the_Monk

Hey everyone, I just wanted to give an update on where i stand..Well, folks, it seems that its over now for good. I've basically given up hope and have decided that i won't and can't kill myself over this anymore. Anyone that puts me through this much pain cannot be worth it. You probably all know about the really positive email i had received from her, well, i replied but i was very distant and somewhat cold, i felt bad and a few days later i emailed her again to a) let her know i wouldn't be calling at the terrible hours she suggested (2:30am). I also told her that i did want to talk and told her what days i was available and what times, etc. Basically, I gave her such a wide open time frame that really there was no way she could have been busy during all those times. I also said that i missed her and i signed it love *****. Her response was very distant and cold. She never even acknowledged that i said i missed her. She told me that she was busy all the days that i mentioned, or she didn't know what time she was working on those days. She then asked me if an invitation had arrived for her friends wedding, she signed it with just her name, and that was it. In no so many words, she basically told me to 'F**k off' Needless to say, i wont be putting in anymore effort and i'm moving on, trying to meet new people and see where this twisted story takes me. I'll always love her and i'll probably always miss her, but, do you guys agree that its time to let go n move on?

Rich46 You know something man, i can honestly and truly say that if my ex and i get back together, this will have been for the better. I lost my way while i was with her, i didn't know what i had, and i truly needed this in order to take her seriously and really, honestly look at my flaws and address them. I feel that this will probably bring us much closer in the long run, i also believe that i'll be able to give her what she wanted, sure it's hurt like hell, but if it makes us stronger, isn't it worth it? I mean, this is an optimistic post, god only knows, we might never get back together, i really don't know...

Excellent question. I am in the same boat. We never really discussed much. In my instance, i was controlling and possesive so its probably best that we had no rules at all, just be free. You'll know in your heart whats right and whats not. I did ask her if we could not sleep with others for the first month to be sure it was what we truly wanted, i honestly wish i hadn't. Due to our problems, she might have perceived it as me trying to control her and wanted to do it that much more...i suggest just letting eachother be free and do what your heart says...

rnorth, Well, i was well on my way to getting over it. I had accepted (after the 2 week span of NC) that it was done and time to move on, then i got this email which really pulled me right back in. These last couple of days have been hard on me, to be honest, i think it has to do with some meds i am on which have a side effect of depression and one of my friends who really put some bad thoughts in my mind. I should be positive about the email and forget about the crap i've kinda pieced together from hearsay. I have absolutly no proof that she went away with a guy, I also have no proof that what my dad saw was a date.

I would suggest holding off for a bit. She seems to be holding on but not pulling you back in far enough. I think what you want to say is completely normal, i haven't reached that point yet, but the thought is already coming into my head....DON'T do it. Its something that needs to be done in person. I, if you can, contact her and ask to go for a coffee and find out what she is feeling, you'll know so much more and have that much more firepower. You'll also know exactly where she needs reassurance. Then, go NC for a little bit and see if she contacts you, if so, then you can tell her what is on your mind. This is just my two cents, i'm not against sharing your feelings with her, i would, however, suggest being wise about it and not doing it through a letter which can be interpretted in so many ways, some of which you may not want.

I agree with rnorth, if he wants time and space the only thing that will get him past it is to give it to him, you can learn from my situation link removed I tried to work around her requests for a break and it ended up doing nothing more than pushing her out the door. She moved out due to my inability to give her space. I suggest going at least 2-3 Weeks of solid NC. let him come to you, this is essential if you want to work things out. They, on their own will, need to come back, otherwise it will never be 'real' and they'll eventually leave again. Good luck, its hard as hell, but if you really love him, you'll do what you have to do to make him happy.

Well, today is a new day and I am feeling a little better about things, at least, to an extent. I'd like to recap on what I KNOW and get your advice on things and what my next step should be. - 2 months ago, GF told me she needed space and wanted a break. 3 days later she tells me that she was offered a position to open a new restaurant in another province and she would be gone for a month. The 'trip' fell through and we didn't get that break. - few weeks pass and she tells me that she wants a break. I am devestated and i beg her to reconsider, she says she'll stay at the house but can't promise anything. The break isn't much, basically the same as before, just no sex. - a month passes and she comes home one night and tells me its not working, we're over and she wants to break up. I beg her to stay and i offer to stay in the spare bedroom. We do this for a few weeks, then i meet a girl at a club and her n i start hanging out and one night i didn't come home. - Ex comes home 2 nights later and tells me that she's moving out the next day, that she's not jelous, doesn't care, just doesn't want to see it. The next day, July 6th, she moves out. When she leaves, i ask her, is this goodbye or see you later, she responds that its see you later. She doesn't want things between us to be completely over but she wants space and time and she would like us to take some time, settle in, then start seeing eachother and take things slow. She wants us to start on a fresh page and we cant do that living together. - I go into strict NC mode for 2 weeks, then one day she adds me to her msn list and i take this as her attempting to contact me. I then email her and tell her i think of her, hope that she's doing well and ask about a coffee. 2 days later i had to send another email asking about a bill. We then chat the next day and it ends with ' I do think of you' ' I miss you' 'thats the first time i've said that and truly meant it'. Then No contact again for 2 weeks. - Friday i get the email from her which really put some wind beneath my wings. She said she's more stressed out now than when we were together, and she doesn't know if she'll ever be happy. She says to email her or call her and goes into great detail to tell me when she would be home and available to chat and then signs it Love, ***. I should also mention that on that day she put money into our joint bank account. The last email really throws me for a loop, she really didn't have to send it, nor did she really have to put the money into our account..i mean, there had been 2 full weeks of NC. She also came by the house one day when i wasn't here, about 1.5 weeks in and got her mail and took a necklace i had given her on our first X-mas, she had left that for some reason...Only thing i can think of was that she never wanted to give it back to me when we had fought and i had asked for it back, then she left it kinda like a sign of here now you can have it back...but then why come n get it... The negative aspect is that my dad saw her on a possible date with a guy aged about 30, she is 24..also she just went away for three days, she never said with who though. this is long so sorry but any advice would really be super.

