emma_line

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. After reading your responses and then reading my words, well, what can I say? I am extremely pleased to say that I never in my life thought it could be like this and I suppose that it is one of the reasons that we're so happy. We are at 11 days and counting until we begin our lives together. Is there any way to make time go faster? For Pete's sake! Every hour takes forever....but then again, an hour compared to the rest of my life? I guess I'll just stick it out, huh? As for courage? I guess I never really even stopped to think about it. My parents, his parents, my kids, my brothers and sisters...I just could not keep my happiness a secret from them. I never really thought twice about not telling them. I don't really think it was courage rather the need to be honest and open. Luckily for us, there wasn't a horrible outcome. Then again, her parents aren't too tickled about it. It's not so much that she's in love with a woman but rather a woman that is so much older. Which brings me to another point...I've had experiences with women, prior to marrying but none thereafter. I've always been turned on by women and have been attracted to them since but have never wanted to really act on the attraction. Until I met her. I now feel no attraction for other women except her. Interestingly enough, I have a good friend who came out a year ago after falling madly in love with a co-worker (they're still together). She phrased it rather well - I fell in love with my soulmate, who just happens to be a woman.

Well, Ballys, I don't really know why I fell for someone so much younger than myself. She and I just clicked. There was this one moment just hours after meeting when we looked into each other's eyes during conversation and I felt a tug in my heart. I couldn't keep my mind from churning around the thought that she was the one. There were so many things about her that just drove me crazy. The way she spoke, the way she moved...her unique perception on life. Aside from being one of the most beautiful individuals I've ever met, I was blown away by her very being. I kept thinking about her parents. I'm about ten years younger than they are. And all I could think of when they came to mind was how grateful I was to them for creating her and stimulating her unique personality. It did bother me that I was so close to her parents' age but at the same time, I didn't care. It still nags at me but I push it away. For a while, at the beginning, I seriously debated ending it because I didn't want to hold her back from experiencing life. From being tied to someone who had already had lived her life up to a point. I've had serious adventures (primarily due to my work as a journalist) and lead an extremely fulfilling life because of them. How can I explain it? I just didn't want her to waste any time. I didn't want my responsibilities (my kids and my career) to saddle her with experiences someone her age shouldn't have to even contemplate. But she won't have any of it. She dismisses it and says that her life is complete as long as I'm in it. My youngest is just a few years away from college and as soon as that time comes, we're off to travel and explore. Both of us have a long list of things we'd like to accomplish. Both of us were sure that we would be experiencing them on our own prior to meeting. Now I cannot see myself accomplishing any of them without her. I don't know...it doesn't really matter how old either of us are right now. What I do know is that whatever time I have with her will be mine forever. It doesn't matter if its a few years or many...I will love every single second of it. It's simply incredible that I've actually found her. And you want to know something else? I've NEVER in my entire life, been happier than when I am with her. What else can I ask for?

The worst possible thing you can do is give up on yourself. Give yourself worth and sooner or later it'll come from everyone else.... It's a tough road you're on but it's going somewhere and you are young. I'm a mother of a young man around your age. So, from a mother...feel a loving vibe and a hug. You're going to be fine, just hang on and trust yourself.

You're absolutely right about the 20 years part. And believe me, I've thought about it and felt it deep within. Even if it was 20 more months, I'd be happy to have them. I adore her and just after I read your post, I heard my phone ring, picked up and heard her voice on the other end. Happy and loving and telling me how she's looking forward to coming down and beginning our life together. Anxiety is a good way to describe it and like every other one I've ever had, I find a way to work through them, I suppose. I guess what I have to really hold on to is her consistency in telling me that it's not an issue. Thanks for your comments and your words...they are so appreciated....take care....

I make that initial statement knowing that it's a truth that comes from deep within me. I am just two months away from my fortieth birthday and also two months away from finalizing a divorce. Fortunately for me, I was married to a man who is light years ahead of many other men because he is amazingly supportive of me despite the fact that I broke his heart. I also have two teenaged children who are the loves of my life and also both amazingly supportive of me. I find myself in love with a woman I met just before New Year's Day... She caught my attention the moment we spoke to each other. Days after meeting, we were inseparable. It's now been nearly six months and we are so deeply in love that I cannot imagine my life without her nor she without me. We have much in common and although, we've been carrying on a long distance relationship for the majority of the time, we have been able to spend unforgettable and intense days together. She is just weeks away from coming down and moving in with me. And I am unbearably happy that we made that decision. As soon as my husband and I decided to divorce, I decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and I spoke to my family and to his regarding my sexuality. I expected harsh words, disbelief and sadness. Incredibly enough, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, my families responded with understanding, compassion and love. I know that I am probably one of the luckiest individuals on the face of the earth because of these very people. And, of course, because I have her in my life. I show gratitude every single day to all that is good and powerful in the universe for my fortune and for the power of her love. Before she came into my life, I knew for a fact that I would end my days alone. I didn't see a future with my husband. I knew that it was a matter of time before we divorced and we were in the final stages of it when I met her. When I say I broke his heart, it was primarily because he expected (and I suspect he kind of looked forward to) my being sad and depressed. And when all I exuded was serenity and happiness, well, he was understandably stunned. Yet he's an amazing man and has shown class and an open mind. Now while all of this sounds perfect, there is one detail, I've omitted that while despite the strength of love and commitment we share, I cannot forget or dismiss. She says it's not important. That it's irrelavant and immaterial. That she'll always be there for me no matter what. My sister was shocked and so was my sister-in-law. My husband was shocked. Probably, everyone who sees us together is shocked. When I'm with her, it's the farthest thing from my mind. But when we're apart and I have time to think, I wonder how I'll swing it. I'm 19 years older than she is. I've never met anyone in my life like her. She is unique. She is the most amazing and interesting person I've met in my entire life. I spent much of my life prior to marrying traveling and then due to work, I traveled even more. Always meeting interesting people from all over the world and I've never encountered someone like her. I wondered to myself, why on earth is she attracted to someone older than she is? When I visited her at home, and she introduced me to her friends, well, not one of them is her own age. They're all my age or older! I don't feel older than she is and I cannot say she seems immature to me. She is far older than her years in demeanor and while she is extremely good at pouting....so am I. So, let's get some feedback from all of you... I have never in my life felt something so intensely as I do the commitment I have to her and have never felt so loved and so appreciated as I do with her. But I know for a fact that while I am in extremely good physical shape now and am attractive to her now...and we can share all our favorite hobbies together (we are both extremely outdoorsy), there will come a time when I won't be able to keep up with her. For Pete's sake, when she's forty..I'll be sixty. And so on and so on. I don't really know why I'm writing all of this down...I guess it's just a way of getting the concept down and actually looking at it. It's not that I'm daunted by it but the reality of it is that I am terrified of her leaving me once I begin to show my age. There...I said it. For all the happiness and all the love, I have that one snag in there. It sneaks up on me mostly when I'm alone. It comes at night when I'm watching her sleep. It bloody well freaks me out and I hate it. I've always been extremely comfortable with my age and have never in my life wished for anything impossible. But it's there. I suppose it'll always be there. We've spoken about it. She insists that I'm insane. She holds me and says that she'll be with me for the rest of our lives. She says she'll always be there for me and when I can't keep up with her, she'll go and do her thing and come back to me. How beautiful is that? But here is the question? Is it possible?