Manda2113

well guys, its over for me..the waiting, hoping, all of it...it's done. he finally decided he doesnt want to be in a relationship w/ me, and that's it...we wont talk again, wont be friends, we are out of each other's lives for good (i have erased his number from my cell phone, and he will never call me). i prayed and prayed, and it didnt happen, so it must not have been "meant to be." it hurts like hell, all this leading on, and me following along, so its time to focus on myself, and get my emotional state back on track. thank you for everyone's help, i truly wish all of you the best of luck. although its hard to listen to others advice, i really believe after this whole thing that a girl shouldnt have to persue a guy. if two ppl really love each other and want to be in a relationship, it will happen...if you have to work so hard on making it happen, obviously someone isnt there 100 percent, and thats not fair to you. please, dont let someone hurt you...if someone is being a jerk to you, dont go along and end up being a jerk to yourself too...realize that at some point, "enough is enough."

just to modify my last post...i am not seeing him tonight after all...he texted me a lame excuse. i dont understand myself...the more and more he hurts me, the more i ask myself why do i still love this man?

thanks guys...i really need encouraging stories like those at times like these! here's the weird thing satch, he broke up w/ me, and instead of missing me when i give him space, he misses me when we talk, etc. (so much for the "girls are the natural choosers" in this case..)...well, i mite be seeing the ex tonite...wish me luck!!

a lot of you have brought up the question, "do i want him back just to have that feeling back, or just for the satisfaction of 'getting him back'"...i think i honestly love this guy...we were very comfortable around each other (reference: farting...lol mamamaria). its funny, how one person can feel so strongly for someone...it just seems natural that the other person should feel that way too, but obviously that isnt always the case huh? lol

I'm having one of those "down moods"...been 6 weeks, and I've been gradually feeling better (usually when I'm busy...I hate slowing down, like right before bed)...anyhow, just been wonderin....how many of you that have posted here have successfully gotten back together w/ your ex? How long were you broken up for? And, how many ppl have you had relationships w/ that you wanted to marry?

no its not too late...im here b/c i WANT to break the NC, but i know i shouldnt! sorry, but i dont think i can wait a week or two...in fact, we spoke about getting together sometime next week again...so i will eventually need to contact him about that. its just so hard b/c we had started talking again...what a tease.

so its been almost 2 days of NC...do i dare to text him? or wait more?

how have u guys gotten through NC...like wat do u do when you want to contact them? what gets ur mind off it? this is soo tempting since we were finally starting to talk alot...maybe he's just busy since he's at work..and it wasnt something like a question that he HAD to respond to...well im still gunna do NC...if anyone has any good tips to help survive NC lemme know!

My boyfriend and I have been split for 5 weeks now. We had 2 weeks of absolute NC, then we slowly started talking again...we went out on tues, and wed and thurs texted each other back and forth the whole day. Well, I'm thinking I might have got a little too excited...I'm scared he's backing off...can I re-start NC for a couple days now? Is it too late? And how do you know if your ex wants to get back w/ u? One minute he was saying things that made me think he did, but he still seems VERY cautious, as he didnt return my text today. Time for me to lay off I think....any tips/advice? THANKS!

maybe u all will remember my previous post...my bf and i broke up and after 2 weeks of NC, we met up and I gave him a letter b/c i want to get back together...after 5 days, he called me and told me at first that it wouldnt work..but then the more we talked, the more he contradicted that decision- saying he misses me and wishes he could see me...so i asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said no...that he really didnt know what he wanted, and how the feelings were still there for me. after that, we texted a bit, then 2 days later, i asked him if he wanted to get together, and he agreed. we went to a shopping district w/ a pond, got a bite to eat, walked around...then i asked if we should go back to his house and watch tv...he said no b/c he didnt want to do something that would put us in an akward situation, or something that he wants now, but in the morning might regret...and he didnt want to hurt me. i took that as a pretty bad sign...but later he started telling me how im so sweet, such a nice girl, how good i look, how bad he wants to do stuff and he really has to hold back, etc etc. of course, our situation came up too: he says the two things holding him back are 1. he got out of a 3 yr relationship before me not too long ago and has really neglected himself 2. there's an age difference between us...as i am in college, and he's out working...anyhow, when we got to my car, he asked for a hug, and it was so long, and close, and we both were practically shaking...he tried to kiss me, but i stopped him...so i got in my car, but then i got back out and kissed him. i joked around that he should drive safe b/c there were a lot of police out that night (he's a cop)...10 mins later he called laughing that he got pulled over!! then around 1:30, he texted me saying 'thanks for a good night'...he never does that. this guy is so back and forth...what am i supposed to think? do i text him today (i mean, i have a good excuse since he texted me this morning...) any advice is GREATLY appreciated.