God only knows I don't want too. There is nothing more I want than to be by her side once again, to treat her the way I always should have, but, she hasn't given me much hope. I mean, in a way she has, the email she sent me was as everyone says, positive. I think the negatives are coming from things i am not sure of. IE was it a date my dad saw? Was she in NYC with a new guy? I am a mess tonight, by far the worst yet...

Today has probably been the hardest day yet. I think i really took a look at things and maybe i've just been living in a pipe dream, i dunno anymore. I was so happy about the email i got from her, hell, everyone that read said it had positive written all over it, and i really believed that too, then i hear from my dad that he saw her out having dinner with an older guy and then i remembered how she had bought a cell yet still hasn't given me the number, she never called when she said she would and never stopped by as she said she would. Basically, she's done absolutly nothing in regards to rebuilding our relationship or even establishing a form of communication. Should i pack it in folks? God knows i love her dearly but i don't know how many more days like this i can take. Maybe i'm just being way too paranoid, maybe i'm expecting too much, maybe it was over the day she walked out and she never had the slightest intention of us getting back together, ever...

Rich, you make a very valid point, in fact, this is my personal view and it hit me about 2 weeks ago. I was sitting here waiting on a reply to my thread and i was like, what the hell am i doing? Is she sitting in front of her PC somewhere hoping that what she just posted on the forum turns out to be positive? does she analyze things till they're dead? Probably not. I agree, this site is great and the people are super. The support i've received has been amazing but part of me feels that by making this an every thing, i am holding myself into this rut...your opinions, please.

I kind of agree with waiting, but, on the flip side. I feel that i should show her that i'm interested in whats bother her, i must remember that part of the reason she left me was because i neglected her and didn't pay enough "good" attention to her. In the same token, i want her back badly and don't want to screw it up by calling her. She said to email her back or give her a call at home and then went into great detail as to what times i could get a hold of her. I'm kinda worried that because i emailed her, i used up my "Contact Token". You guys say hold off and i can see why, but....i jsut don't know...

LEOML87, thats the right attitude to have. I would really try and get those clothes when she is not around and for a couple of reasons; a) there definitely wont be a fight that way. b) it shows her that you werent using it as an excuse to see her and that you're quiet capable of dealing with this alone. Right now, as hard as it is, you have to be strong, you have to show her that you're not weak, that you don't need her and that you're willing to give her the space she's requested. In the long run she'll respect you for it. DO NOT hook up with another girl just yet, its what drove my ex out the door and it will only add more fuel to the fire. If she needs to do this, then so be it, i too have to accept it, just remember that she loved you once, you just need to find that magic again to rekindle the flame. Good luck and we're in your corner!

LEOML87, first things first. Calm down and please stop using caps, its super annoying to read and i almost didn't reply due to it. I think she truly does need some space. I also think that by assuming she is with another guy will drive you nuts. I too have been having such thoughts, so much in fact that i've been told she was seen having dinner with another guy. But, it could be a friend, could be a date, could be a number of things, point is, driving yourself crazy over it isn't going to help. If i were in your shoes I would really ease up on things, take some things and let her know that you need some time and space and then leave for a week or so, if possible, leave the number where you'll be at, you want to give her a chance to contact you, but don't give her a time frame, that will not work in your favor. From my experience, you can either work with her and give her the space she wants while trying to turn the tables slightly or you can fight it and she'll eventually leave on her own, then you'll be sitting alone with much less of a chance.

iceesnowbubble, thanks for the post. I kinda agree with both of you that i should have ommited "love". However, i had in my previous two emails and she did do it first. Really, i dunno if she could be considered the first one to break the No Contact. I had sent an email two weeks into the whole breakup, then no contact for 2 weeks and then she made the contact, so, i suppose it depends on how its looked at.... Not sure if i should call her or not...i think i'll wait a few days and see what she does.

Yes, that is the email I am referring too. A couple of people have told me that i'm reading way too much into the dinner, but, i can't help but feel as though she's slipping away, like sand through ones fingers. TimP thank you so much for the response, it really has made me feel a bit better. I too find it hard to believe she would send me such an email if there was another guy, but you never know. I think a lot of my over reacting has to do with all the negatives she dished out before she left, that and the email was the only real positive piece i've received from her. I suppose i'll know more this week....i can only hope i'm not being naive or blind to something...