NewsGirl23

well if I were you I would let her be, sometimes the hardest things to realize is that we have completely no control over how other people feel... I have been having to realize that myself lately. No matter how badly you want to make someone love you or think the way you think.. its completely impossible. If you feel the best thing that has ever happened to you is this girl then you need to let her go for a while. I know that sounds weird- but if its meant to be then she will come back and realize that yes you were a in fact making her life more pleasurable by being apart of it- I feel for ya - its a hard situation and it always sucks to be on the recieving end of something like this. I am going through the same thing kinda right now- not exactly but I am still feeling like crap.. haha. goodluck..

Well - if the break up was mutual... and you were not the one to break up with him - then i see no reason why you shouldn't call if you feel like callin just to say hi. Why not ya know? I say go for it! Goodluck.

yeah that happens to me all the time it seems like. But ya know girl, God gives us dreams and I toally believe in that. Three years ago when I met my boyfriend, I met him first in the library- We talked for a minute and then I left and forgot all about him.. but like 3 weeks later while napping on my couch- I saw him in my dream and I woke up and was like.. Hmm I just had a dream about the guy i met in the library a few weeks ago. I had forgotten his name and everything it was weird.. BUT as soon as I woke up I decided to go right then to the library just to see if he was still there.. and sure enough there he was in teh SAME exact spot! Kinda crazy huh? Ever since then we were together. amazing huh?

amen to that sister

THANKYOU FOR THE INSPIRATION!! all that you said fits perfectly into what I am trying to do right now! thankyou!

Hey sister- I am in the same posistion right now... although its been only 3 years.. hang in there.. I realized I was ok when I looked around and realized I was still breathing!! haha! Give him his space.. let him go.. thats been the hardest thing for me to do.. but i am doing it- hang in there girlfriend.

Ya know it is amazing listening to all of you "guys" tell the same story.. "my girlfriend did the same thing" "Yep it happened to me" Over an over, man, this is for real. Girls are so much more different than men. They want security, and marriage is security. I highly doubt she knows that she is pushing you away, only because I have been that girl to ask my boyfriend.. "so... I graduate here in about 6 months and I have no plans on moving to where you are in Illinois unless I have promises made to me" ya know where that got me? On a "break" its been three weeks now and he claims he is trying to figure things out in his life. If I had to do it all over again, I never would have given him that altimadum even though we have been together for three years... Let your girlfriend know exactly how you are feeling before it builds up and up and you have to go on some weird break up thing. Tell her to respect that you are not ready and to simply enjoy your relationship now... Sorry men.. us girls are crazy... but we mean well.

Well to be honest- If you havn't talked to her about this then I think you need to. I think you need to be open and honest and ask her why she is doing some of things you want to know.. the I love you.. as a friend.. or the the I like you I am going to act like it till I see someone I don't want to act like that around.. I don't.. If I were you- I would straight up ask her what she is doing with you. I don't honestly think she knows that she is toying with your emotions, she did just get out of a relationship- she did just have an abortion.. those are all huge things. She is very fragile right now. In fact I don't even know if she will know why she is acting so back and forth with you. Its a really odd situation. So I wuld ask her what is going on - and then, no I wouldn't go your separate ways but I would refrain from kissing- and being intimate with her.. build a friendship on communication and be there for her as a friend. It sounds to me that she needs one right now.