HE CALLED LAST NIGHT!! (thats 5 days i waited!!) so i guess ur wondering if it was good or bad...well so am i lol. at first it wasnt going too well, he told me that he didnt think it could work out etc...but then we started talking more and more, and he started sounding more and more like he really didnt feel like it couldnt work out...so i asked him if he was sure that this was what he wanted, and he just kinda whispered, ' i dont know. ' so then he told me how much he misses me and wishes he could see me, and how the feelings are all still there...but then the next min he'd say that while i wait i should try to move on, and well he was just all over the place. it sounded like his 3 main setbacks as to getting back together are: 1. his past 3 yr relationship 2. his job (he said he has these dreams where he's being shot and really thinks something mite happen to him, and he doesnt want me to have to go through that...iunno if thats him being dramatic or a lame excuse lol) 3. inconvenience/my parents (who arent thrilled w/ him now as they see how he's broken my heart, and never cared for me dating a cop to begin w/) but we talked for like an hour just joking and catching up...it felt so good, and i could tell he thought the same thing....wat is this boy thinking? why is he holding back?? he seems like he really wants us to work, but almost forcing himself to make a different decision. anyhow, do you think i should text him while i wait again? i did last time, and it seemed to work out alright...didnt push him away as i see it, besides he's kinda ADD...maybe he needs some texts to remind him and focus him on making a decision! o and also, i told him that evertime he makes me wait, it hurts me more, so while he's making up his mind, he should keep how im feeling in mind...and he told me he really didnt mean to hurt me and he's sorry. ok well...let me know waht you can gather from all this mumble jumble lol

hmm...he didnt call last night, i was assuming he would...he was off yesterday, so he had the whole day to think about it! i guess im REALLY assuming he'll call tonight then (today is his last day off before he goes back to work for the weekend). do you think its a bad sign i didnt get a call last night?

dont feel bad...my boyfriend and i also planned on getting engaged and spending the rest of our lives together...after our breakup, there was NO EFFORT on his part to contact me...a month after our breakup, and 2 weeks of absolute NC, I texted him a few times, and called a few times...rarely did he respond to my texts, we'd talk, he'd get busy and say he'd call me back...and then wouldnt...but i didnt give up...we finally met up the other night, and i think it went fairly well. granted, i wasnt considered controlling... and im beginning to think he's the exception to the NC rule (ie. it works better on him to see that i really care, am trying to make things work, etc.) i really dont think there's a "right" way to go about things...do what you feel is right. when everyone told me not to contact him, i did anyways, and you know what? i think that was best for my situation.

you need to decide how important these issues are to you--if you dont think you can have a successful relationship w/o things changing then i think you really need to tell her exactly what isnt working...if you need to, print out your post...the only way things are going to work out for you two is if you address the issues...especially now- before you go off to college (im assuming you two are going to try to stay together?) at the same time, the things you mentioned are relatively small...do they matter all that much to you? can you see past them for the better of the relationship? as ideal as it is, i dont think relationships are always in balance...someone might have the upper hand from time to time...

thanx foranother for keepin up w/ me...it is appreciated! ill letcha know when he calls!

have u guys tried relationship counseling?...just a thought...

