Betterwithout

Hi Greg40. I remember you in one of my posts from 4 years ago. You responded to me then.... You are in the same struggle as I am in. It's been over 4 years with my one foot out the door and I still feel the same as I did back then. I am trapped in the marriage. If I didn't have kids or live in area where the cost of living was ridiculous, I would have left 4 years ago. I married a person I didn't love 100%, and married her for a few of the wrong reasons. It struck me again shopping for a card for our wedding anniversary coming up. I have trouble finding a card that speaks about our marriage. Most say something about good marriages... "love you forever" "soulmates" "best friend" "sharing wonderful times together" etc. They don't have a card about staying together for the kids or to prevent financial ruin, or to spare someones feelings. Here is some food for thought for you..... One comment above from redswim30 was on point... You really need to assess what option will be more painful for all involved. As someone who was previously married and got divorced with kids....it's a real struggle, and my kids are doing ok...not great. However, this time around I have some experience of contemplating divorcing my second wife. I am not going to divorce now even though my heart says so. I am staying together until the kids move out and we no longer have a mortgage. I have lots of solo activities I like to do and keep looking for more, so my wife and I get on each others nerves less. After the kids move out, they will be fine...but I don't want to be unhappy from age 60-90. I am looking forward to that 1/3 of my life!

that's a pretty funny move, but just be careful about their boiling rage that could spell trouble for you down the road. For me, I usually pull over even if I am doing 70 in the fast lane to let them pass, I find it particularly satisfying watching them speed up and then brake to get to the car that was right in front going the same speed I was. That gives me the new opportunity to laugh instead of get annoyed. I have a dashcam too, so one day it will come in handy when it catches their horrible driving caused an accident. I will happily pull over and be a witness with video evidence. 😉

You are right, this DOES happen to a lot of people. Settling isn't doing anyone any favors. When I was dating, I heard this complaint from almost every woman out there. Weirdos, men in their 30's living in their parents basements playing video games) Don't turn cynical like many women and men I have met. In terms of you getting out of your comfort zone, do even more. (a little tougher in the pandemic) but really think outside of the box of places you can meet quality men. Yes, many great men are taken, but there are some out there, just need to find them. Usually it's just right place at the right time, or plain luck. Half of my friends are happily married and fully in love, the others are divorced, single and sadly some widowed. Maybe taking a little break from online apps would be good.

Golden Retriever's always look like they are smiling and having the time of their life. I think they could be one of the world's best pets.

don't get me wrong...I drive over the speed limit like everyone else, and I am not the idiot doing the exact speed limit or lower in the fast lane. In fact the only rules of the road I break are speed limits (like most people) but I will not run red lights and will not tailgate. The number one accident in a car is rear ender fender benders and I really don't want you hitting my bumper if we all have to stop suddenly. Leave a second following distance, and we'll all be good!

Millionaires often need everything yesterday BLISS

melancholy123 Thanks for the inspiration. How did you make a final decision about which business to go into? I have varied interests, and can't decide on which route. My grandparents and Uncle did very well with their own businesses.

Your answer is in your question. Your boots are made for walking....so sorry, but it's time for you to walk.

Are you physically attracted to her? I sense that you feeling shallow is about her outer appearance. If so, I can share a story. I once dated a woman for 3 or 4 weeks that checked off every single box, we laughed all throughout our entire dates and had such a fun time. We had the exact same sense of humour which was a rare find for me. She was smart, witty, caring, optimistic, pleasant and full of life and fun. The only problem was her hygiene was bad (B.O. on every date) she was unattractive, and her home was really unkept. Smelled really bad of cat urine. I felt like a shallow piece of s___ thinking that way, but I learned decades ago, there has to be at least some sexual chemistry beyond good friends. It was a hard decision, but ultimately I broke it off and wanted to keep looking.

I commend you spinstermanquee. Amazing that you have courage to confront this head on and to handle it the way you did. Respect! Can you please tell this to my ex wife? The pain I suffered in my divorce wasn't the infidelity, it was the lies and lack or remorse that crushed me. We have a good co-parenting relationship, but I have 0 respect for her and can't believe I was married to a person like this.

tailgaters! I can't stand people who tail gate while driving. I am driving as fast as the guy in front, it's all I can do. Get off my a$$!

hmmm. Joanna...in your heart do YOU want a relationship? The reason I ask is... Do you think a good looking guy in his early twenties with lots of women attention looking to be in a relationship at this stage in his life? Even if he's not a player type looking to brag on how many women he's slept with, maybe a relationship isn't in the cards anyhow.

Dentists don't usually have the skills to do oil changes. Auto Mechanics shouldn't perform root canals either. You are good at photography, that is your thing. Running the business side of things is not creative, but for many artists a tedious endeavour. However it is the lifeblood of your business. so simply put...you need to hire a manager to run the business end that knows how to run a business....leaving you on the creative side.

