GaveTooMuch

I'm so glad I found this site during this really tough time in my life. I think I've found the exact same situation my ex-girlfriend is in. It still doesn't make senseto me why or how it happens, but it just does. I remember on our last encounter she was really hurt and that she still did care for me, but leaving was just something that she needed to do. I I remember her saying " I know you really tried and how much you love me, but it's just something I need to do to know if we can be, there's nothing you can really fix because nothing is broken." Reading this post really scared me but at the same time gave me some relief. I can't imagine if she never decided to do anything and just kept kept quiet because she feels guilty and that she owes it to me. What if we actually got married and for years she is harboring feelings of unhappiness and she starts to resent me , or even worse.... cheats on me? It's bad enough that it's been three years and we're just BF/GF...... but the thought of what if she was my wife, for even more years, then it finally comes out. So much time wasted... so many years living a lie.... so many years of unhappiness.... while in the end it's still inevitable. I feel a little lucky things didn't get any further than they did if she feels this way, and also helps me make sense of the whole ordeal. I will get over it, and maybe now she can be happy..... after all, her happiness was always a main concern of mine. Maybe now I can move on and work on my own happiness. Thank you everybody who has given input and thanks for this site for being around!! Here is the link to the thread that made me realize all this: link removed

Thanks very much for your input Belle. I thought about what you said also about being too nice and letting her have her way too much and things becoming bland. It's just that I'm at the point in my life that I don't want to play the cat and mouse game. If I love someone I treat them exactly how I want them to treat me. I'm not sure which one is right but that's just what I did. I also think of myself as a good person and that I should save my heart for someone else who will want and appreciate it. I'm just so scared by this relationship because I always thought she truly loved until she out of no where needed space. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but I honestly don't think it's for someone else. I think she just wants to have fun, but in the process, another person is inevitable. I just wish their was a quick way to get over her with out being with someone else because at this point that is not what I want. Also because I don't think I can handle hearing she's with someone else soon. I need to get over her fast so I can save some dignity and not care that she has forgotten us and moved on and I'm still hung up over her.

Thank you, I totally agree. I don't plan on waiting for her. I think I've realized that eventhough in the little time we've been apart she is not the same person that I fell in love with. She seems to have changed so much in such little time. I doubting if she even loved me those past years or was just using me as support through her rough times. I know she is very thankful for what I have done for her but somewhere along the time she realized that she doesn't care for me the way she thought she did. Is it really possible to love someone like she said she did and still be able to hurt them they way she did, or was she just staying because that was her way of saying thanks for being there for me and all that you've done, but I no longer need you and need to move on with my life. I know it really sucks but that's probably what it is. Now I'm stuck with the burden of a broken heart which feels like a terrible illness and she's not there for me. I don't know what to make of it all, I wanna try to keep a positive view of the whole thing but it just gives me false hope, but on the other hand I don't want to hate her in the process because we did share some special times. I totally messed up this morning. After only 3 days of NC and I was feeling kinda better. I couldn't help myself and checked out one of her internet pages and saw how her friends were all asking her to go out now that's she's single... and she seems all estatic and ready to go paint the town red. She seems like none of this has effected her at all and that a burden has been lifted off her shoulders from what I read on there. I know I shouldn't care but it's rough. I can totally see now how essential NC really is in my process of healing. I need to get to the point where nothing she does affects me anymore. I need to save what little dignity I have left to know that I am better than that and that I deserve better than her for eveything I have given and done for her. She's the one who should be hurting since she's the one who let go of someone who loved her so much and would do anything for her. I need to learn to stop living for someone else and start living for myself.

Why not just keep it simple at first and just stick it in her butt? Dressing up, role playing, bondage, ..... what do you consider different?

I like it completely shaved, I just love seeing the whole thing and no hair getting in the way.

whoa tha is pretty strange. Even that other poster who said is was a guy who doesn't really like to have sex. I guess I'm just like all the other guys out there, I just love it. Especially in a relationship, the connection and closeness you feel during sex with someone you really care about is amazing. Even the kind of sex you have just when you want to get off isn't too shabby either There's got to be another reason. How was your sex life in the beginning, were you two ever goingat it like crazy before in the beginning or has it always been like this. I guess if he's always been like this then maaaaaaaybe it's just normal.... for him at least.

You did the right thing don't think twice about it. Coming from a guy who's friends with a lot of cheaters, he might feel sorry but he's more sorry that he got caught. You can't let it go because will be giving out the sign that it was okay, she'll forgive me again next time. You LD, you can't always keep close track on what he does. It's easy for him to cheat and you not know about, as he has already shown... what makes you honestly believe he won't do it again? find someone else who will care for you, if he did he wouldn't cheat no matter what.