hey thanks for your advice, however...i got it a little too late...he decided that he wanted to meet up...so we met last night...it was SO GOOD to see him...he was wearing these DORKY shorts, and on anyone else they'd be such a turnoff- but on him, they were absolutely adorable... ANYHOW, i was just planning on chatting and catching up, then giving him the letter to read at home...that way our meeting would be light and pleasant lol...so, after a little chit chat, he brought stuff up, and wanted to read the letter then and there...so he did, and after responded, "that came from the heart...i dont know what to say"....so i told him he should just sleep on and give it some thought...he didnt need to say anything right away... but before he left, i said, "hey i dont want to push it, like i dont need a response to the letter or anything, but do u know what you're thinking or feeling at all?" and he just said he was really tired and not thinking straight, and didnt know...his famous last words these days. well, i know that what ive done is all i can do...if its not good enough, its just not good enough...ive been doing a lot of praying b/c i know its out of my hands now. just waiting for that call....

ive sent him two messages- one saying i re wrote the letter, the second one being more blunt (ie i need ur address)...i havent heard back so i think during my lunch break im going to call and lay it all down...ill either read him the letter on the phone or ask to meet tonight. i feel like he is playing mind games w/ me...saying he cares and wants to hear me out and read my letter, but then not following through w/ his address...at a certain point, and i think im just about there i guess you have to wake up and smell the roses and say, 'enough is enough.' i wanted to be pacient and wait, but its been a month...and i just cant take the pain anymore...am i being selffish or is it ok to call him today and put everything out on the table?

funny how you can analyze one little gesture...and how many different ways it can be seen by ur ex...most of us on here have prob been through the same thing! i know there are a lot "tried and true rules" like NC, and whatnot...but personally, i think you shouldnt play games...and besides, you're going to exhaust yourself emotionally in the process if you do (ie "should i? shouldnt i? what will she think? will it make her want me back?") doing something will probably make YOU feel better...instead of sitting around wondering if you should do it or not...and if she really loves you and wants you back, dont you think it would work?

i forgot to add something i think is important (its so hard to pick and choose important details!) during our first, bad phone conversation after our break up, he told me that if i hadnt agreed w/ him and called our break up mutual, we'd prob still be together.

My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and broke up about a month ago. I'm 18 going off to college, and he is a 23-year-old police officer. Although there was an obvious age difference, both of our parents were ok w/ it, and we are very similar in many ways. My boyfriend had a 3 yr relationship before ours in which he was about to marry the girl, she hurt him many times, and they broke up...he has been very hurt by this experience. Anyhow, about 5 months into our relationship, we began to argue...about little stupid things...we were both going through some stressful times and I think my insecurities also played a role in these arguments. During the duration of our relationship I did 3 stupid things that caused most of our arguments: 1. went out w/ a guy friend to the movies (totally innocent, i swear!) 2. got mad at him for cancelling our plans after he got in a car accident (although on the phone he made it out to be 'no big deal') 3. questioned him when he told me he loved me, b/c he said it for the first time while we were having sex So, w/ that, we had a talk and acknowledged that things were shaky but we wanted to work things out...after this talk we went on two more dates that went very well...things were looking up for us. However, on our second date, I confused seeing 'the movie' with my boyfriend and not my guy friend...in front of a friend of mine. That was the final straw and he broke up w/ me...and while he was breaking up, i told him i agreed and it was mutual (it wasnt, i was just FREAKING out). After that, i called him the next day and poured my heart out on his answering machine...he texted me the next day saying, "thanks for the kind words, but it cannot be right now." I waited a week and called him...the conversation went horrible...we argued b/c he had no clue how he felt or why we broke up and i wanted answers. the next day i wrote him a very personal, honest letter. I didnt hear from him in two weeks so I sent him a text asking if he'd gotten a chance to think about my letter...and he called me saying he never got it!! at this point, we talked a bit on the phone, he still sounded pretty confused, but told me he still cared for me and wanted to read the letter, and asked me to send it again...i told him i needed his address, and he told me he would text it to me later on. he never did, so the next night, i texted him saying that id been thinking about him alot since we last talked and rewrote the letter for him. so thats where things stand. at this point, after all the emotional stress ive gone through, im beginning to doubt everything...i want to get back together, but at what cost? i know i was in the wrong, but at the same time, if he loves me, and wants to get back together, wouldnt he be making more of an attempt? i dont know what to think...after a month of emotional strain, i dont even think that im thinking properly anymore!