You can make some steps to improve your confidence, but you won't be (and shouldn't strive) to be an alpha male type. Women's top things they look for in men is confidence. Good looks, money, job, other things are "nice to haves", but the main thing is that confidence is the by-product of having your life together, not something you have. Seek out some books about finding confidence...and for the love of god don't use PUA crap that still lingers the internet. It's all crap. Bottom line, Just be your best self, love yourself (in a healthy way) and that is where confidence naturally starts to show on the outside .....and things will soon come your way.

I sounds like two things at play here. 1) Maybe you are a quieter sensitive type and not as aggressive as she would like. (don't worry about this, and don't try to be something you are not) 2) You have some history and let's call them false starts (friendzone kind of vibe) Are you comfortable with being a little more forward with her?, so she isn't on the fence if you guys will just be good friends or something more. I think she likes you and can see something more, but she can't steer the ship and wants you to.

Thank you all for your comments. I've been struggling with the grass isn't always greener too. I don't dread Monday mornings and I am not bored. Challenge is good. As far as talking to him about career succession, I expressed it to him jokingly already. I am the most senior person and most likely to take his position, so I think I will stick it out for a few more years and see how things shake out. Batya33: I like your suggestion of informational interviews. I did those way back when and they were eye-openers. I also can consider volunteering my time, and the entrepreneur route is definitely on my radar.

I am a guy, so thought I'd chime in from the male perspective.... It's funny, I was shy back in my college days and I regret not learning confidence earlier. For men, most women EXPECT us to be confident, but that doesn't come easy especially if your not a 10/10. This guy seems like a 10/10 and most 10's get the confidence day one of puberty. I find it interesting that many have suggested showing yourself as a non chalant, confident women and others suggested to be more forward and flirty or the damsel in distress submissive type. I think this wonderful world of chemistry plays a huge part, the way you present yourself and they way they present themselves have to align with what each other are looking for. There is the whole Alpha Male, Beta Male thing too. Anyhow...it took me many decades to learn this simple human connection tool.... "It's all in the eyes"!!!! The eyes represents the biggest clues if someone is interested and it comes in all variations.... men are visual creatures. if you look good, they want to look longer. In order of most attracted to least attracted: -Long glance, smile, look away, look back, smile -long glance, smile -glance, smile -long glance, look away -glance, look away Keep this in mind next time you see him. PS: I would love for you to keep us in the loop on how this turns out. It's a fun part of life.

a tough decision no doubt. Not to discount your current situation, but this happens to millions of people that have a relationship at this age. Love is super powerful, but your goals for your life can be just as powerful and motivating. As cliche as it sounds, my advice is to listen to your heart. I mean REALLY listen to it. Also ask yourself what you figure your life will look like in 5 10 years based on the decision you make today!

Remember who said these horrible things to you.... A very horrible person. Everyone needs people in their life that love them. He didn't love you, or know how to love you... or both. Don't let the toxic trail he left affect you. Move on in every way possible.

She ultimately sees his initiative CHESS

Sorry about this. Nobody enjoys the friend zone, when they desire to be more than friends. It looks like you have a series of changes (new house) that you'd hoped would create new steps in your relationship...this is totally normal. However, if your spouse is only going for the ride most of the time, this will lead to resentment. Not sleeping in the same bed is not what a couple signs up for in their 30's either. Red flag. Three questions to ask yourself... What is keeping you in the relationship? Would you like to start a family? Do you honestly see things getting better after checking off the next relationship milestone?

Within seconds, you can learn about ANYTHING. It's like having a million wise uncles surrounding you at all times. The internet is fantastic.

Hi Lost, I'm a little late to the party, but wanted to say congrats on your retirement! Hope your year has been good so far!

I should mention one thing... My boss is nearing retirement and doesn't need to work (well off financially). I get the feeling that when we work on projects that he is either "grooming" me to take over his job, but perhaps he is just trying to delegate. I am not sure. I would be up for a substantial salary increase (almost double) if he were to retire and I took over his role. This is one reason I have stayed these last few years. It's not a dreadful place to work, and a salary increase like that would be life changing.

Hi everyone, Like many people in this pandemic, my current career is becoming increasingly frustrating. The company has been restructured several times, and of course that means more work is dumped on the people who remain. I have inherited really crappy tasks that I both hate and am not trained for. Believe me, I am grateful to be "employed" and know many people are out of work. My daily gratitude affirmations have kept me even keeled since the pandemic began, however the stress I am feeling is starting to manifest itself physically now and I know that is a warning sign. I am starting to consider doing a completely new direction. A different industry/occupation altogether. Is someone in their early 50's too old to start this route? I would even consider going to school for a year to learn some new skills/training. Anyone have some success stories of Career 2.0 this late in the game? TIA