Everybody thankyou so much for all your comments. I agree with all of you. I am going to give him his time, and I already decided a while back not to say anything more about marriage. However, I even apologized for thigs that I have said and he told me to be sorry cause he has no problem when what we have already talked about. I told him last week when he called that I don't plan on sitting here and waiting for him and that I am alright right now. Yes I want to you with you I said, but know that I am not moping around waiting. I told him I have a lot going for me, I am graduating soon and I have an amazing internship this summer in chiacgo at CBS News... and I am going to go on my way and focus on me and when and if he is ever ready to turn around then so be it... if I am here when he does its because the Lord decided to not take away the feelings that I have for Matt.. if I am not here then vice versa. I let him know that. He was calling me once a week.. and I told him that does not need to do that anymore.. and he was like.. "umm ok, but I AM calling you next week." hah! I don't know.. I am giving him his space.. I am not a phsyco girlfriend, but a very respectful and have learned to be a very patient one. I am in love with him and want to give him what he needs right now. He does have a lot of new things going on right now. One question though.. when he calls next wed. Do you all think I should talk to him that night? I havn't been pickin up right away I usually let him call and then call back like an hour or something later.. but I am waonderng.. maybe I shouldn't call back at all wed night... and NOT call him back at all... why you all ask? I think maybe he will notice "wow... did i really let her go? Is she really backing away from me?" But at the same time I don't want him to think I am being rude and inconsiderate ya know? Well thankyou all once again, its so cool to have people like you all to help! Have a great weekend. I am off to work.

Well this is my first post and its nice to know that I am not the only one with heartache in the world. My situation.. its been three weeks now since my boyfriend of three wonderful years I have to say decided to tell me that he needs to take time away from our relationship. It came out of the blue. He just graduated college in December, just got a new job, a new place, all this new stuff is on his plate and well, he was never really looking forward to actually "growing up" I guess you can say. He never lived at home cause he was in college but i guess you can say he finally for real just cut strings from his parents too. Our relationship has been nothing but amazing. We have so much fun together and have so much in common, and when we are togehter its nothing short of amazing. I was just there for my spring break for a week. He took me to formally meet his new boss where my boyfriend and I actually set a time and sat down in his office and I met his boss and talked for like 45 min. He waited for me to get to his new place to help him pick out furniture... we had a wonderful week.. he took me to an amazing expensive dinner, and we had the time of our lives. Nothing ever made me feel like this was coming. When I returned back to school.. a couple days when I got back was when he told me that he was going to do.. which was taking this time away from 'us'. He told me that he doesn't feel like he is giving me 100% right now.. and only 90%. He said he needs to know he can depend on himself and live on his own.. he said he knows that I am ready to get married and he doesn;t know that yet. I graaduate in December, and he is well aware of that... But I have let him know in the last 6 months that I have no plans on following him when i graduate at the end of the year unless he can make promises to me. I thought that was really fair. I have given him his space in the last few weeks... we used to talk 3 times a day... now we don't talk at all.. he calls once a week and I havn't been calling him. He said that its almost like he is trying to set himself up for a mind game caus ehe is not going to know what I am doing, where I am at, blah blah.. so its almost like he is trying to see if he misses me I guess you can say??? I talked to him last night and he stil uses our love language over the phone, he still seems real excited to talk to me when we do talk, and I asked him how this time is going and he said he is learning things. I asked him what kind of 'revelation' he is waiting for and he was like the next step in our relationship is huge (talking abotu marriage) and he needs to know he is ready to do take that step and take that step with me.. So i was like "So you are not planning on coming back to me until you know you want to marry me?" and he said "yes". Wow right? A friend that he works with who is his partner at work is a good mutual friend of bnoth of ours. He talked to me the other day and said that he had talked to John (boyfriend) and asked him how he was doing.. He simply told him that "he was not growing away from me at all and that he can't see himself with any other girl" He has told my sister that he is sure we will be ok, and he told someone else that he doesn't see this going on much longer.. I am not even sure if i want advice, I just really felt like venting my heart tonight. I have really been praying and just giving this all to the Lord. He has given me so much strength through this whole time and I believe that He has plans for John and I. But still... as it may seem that the time John is taking is a good thing.. I am still kinda going crazy in my heart. Does that make any sense? To the guys? Is it normal to freak out before engagement and start questioning whether or not the girl you have spent the last three years with is the one? Is it normal to want to take time for yourself and play mind games with yourselves? Thanks for listening and reading to whom ever took the time to... ~NewsGirl23