raven

ok, being a married woman who lost a lot of weight, this is my opinion... people change..your wife is experiencing incredible feelings of self worth. being overweight is horrible and when you loose that weight people look and act differently towards you. its a high no drug could give you. my feeling is that men who are married to "fat" women feel safe. you know that she isnt being persued by anyone else, so you feel secure. its not a bad thing, its just how things happen. your wife is now basically a different person and you must get to know each other again. remember just because the body changes, doesnt mean the mind changes. im sure she still loves you very much. embrace the new her and learn to love her all over again. you will find that your depression will disapaear and you will be much happier. good luck, raven

i would give your relationship some time. even though she didnt see this other man for a long period of time, it seems that they formed a bond. dont worry first loves always leave an impression. i have been married for almost eight years and even though my first love ended unpleasantly, i still think about him from time to time... thats what first loves are for. i think as yall continue to get to know each other, she will think of this person less and less, but you must understand that first loves always stay in your heart. thats just the way it is. good luck to you raven

hi, well i always say go with your gut instinct. do you have any other reasons to believe hes been unfaithful? have you talked to him about how you are feeling? if hes not talking about it and if you want to know for sure, then ask the girl. if you dont have other reasons to believe hes been unfaithful, then you should believe him. do you have a good relationship? do yall communicate? do you get jealous easily? if so then maybe he didnt tell you because he didnt want to make more of it then it was. so is or has she gone out with the brother? has he said anything about it? maybe you should ask good luck, raven

i have been married for 8 years and i do love my husband, but i am having an affair with a man i work with. he was hired about 5 years ago and at first i couldnt stand him, but over time we have become great friends and the attraction began about 3 years ago. mostly just serious flirting all day long at work. then we started doing things afterwork and the evening would usually end with me trying to push it to something sexual. at the time he was not married, but i was and he did not want me to blame him for letting things happen so he would push me away. i was so attracted to him that i didnt care what the consequences were, i just wanted to be with him. this went on for about 6 months and then i told my husband i wanted a divorce, this was about a year and a half ago. i was going to leave him for this other man, but i didnt tell him that was the reason. we had grown apart for some time and even though we loved each other, we had so many problems that there really wasnt much of a marriage going on. also at this time my friend and i ended up spending the night together and it was incredible. then my friend decides that he doesnt want to be the reason that i leave my husband and so the next thing i know, he is going out with this other girl that i knew he had been attracted to for awhile. i was hurt but what right did i have to say anything since i was the married one? i had to make a decision and i decided that i didnt want to be alone so i decided to try to work things out with my husband, after all i do love him, just not like i loved my friend. then the shock came... my friend called me one night to tell me he got her pregnant but that he still loved me, i swallowed my hurt and anger and told him that i loved him and that i wasnt disappointed in him(though i was) and that i supported him......then he married her, and didnt tell me about it till after the ceremony. he said he didnt know how to tell me. his whole life changed within a year of us being together. i was so hurt...i thought about him day and night, my heart ached. at the same time i had to put up a front to everyone else. i would find time to be alone to cry. i decided i had to accept what happened (afterall i had no choice) and worked on my marriage and pushed all thoughts of him from my head, eventually it got easier. about four months ago he instant messages me at work and asks me if i ever think about that night? i was floored, i had pushed it all from my mind and he was bringing it up out of the blue. the next day at work i asked him if he asked me that because he enjoyed the memory, or because he wanted to do it again, and he said both. i had gone on vacation about a month before and he said that he missed me so much and that was when he realized he still had feelings for me. i still loved him, and in less than a week we spent the afternoon together and it was incredible, each time has been incredible since. so here i am, four months later having an affair with a married man that i am in love with and living with my husband who i love, but am not in love with. does anyone have any advice? please dont tell me to end the affair, i dont think i can.