sugarmomma

Thanks so much for the advice so far. I am 28 and he is 27. He didn't mention anything about sleeping with other woman other than he didn't have that need right now after all. As I mentioned he has been very sheltered by his parents. As far as being independent I think he means free to make his own decisions and free to do as he pleases. IE- hang out with his friends when he wants, play music when he wants, basically not be obligated to do anything at any given time. In our present relationship I think he feels very obligated to spend time with when he would normally be doing other things. So far he is still being extra affectionate and sort of clingy. Normally I am the clingy one. I have been trying to give him his space and prepare myself for life without him, but it's so hard. I love him more than I imagined possible and he is being so sweet it's hard for me fall back into the relationship completely. It's so easy and natural. I just don't know what to do.

Gosh I feel like I am posting a lot on here, but my situation keeps changing and I am so confused. I posted the other day because my boyfriend of almost two years was a virgin when we met. Well a few weeks ago he started making comments about sleeping with other woman. I confronted him on it and he confessed he has been curious about sleeping with other woman. I posted a thread asking advice about whether or not I should suggest swinging or if I should break up with him. I got a lot of advice warning me not to swing. So I started another conversation with him, suggesting maybe we take a break, so that he can experience being single. He seemed relived when I suggested breaking up and he admitted he had been thinking about breaking up, but not so much to sleep with other people, more so he could be free and independent. He said that he didn't want to hurt me though. He has been sheltered by his parents his whole life (he's Indian) and has never really been on his own. I asked him if he thought we would eventually get back together if we took a break, and he said he was sure. It would depend on whether or not his freedom and independence was worth losing me and that he wouldn't know until he experienced it. We have taken small breaks before and he was always miserable without me. Normally I would suck it up and agree to the break, hoping for the best. But there's a catch of course. Last month I was diagnosed with MS. It has been very traumatic and I have relied on my boyfriend a lot. Usually I am very independent, but since I was diagnosed my emotional state is very fragile. So while we were talking about taking a break I started to cry and I explained what a horrible time this is for me to go through a very painful break up. Today, actually I start my first round of medicine. I have to inject it every other day and it suppose to make me very sick for the first few months. I guess I sort of laid a guilt trip on him, but then once I realized what I was doing I stopped and assured him I would be alright. I also explained that I couldn't be his friend for a very long time. That talking to him would be too hard and I need a long time of no contact and finally I told him what a shame it was because he probably wouldn't realize what he had until it was too late and I had moved on. He started to panic a little and then he started to cry saying how he couldn't let me go. He asked me not to break up with him and said he was scared of losing me. He said that he couldn't imagine living without me and that he could indeed be independent with me. At first I wouldn't agree to stay together. I accused him of only saying these things because I quilted about the MS. I told him I refused to live a lie, I also told him that the need for him to be independent wouldn't disappear and we were just delaying the break up. But after much pleading from him, I agreed to stay together because honestly I don't think I have the strength to break up right now. I told him to give me a few months, and then I would be strong enough. He again assured me it had nothing to with the MS , that he realized through almost losing me how much he loved me, and that maybe we would be together forever. He said we should celebrate because we realized how much we love and need each other. Then he started to cry because he said he was afraid I didn't believe him. I assured him that I believed him, because he had never lied to me before, even at the expense of sparing my feelings. Then he also said he was afraid now that he had ruined things, again I assured him that he hadn't ruined anything and that I completely understand. Everything he feels in natural. Which is true. Since then he has been extra sweet and affectionate. Calling me all the time. Holding me so tight he cuts off my circulation whenever I see him. Endlessly telling me how much he loves and misses me. However I am heart broken. I can't get over knowing that deep down inside he wants to be free and sleep with other woman. I know that those feelings are never going to go away and I really do believe that most of the reason he decided to stay is because of my MS. I can't stop crying and all I want to do is sleep. I have been hiding every thing from him and putting on a brave face and acting like nothing has changed, but I feel myself emotional with drawling away from him. And I know he can sense it. I know that I shouldn't delay our break up and I really feel like I should just suck it up and set him free, but I really don't think I have the strength to do it right now. Am I being selfish? Should I just force myself to break up now before we fall into old patterns and it's too hard? I feel like I am not being fair to him by staying together. And I can't seem to let go of what he has already told me. I am afraid that now I am going to try and sabotage the relationship because I am so hurt and that will be worse in the long run. But there is also a tiny piece of me that still has hope in our relationship, we have overcome much worse. Any advice is appreciated.

