. i dont know why i an trying to make this work. Its hard. she tellsme when we fight that she wants a divorce.. but when she is upset she says that she does not know what she wants... in her eyes we are not together.. thats why she slept with him.. but she says that if we fix things and its mean to be then its meant to be..... i think with all that is going on .. she is just worried about breathing and just her self while she trys to fix things .. right now its all on her.. and she knows she is hurting people but its something she needs to do right now.. but like i said actions speak louder then words....... she doesnt really lie... technically if there was a party it was after i had talked to her and went to bed.. and she isnt going to call me..... and wake me up, thats how she is.. we have had a marriage and relationship where we talk about everything.. and hold no secrets... right now she is just mad from me always trying to ask what we can do instead of giving her the space she wants.. i have bugged her. and it is just making her mad..... it just feels like i am running into a wall, cuase if i had just given her the space from the beginning instead of what i was doing... it may have ben different. We have only made things worse............. but she is willing to fix the friend ship and if we get that straight and can get along and fix our marriage then she is all for it... but right now she is so mad, pissed off and full of resentment towards me, how can she see things right. She says she knows how she feels.. but with all that going on towards me.... i dont think she clearly knows what she is doing. she wanted space to breath to try and sort out things... I loved her tomuch.. and instead of doing what she asked i tried to help the situation but only made it worse.. so this is why i am confused....
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thanks for the advice
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what do i do? My wife and i have been apart for 3 months..... she says that she does not love me but wants to fix our friend ship that we have damaged. And then if we can get through that and we can fix our marriage that she would like that. But we have to deal with everything one step at a time.. well last night was the first time we stayed apart from each other... as in agreed staying apart. I went to my parents house and i will go home on friday then she will stay with her mom next week. What confuses me is i always believe that actions speak louder then words.. and that during us being a part she slept with a nother man.. but the awkwardness of it all is that i met him, and it was only a friendship that when she was lonely and hurt by all that happened.. and he being a friend one thing led to another. we were and still are apart.. us bumping heads over and over again has only made our situation worse... so that why we have agreed to spend some time apart. but us both spending a week with our son at our house. i got side tracked... sorry... (at work typing this) i now know him (the other man)..and he sort of has become my friend... its weird.. he promissed me that it wouldnt happen again and that he is trying to get her to come back to me.. i have heard there convo's its kind of scary.. he wants her happy but wants her to try and fix our marriage...... she says there is no feelings toward me.. but the way she acts the things she says the things she does she always talks about the future us..... she has depression issues, doesnt love her self, thinks she is ugly, fat totally dead inside..... she is so lost that i dont know how she can be sure of what she is doing..... how can she be sure she doesnt love me when she has never left me, still constantly argues instead of not carring... basically she tells me one thing and acts a different way.... she is going with her friends right now to feel better by goin out and hanging out... instead of just trying to figure things out... Me giving her space, is that going to help.. or is it going to prolong what is happening? we argue so much becuase she doesnt wanna talk.. where i want to get things straight. I talked to her last night at 11pm she said no one was coming over and that she was going to bed.. i forgot something at the house went to get it and there were beer cans everywhere becuase i guess after 11 there was a party at the house. its just frustrating.. i am home at my parents.. trying to get my self straight and she is just trying to have fun. so she will not sit home alone...... any advice?
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well i hope that works out in my situation.... thanks
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well today started the time we are going to spend apart.... hope it works out for us....
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its weird.. she says she doesnt love me... but today she had an upset stomach... and when i got home to pack, she was cleaning house..... she almost never cleans house.. it was like she was trying to keep herself busy.. who knows....... i am so confused
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still trying to get her to go... right now i dont think she is ready.. she is to angry to just listen.. she is fast to attack...
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I HOPE SO.... i dont know what to think sometimes.... she is so confusing...
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tonight we are going to start spending time apart.. we have been separated in the same house trying to keep our selves straight for our 14 month old son. We have bumped heads and argued so much over the past 3 months.. she has resentment towards me and anger from me being pushy on us trying to fix things.... My question is... does the space away from each other.. let the anger and resentment go away? We dont hate each other.. she just wants to deal with our problems when she can.. i want to seek help now and deal with it... so it leads us to argue.. she wants to go out with her friends.. to get away from me... and i just wanna fix things.. she has never been on her own.. and i dont think she is ready for that. She says she wants us to fix out friend ship that we have damaged and that once we get through that, that then if we can go ahead and fix the marriage that we can try.... she says what ever is meant to be is meant to be.... its hard to just walk away knowing that i love her,,, and that she says she doesnt.. but is so angry and depressed that she cant make a clear decision. so does space and time apart actually help.. i am goin to my parents.. then she is going to hers and so on.. we need equal time with our son.... we are just so hard headed and stubborn.... is it supposed to feel like your doing the wrong thing to try and help the right thing....?
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questions of why my wife feels as she does
mbc9ie replied to mbc9ie's topic in Emotions and Feelings
so how do i go about it do i not speak to her do i let her call me.. how does it work with a child? tonight starts the space she wants...