wishingwell

I think it's really strong of you to take this time apart while she's going through a tough time. The best thing is you can make sure she knows you are there for her. And that means that she knows she can depend on you if she needed you, even though you might not always be around. I understand what you mean when you say how people said that you should be together to work things out and thats how you stay strong... but relationships are different in so many different ways, so you guys have to figure out whats best for you. I think you both have a lot of respect for each other to take this time. But you may have to look at it at another perspective.... if these problems are long-term and not easily resolvable, it may say something about your relationship if you are both about to 'explode' at each other.... Or it may just be bad timing. Good luck.

hi misslonelyheart, I think this is a tricky situation. If he asked for your number, it definitely means something, but thats only if he didn't have other ways of reaching you (like your home phone). But if he does have your home number, he may want it just to keep as a convenience, or maybe he does genuinely want to keep in contact with you. I say give him the number and leave it at that. He'll call if he wants to talk to you. I think if you wanted to see how he feels about the whole relationship, maybe continue emailing about working out your financial situations and add in little small talk. Just dont get your hopes too high. Just be careful... you dont want to go backwards after all the progress you've made.

Hi Trev, Break-ups are hard and its amazing that you're able to stay busy! Keep it up! I'm trying to same thing to keep myself busy and occupy my mind. Just try to take it one day at a time.. and you'll get through it. As long as you know the reasons why there was the breakup and you can accept the fact that it is over, then you can fully heal in time. You brought up a good point about not remembering what it feels like to be normal. I feel the exact same way. I dont remember what I was like before my ex, I dont remember the way I acted, how I thought or what I did with my spare time, I dont even remember who I was 2 years ago. I guess that sort of makes you realize that maybe you've lost yourself along the way - and now is the time to try to regain that part of yourself back. Also, dont let yourself be the backup plan! Are you really worth that little to be JUST a backup? Don't do it... dont let yourself get to that level. I bet it can take months to heal, but as long as you are willing to accept it, its fine. It's been 2 months since my breakup and I still have a hard time doing daily tasks too, so we're all in this together.

Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation. I've been in your situation and have said things that I didn't meant either when I was upset and irrational. But what I've learned is, you can't take it back. Once you've said it, the hurt you've done is done. I think all you can do is say your sincerest apologies and hope they know you as a person and know that you are not a person who would mean the horrible things that you said. If they know you well enough and know you are a good person, they will be hurt by what you said, but know that you didn't mean real harm. It'll just take some time to forgive and forget. Try not to think too much about it and just believe in yourself and prove to him that you aren't who he may think you are because of what you said.

Ok, time to be honest.... I'm in NC b/c I know he wanted time apart, he says he wants me to take time to gain some independence, and be a stronger person. But REALLY, I'm in NC b/c I'm hoping he'll miss me and want me back. As many people tell me he isn't good for me... they feel he didn't love me as much as I loved him.. he made excuses for the way he treated me and we would never have a future b/c his mom would always be his first priority... BUT.. I still love him for wanting me to be a better person.. he told me that "who knows what the future holds.. if we were meant to be, we will be together in time" Is he just saying those things b/c he actually means it, or because it'll be easier on me? I feel like I hang onto that hope. I know everyone tells me to let go and move on, but I dont feel I'm strong enough... I'm not... I can't do this anymore.. I dont sleep, I dont eat, I can't focus on anything but him. We mutually broke up... but really I think we all know he was the one who wanted it more. HE said it was unfair for him to want it more b/c he thinks we both shouldn't be togheter. He said our relationship has been dead for 8 months already and we shouldn't have dragged it long enough. He told me his love for me isn't there anymore .... and oh my ... that hurt so much. He tells me I should find someone who is better to me and treats me better... and I feel hes just saying all these things to make me feel better, when it makes me feel worse. He tells me, I deserve someone better and he wasn't good enough for me... WHY DOES HE DO THAT? Is that supposed to make me feel better? If anything, I feel like .... I dont even know what I can compare myself to. I know I'm too dependent and rely on ppl too much. I think I've scared away all my friends who I've cried to about this ... and they're probably sick of hearing me talk about it. They tell me he's not good for me, I end up defending him. This is vicious cycle... I dont think it'll ever end unless I move to Mars (at least there's some sort of water up there?).

I know I need to regain my independence. Thanks for everyone for responding and helping me. I do wonder though, how long are you supposed to wait? Good question Mix Master.

h_b_k_02: You mentioned that you ultimately wanted to get back with her... but out of curiosity.. how long do you wait? Do people just wait and wait and wait and then get sick of it and thats how they move on? It just seems confusing to me that you ultimately want her back, but you seem so care-free and can let her contact you, but not want to contact her back? You're really strong and am happy to hear that you are moving on. It's definitely inspirational.

I dont have many friends because I've relied on him so much, so I've just kept myself busy by reading the posts here... sometimes giving me hope that I can move on, sometimes giving me hope that we'll get back together. I am sort of in limbo now as I'm starting a new job soon but in the meantime, should be studying for some courses I am taking. I know I have to be more indepedent and develop a personality. My friends say I've lost who I am and am afraid if I keep staying with him (b/c thats what I want and am willing to give in) I wont be myself and definitely wont be happy. It's a constant struggle... when we were good, it was so happy, I was on top of the world, but when we fought, it was bad. Is it really that much better to be unhappy now? I sometimes think, at least when I was with him there were times of happiness. I guess it all doesn't really matter now since we're not together. But I really feel like a part of me is missing. I still really want him back. Am I silly for wanting this?

Yah I know deep down NC is about improving and helping myself move on. I mean the best we can do is become better people because of this experience right? (thats what everyone tells me). I know he will break it, I know he will call me because he is worried about me and worried I am not taking it well. In a weird way, part of me wants him to worry, but part of me wants him to know that I am ok and that I'm strong. He's always told me to be strong and indepednet... but I know I'm not that type of person. I dont like to be alone... but if I have to be alone, I know some people can entertain themselves, but being alone really hurts especially when I was so used to a life when he was always around, helped me make decisions.... its something I've come to depend on and now its so difficult.

Hi all, This is my first post after lurking in here on finding ways to win back my ex-bf of 2.5 years. We had our life planned out together... expected to get engaged next year, marry and start a family. I dont know how it all fell apart. I realized that everyone keeps talking about NC and how its supposed to make him want you back, but even though I want him to want me back SO BADLY, it keeps giving me false hope. What's wrong with the picture here? All the posts I've read... people seem so strong to resist NC... but how? I've been doing it for 2 days and its killing me slowly.....