I’ve written on here before and I always appreciate any advice given. I’ve had a very difficult relationship with my boyfriend of a year a half. We’ve faced and over come many challenges together. I know that he loves me more than anything. He bends over backwards to be a good boyfriend and make me happy. We have huge cultural differences, and his parents had a very hard time accepting our relationship, but I think they are finally starting to accept it. So when I met my boyfriend not only had he never had a girlfriend before but he was also a virgin. He was 26 when we first started dating. Over the year and half the fact that he had never slept with anyone else became a huge insecurity for me. He is an extremely sexual person. And even though we have a VERY fulfilling sex life, recently he started makes comments about sleeping with other woman. They were supposedly “jokes” but they weren’t very funny. After about the fifth joke in a week I confronted him about it and he admitted that he has been thinking about sleeping with other woman. He is always very honest with me. I asked him if he wanted to break up so he could date around and after a long pause he said no that he “couldn’t stand to be away from me”. I asked him if he was interested in dating other woman and he said no, he couldn’t imagine dating other people he just wanted to “sleep” with other woman. I asked him if we got married, could he imagine only sleeping with one woman his whole life and he said he didn’t know. Then he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore because he didn’t know how he felt about it all. And we ended the conversation. Now I always knew that this may be a problem and I don’t blame him at all. I always sort of imagined that years into our relationship when it was strong enough, that we would become swingers. But now I am wondering of that is the best idea. I wonder if maybe he just needs to be single for a while so that he can pick and choose who he’d like to sleep with without any restrictions from me. The thought of being apart from him breaks my heart and the idea that he would fall in love with someone else terrifies me, but I wonder if that is the only way to get this out of his system. The other idea is to allow him to sleep with other woman now (swinging or threesomes) but I wouldn’t want to do that forever, maybe just four or five times. And I have a feeling once we started it; it would be too difficult to stop it after four or five times. The idea of him just “sleeping “with other woman doesn’t really bother me. So, it seems silly to break up our entire relationship and put us both through so much pain if all he wants to do is sleep with other woman to experience it. So I am at a loss.. any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Okay, I have a very complicated relationship. I have been dating a really wonderful man for a little over a year. I am 28, he is 27. He is American born but his parents are from India. Even though my boyfriend is very handsome , smart , and seriously funny, he is also very shy. So needless to say he has never really been a ladies man. I am in fact his first girlfriend as well as his first lover. He spent a majority of his prime dating years, lusting over his very attractive female best friend, who apparently lead him on. He is also very picky. When he and I met , neither us of thought our relationship would turn serious. But we have an intense connection which has turned into a very deep and sincere love. First, we had to overcome his family. They are intent on him marrying an Indian girl and have tried everything they can to break us up. But we stuck it out and I think they are SLOWLY starting to accept things. Now the problem is with his family out of the way, things are staring to turn serious. I am staring to entertain the idea of one day marrying him and I know he thinks about us getting married as well. but I can't help to think that since he never dated nor slept with anyone else , to eventually marry him or even become more serious is a huge mistake. I have fears that he will always wonder what he is missing out on. He assures me that he doesn't worry about what he is missing out on and loves me completely. To make matter worse I sometimes wonder how attracted he is to me . It seems that he is very attracted to strippers and Victoria secrets type models. Although think i am very pretty (not to sound conceited) , I am seriously not a model type. I am 5'3" and 140lbs. In the beginning of our relationship he told me he wasn't as attracted to me as he had been to other girls in the past. Now he says that he just said that as an excuse to slow things down, bcause he was scared in the beginning and that he thinks I am beautiful from head to toe. I was 20lbs heavier when we first started dating and even though I have lost some weight and he assures me how attracted he is to me now, I can't stop feeling insecure. Normally I am extremely secure and confident in my relationships. But with all of these circumstances I find myself allowing all these insecurities to get in the way of our relationship. I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. He is very thoughtful and affectionate. He obviously loves me a lot to stand up to his family for me and he has made a lot of scarifies in general to keep our relationship going. He makes me happier than I've ever dreamed it was possible to be. I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else but to be honest I just feel as though fate is against us. Do you think I am wasting my time here?

