Ariel

Maybe not, but if you are a faithful person, with morals, you will not kiss another person while in a loving relationship no matter how drunk you are! People use drink as an excuse so many times and it's just lame. We are responsible for our own actions and choices, regardless of how much we've had to drink.

Ah, think we crossed posts. I'm glad he's making some effort with the counselling. You're bound to feel paranoid and betrayed, the sort of wound he has caused will not go away overnight, it will take some serious hard work and he will have to completely regain your trust from scratch. I am sure you can do it if you're both prepared to work at it.

Ouch. It's bad enough that he did it, but from your post he sounds like he's barely showing any remorse! I don't think you should let him get away with it, because that throws open the gate for him to do it again and again. If you want to work through it, insist he goes to relationship counselling with you. If he won't, it may be time to consider whether there is any future with a guy like this.

As an employer, I would much rather someone gave me the "real" person and not a false impression. If someone is trying to hide who they are, or is pretending to be something they're not, IT SHOWS. I guess each employer looks for different things, but we are all human and make the same judgements from first impressions as anyone else. I would definitely advise anyone to "be yourself" - obviously don't sit there with your feet on the table and punctuating your answers with F-words, but we're all people at the end of the day, and your interviewer will definitely want an idea of your true personality!

This is not a problem which is ever going to go away. He already had a family, and that sort of baggage is permanent. You'll have to decide whether you can cope with that and accept his son, and his ex-wife, and if you can't, get out now and walk away before it ends in more divorce papers, and maybe another child being brought up by one parent.

Sex therapy could be a good idea, but you'd have to be incredibly tactful about your reasons. Telling her "I think we should have therapy because your boobs are too small and you just don't do it for me" is not going to do your relationship, or her confidence, any favours! To be honest, I'm quite surprised, you must be the first guy I've ever heard say that size DOES matter!

No need to attack, I did SAY I was generalising!

Well, I was generalising, but it does tend to be the case quite often!

I think the problem is with you, not your poor wife - you need to remind yourself how lucky you are to have her and focus on all the things that make her wonderful - of which I'm sure there are many. Nothing you do is going to make her miraculously grow a huge porn-star bust, you need to accept that. And to be honest, be glad she's petite - those girls with massive jugs are going to be hugely fat in ten years time, while your wife will still be lovely and slim and youthful, and in proportion! Why not buy her some really pretty undies that flatter the figure she's got, instead of wishing she were something different! Enjoy what you've got.

I'm amazed you're actually old enough to BE married - you sound all of 13 years old. Get over the boob thing - there's more to a marriage than that!

More to the point, why did she marry you? She must have very low self-esteem, probably because of all your requests for her to have breast implants! How utterly shallow can you get?

If someone sent me that letter I'd change my phone number, get a few extra bolts on the door and take out a restraining order. Read it back to yourself and you might realise why it comes accross as so utterly loopy.

Whoa, you're trying to tell a guy what he is and is not allowed to DREAM about? I think you have some serious insecurity and self-esteem issues you need to work through YOURSELF, leave the poor guy alone!

OK, nothing's changed. He knows I hate it but when he's in a rage (which is often these days) there's no reasoning with him. So, today, his mum called him at work (it's his company, and there were a few of his staff around within earshot. Bear in mind his folks NEVER call him at work, not even when his dad was rushed to hospital last year, so immediately thought something bad had happened) Turns out that the mother of a girl he used to go out with about 13 years ago had asked for his phone number out of the blue. He wanted to know what it was about, and obviously didn't want his folks to give out his phone number, in case it turned out to be some psychotic ex causing mayhem. His folks got funny about him saying "no" and he lost his temper with them and ended up slamming the phone down. Apparently his dad had said he was going to give them the phone number anyway! So my fella has got in the car and gone home, without saying a word, only to phone me from home shouting and swearing about how they've "betrayed" him and he doesn't want anything to do with them (his parents) ever again, and also calling them some horrible, horrible names. It turns out this girl only wanted his phone number because she's trying to track down a mutual friend from years ago, and his folks have NOT given out his phone number, although they've had a go at him for not wanting to give it out (?) Now he's saying he's not having anything to do with his parents any more because he can't trust them, and that if they phone again I'VE got to explain why he's so angry because they won't listen to him but will isten to me! He wants them to know that a) by phoning him at work with something so personal and then being argumentative about it, it has made him look unprofessional in front of his employees, and b) this girl could have had ANYTHING up her sleeve, and if she'd got our home phone number she could come out with all sorts of crap and ruin everything between him and me. Sorry this is so long but I really need another perpective here. Am I over-reacting, is HE over-reacting, and what should I do if his parents call? I keep telling myself that it's because of all the pressure he's under at the moment, and it will change when the house sale is over etc etc, but it's just happening more and more and I hate it. Every time he goes into one of these rages I get the brunt of his anger and shouting, and yet he always manages to tie in a "I don't know what I'd do without you / you're the only one I can trust" which means then I can't ask him to stop or even walk away. I am so sick of this situation! Sorry this is so long

Yeah, if this was the other way round do you think any self-respecting girl should stick with a guy who knocks her about? No. Get rid, walk away, end it. Violence is not excusable or tolerable. Get yourself a nice decent girl.