Thanks all for replying! Well i guess I'll find out soon if it was because of someone else, I sure hope not because I would be even worse than i am now if that's possible. Hopefully she is doing she she said she is and stepping back to take time out to find herself and what she wants. It's just so scary to think that someone can love you for 3 years and have no problems, then one just decide they don't anymore. Makes me scared to even think about another relationship because I don't even know what to look out for so this doesn't happen again.

This is kinda odd for me, but I think I'm going to give it a try to help this pain go away. I know this is very long and I'd really appreciat it if someone just has some extra time on their hands and can read it and give me some insight on how to let it go and get over it. Thanks! I was with my ex-girlfriend for three years. When we met she was 20 and I was 25. I always thought that was kinda big gap but it always seemed like it worked and not that big of a deal. We had some problems in the beginning because I had a lingering ex when i met her but we overcam that and she knew I had picked her over the ex. We were doing good until a year later in the relationship she was diagnosed with CML Leukemia. We were devesatated but I was always there for her throughout the whole ordeal. Things weren't always easy since she was going through she much and on so many medications, she was always tired and very grumpy. I was always patient with her and tried not to argue with her since I knew that wasn't how she normally was. Fast forward to a year and half later, she is doing well and has pretty much recovered from her cancer. We're doing well, we're hanging out like before. The only hard time I gave her was not having sex that much, but I quickly overcame that since it was not her fault for the loss of sexual desire. We would hangout and everything was great that was enough. Although I think she kinda got use to me letting her have her way when she was sick because sometimes she just be grumpy for little reasons and make big deal out of nothing. I would always calmly try to defuse the situation and just let her have her way to avoid arguments. I supported her finanacially since she wasn't working and disability checks weren't that much. As she was getting better she decided to go to a big cosmotology to become a hair stylist. She has always loved fashion and is very stylish, loves make-up and all that stuff. At first she was kinda scared but I pushed her knowing that she would like it. Sure enough as she started she loved it. She made new friends who were funky, and stylish like her. They started hanging out and having a blast. Time we had together was getting less and less. We still had time for each other and kept in contact by talking at least once to each other everyday. Even as her friends were becoming single, she would tell me we would never do that since I'm so great to her and we never had any problems. Then last month she had a little fit over something minor, and just as a feeler I asked "why are you so grumpy, and mean all the time, do you need sometime alone or something?" At first she was like where'd did you get that idea from? Just as I was about to release a sigh of relief, she said "you know what, actually I think that is what I need to do!" At first she said that it was a trial seperation as she doesn't know if she wants to be in a committed relationship. Also since we've been together fo r so long, the only thing to happen is marriage, which she is not ready for. She needs to taek time out to figure out what she wants to do with her life and if being with me for the rest of her life and marrying me is something she wants to do and would be happy in doing so. Even though marriage isn't even something I ever brought up. She was the only who would ever say what it would be like and what we'd name our kids and such. We still talked and I'd see her maybe once a week or so. I saw her briefly for a movie on christmas, we spent new years together. Then last week she caught a cold and was sick in bed all week. We didn't really talk and didn't see each other at all. Last saturday she tells that during last week when she was sick and we were distant, she had a lot of time to think. She felt as if she wasn't doing what she set out to do and that was to be independent, and figure out what she has to do. She can't figure out what she wants and what to do if I'm still lingering around and she needs to worry about still making time to call me or see me. She felt that we should end contact. I'm am shocked and crushed. I spke to her face to face on tuesday and made my last plea for her to think about us and trying to make it work. She declined, she has made up her mind that this is what she wants. I just wanted to know that I gave it everything I had and I just didn't let her walk away. She told me to just give her time and there's nothing for me to try and fix because nothing is broken. If we were meant to be, we'll end up back together. She appreciates everything I have always done for her and sadden by how she is hurting me becaus eshe knows how much I love her. She even said she would kill herself if she decided to come back but I wasn't around anymore. So I think she knows that she might be making a big mistake. What I don't understand is why is she so willing to lose me, if she too cared for me and thinking it might be a mistake? I understand how she's young and given a second chance at life after her cancer and made new friends and wants to live life for what it's worth. Is there no other way, why is it that it has to cost us our relationship? I've let her go since I've tried, but I know she wants to go. I try to take comfort in knowing that I have always loved with all my heart and done anything and everything to make her happy. I have given everything I could for her but still she doesn't want to be with me, there's nothing more I can do about it. It kills me that I've done so much for her and things were going great, then out of no where she doesn't want me anymore. why did it it have to take so long, why did she let me love for so muc for for so long if she would in the end leave for no reason? I've been killing myself thinking about what I could have done differently and blaming myself for not doing enough. Things like not keping the relationship exciting and new to keep her intersted. My friend told me that I have always shown that I loved her tremendously, and put up with everything from her and what happened to her, I have shown her support, and have always put her first, if she doesn't appreciate that and leaves me... I should ask myself who's the one really losing anything at this moment. She'll soon realize how bad she messed up, but the damage has been done, it can't ever be the same if even if she decides to come back.