I am not sure if this is the correct forum but it seems like the best option. I will try to keep it as brief as possible but there is a lot to explain. I know sometimes too much info get a bit boring to read. However, I really would appreciate some feedback because I am sure my friends are tired of hearing about my relationship drama. Okay here goes. About seven months ago I met a boy on a friends networking site. At first glance we didn't appear to have much in common. However as time went on we discovered we had a lot in common. We have the same birthday , similar spiritual beliefs, and a similar sense of humor. So we started corresponding a lot. He flirted , however I wasn't really interesting in using the site for dating, so I never really flirted back. He ended up inviting me to his birthday party. Which I went to , hoping to make some new friends. As soon as I met him in person there was definite chemistry between us but I ignored it. We started talking on the phone a lot. Through our conversations it came out that he was a virgin whom had never had a girlfriend. Now, normally that would have weirder me out, after all he is twenty six years old. But he is also Indian ( his parents are from India ) and has been raised a lot different then everyone else. Plus, he was so honest and open about everything, that I just accepted it with no problem. Finally we agreed to go on a date. On our first date , we almost slept together. The chemistry between us was so over whelming. But I wanted him to be sure he was ready , so we stayed up all night talking instead. About a week later we finally ended up having sex. It was very romantic. Aside from a strong physical , there was also an amazing emotional connection. We became best friends as well as lovers. Things were great. However about a month into things, he started getting weird. We would spend weekends together , which were beautiful but then he would go home and become distant. He still lives at home with his parents , which is the Indian custom. Indian men generally live at home until they marry. Well I started getting tired of it, so I confronted him. He confessed that he was confused and didn't think we should date anymore. I said fine, and told him I couldn't be friends with him for a while and stopped all communication with him. However he kept trying to contact me. I ignored his attempts at first, but I missed him greatly and was miserable without him in my life. So eventually I gave in and told him we could be friends again , but only if he really let me into his life. He happily agreed and put forward a lot of energy into opening up to me. But then he started flirting with me again. He kept saying what a fool he was to ever stop dating me. So we ended up dating again. And again things were good for about a month. But then I noticed him becoming distant again. Only this time I realized that it was because his parents were putting a lot of pressure on him to stop dating me. They don't think I am good enough for him. I am not Indian. I am only working on my AA, so I am not educated enough. I don't come from a good enough family. The list is endless. It turns out that whenever he returned home from spending time with me, they lectured him for hours about how he was ruining his life. He tired to balance the demands I placed on him, with those of his family, but it was making him miserable in the process. We talked about not seeing each other anymore, but at the same time we realized that we had fallen deeply in love. So we went the other way and became boyfriend and girlfriend. Our relationship was great. We helped each other experience new things, we communicated great, we had a wonderful time together, we never fought. He told me I was the love of his life and the type of girlfriend he always dreamed of. We met each other's friends and had an extremely fulfilling sex life. I tried to get close to his family, but they continued to keep me at arms length. Finally a month after we committed to each other, he started to close up on me again. When I confronted him, he explained he couldn't give me what I wanted. He couldn't turn his back on his family in order to continue our relationship. He told me I deserved better than what he could give me, and he that he needed space. So we broke up. I was devastated. I had never experienced a love so complete. I was convinced we were soul mates. But what could I do. The next day however he called me non-stop saying that he had made a terrible mistake. He explained that he had freaked out due to the fact he realized that I was his soul mate and he could spend the rest of his life with me. He begged for me back. I agreed as long as he moved out of his parents house and gave us a real chance. He agreed. However a few days later I got an email explaining that he was too unsure of his emotions. That he needed to figure out who he was without anyone else influencing him and that he wasn't ready to move out and he decided he needed to "let me go". That lead to the next several weeks of us talking, trying to work things out, realizing we couldn't, trying to be friends, realizing we couldn't, trying not to talk to each other, realizing we couldn't. Finally I decided to just go with the flow. We started spending time together and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend again. We went on dates, acted affectionate in public, made love and snuggled. Never discussing what we were. We had the best week of our whole relationship. Then one night I asked him if he still loved me. He said he didn't know what love was. That was my breaking point. I realized I was compromising to much of myself. So I withdrew. I stopped calling him. I stopped trying to see him. I acted cold towards him. He continued to act as though we were still dating. He would send me emails telling me how beautiful I was, call me throughout my day,and constantly tell me he missed me.. I found myself starting to get over him a little. I stopped focusing on him and started actually getting excited when I talked to other guys. He finally sent me an email yesterday asking me to be his Valentine. I reluctantly agreed ( I am still in love with him) but I also gave him a sarcastic response asking why. He said that after the beautiful week we had he couldn't not ask, then he also asked me to hang out the Saturday before Valentines. I declined explaining I was really busy, I also said that one great week doesn't make the obstacles between us disappear. He wrote back saying he understood and to never mind the weekend plans. Since then we have been back to our normal selves. Flirting, talking, sharing. It makes me realize how much I truly love him and it is obvious he loves me, but I don't know where to go from here or how to get past our problems. There are a ton of other guys whom want to date me, they make it very obvious even in front of him. But no one compares to him. However, I am also very aware that he is really emotionally damaged and totally confused about what he wants. Not only do we have the obstacles of his parents, that fact he has never had a relationship before, or other lovers, we also have the problem that is he total confused about what he wants. I love him. I want a normal healthy relationship with him. I want the possibility of marriage and a family one day. But I don't see any of this as possible. However we are soul mates and the thought of being apart is more than either one of us can bare.. So where do you suggest we go from here? Any feedback is welcomed.