seterk

Read your own emails about this guy. Out loud to yourself. You know he's lying, you know he's hitting on other girls, in fact he's doing it in front of you!! You say you have a gut feeling? My God, based on your own words of him saying you have a gut feeling he's no good is like saying Osama Bin Laden may be a dangerous guy. You already know the answer. Now, the important question: why are you with him, and what will be your next step to gain the self esteem so it doesn't happen again? Hint If I am hard on you it's because you already know the truth, and need to get going to do what you have to do. I've been through it a million times, and I finally learned......

..the email thing may be nothing. But when you add in the fact that he has all his ex-s phone numbers in his phone, it takes on a different context. How do you know he didn't reply to her? And why are the phone numbers there- they wouldn't be in his phone unless he planned to use them in my opinion...

See? You said you didn't like her personality! She's not a good person, she cheats, she ruins lives, she jumps in and out of unhealthy relationships..and you LOVED her?????Don't gloss her bad points over, and quit defending her. Reread your own posts. You tell about something horrible she did, then you immediately defend her or blame yourself for what she did. She sucks man. She's an a--hole. And if you keep idealizing her, or letting her have power over your thoughts, then YOU are an a--hole!!!!! It's about your self esteem, not women. If you fix your self esteem, a woman like that couldn't get near you. And she wouldn't sight you as a target either. Just giving you some tough love, bro......

The affair didn't "just happen." That's like saying drug use "just happens." You had certain conditions or mindsets that made this the end result. The other girl wasn't changed when she met you. You said it yourself that her behavior has been the same before during and since this thing. Read that again-you said it yourself! By the way, it sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. These types are classic for getting someone like yourself into their traps. I think your counselor might want to look at this as an obssession problem and I would ask if maybe something like Luvox, which is an anti depressant with anti obsessive properties can help. You mention a typical interaction with your wife. Was this verbatim? Maybe you should practice new conversational techniques. Ask her about things having nothing to do with anything-"the weather"- and SLOWLY try to move the subjects towards your relationship. Ask her a lot of open ended questions, so she has to talk. Use your body language to show interest. There are several web sites and books on this. Pretend you just met her!! Make her like you again. You might enjoy the whole process. Oh, by the way, when you read this paragraph you didn't think about the other girl, did you? Because I just got you thinking of a new, important thing to pursue!! Action trumps negative thinking!!! Again..Action trumps negative thinking!!! Say, notice I call the other person a "girl?" Because she is..a little girl. Concentrate on your WOMAN, man!!!! Do it. P.S. Sound like I know about this? I wasted years on girls like this. And I wasn't married. I would actually dump available, quality ladies just to be available for these idiots, who would then jerk me around. Believe me, I know your misery, man.

..you are now obsessing. This is entering a phase where you are not thinking healthy. Talk to a counselor. Trust me. Remember, I've been there, done that..

You should hate the other woman:she played you. She didn't love you. And you know it. You love your wife man. The other thing was a fantasy, an obsession. If you got her, the whole thing would have been destroyed. You only loved her because you couldnt have her. Read my subject title..I know, guy. Go to a counseler, it will help, I promise. Pretend you just met your wife. Look at her different. Admire her positive personality traits. Don't overdo things. Be restrained, she will begin to notice, believe me. She's the loyal one, remember!!!!! The other one is a low life user. Right?? RIGHT???????

I'm a little older than some of you and unfortunately got my experience from being messed over, but here goes: First, how did you tell her you knew? What was her reaction, what did she say? Was she drunk when she played? Did her version match what you had heard? Add all these up, and you'll know the score. Then, if you believe her, tell her. Then tell her you forgive her. But that it hurt. Then be a man and trust her. Don't worry about whAT MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. iF YOU INSTINCTIVELY feel she is a good girl, you will have to be a mature guy and respect her as such. Otherwise, you will drive her away for no reason. Trust me, you will lose more women in your life because of YOUR behavior than hers. Buddy, I know. I've been there. Learn now, and save yourself a lot of sadness, and bring yourself a lot of happiness!! Best!

You mention he was evicted. So he's no good, right? Were her other guys like this too? Because if they were, she has low self esteem. And she won't do whats healthy and right with her decisions.

Based on what I'm going through, i think you should be concerned. Did she mention he was leaving his stuff there? You mentioned her personal history, and said they are extremely friendly to the point it's noticed. Also, you bag friendships with other girls for her(and I'm sure she says you shouldn't do that, right? But her behavior shows she does care, right?). I think she wants a backup boyfriend. I'd tell her my concerns, gently, and see what she says. But based on my experiences, and believe me buddy I've been burned a lot in my time, I see red flags. Reread your post. Notice how you mention something she did, then immediately make excuses for her? Uh-huh...see what I mean?