Pink Sunshine

How do I break up with someone? I want to break up with someone and I know they will be very hurt. So hurt that they may do something studpid and dangerous. I don't want this person to feel hurt? But I'm not happy and I need to end the relationship. What do I do?

Thank you everyone for your comments. It helps me to think about things. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've decided that I have to at least leave Guy 1. I'd love to be with Guy 2 but I can't be with him either. How can I be with someone I've lied to? I want an honest relationship from the start and the relationship I have with Guy 2 isn't - it isn't honest with either of them. I have to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life - I have to leave both of them. I am very upset about this but I'm sure it's for the best. I think I should be by myself for a while. I need to know what I want before I can go and get it. I suppose I need to forget about both of them. Maybe I'll fall in love again and hopefully I can be completely honest with the next guy that comes along. Maybe I might meet up again with Guy 2 (or even Guy 1) and if we do we were meant to be, if we don't then obviously we weren't meant to be.

Hi, I've been in a similar situation. Except, I was the one who decided I didn't want sex anymore. We had been together for 5 years. He loved me very much - as much as you love your wife by the sounds of it. The first two and a half years were perfect. It was at this two and a half year stage that I changed (and he didn't). He was my best friend but for some reason, when I changed, I thought of him more like a brother (that I never had) than a lover. He was very patient with me. For the next 2 years we only had sex about twice over that time. And, I had to run striaght for the shower afterwards. I had other issues though. I knew what my problem was (although he had no idea and that's another story). But some advice I can give you that I know helped me was: The people we saw and the activities we did. A lot of our friends started getting married and having babies so we were going to weddings, etc. but seeing how in love all those people were made me feel like I did want him and wanted to make him happy and I know making love was something he wanted, so slowly, I started to 'get it back'. So maybe, if you try to socialise with people you know are very in love with each over and/or their babies, etc. It may help. And keep her busy enough with those activities so that she doesn't have time for all her 'single' friends. But remember, a situation like this does take time to mend! I hope everything works out for you and your girl gets her libido back!

Piscesprincess, As I have said previously, there is a lot more to my story - I could write a novel! You actually have more in common that you don't know about. Guy 1 is 5 years older than me. Guy 2 was actually my Lecturer and tutor. I had him for the very first subject I did at uni - 3 years ago, and I also had him again in Semester 2 last year. He is 15 years older than me. And, he only separated from his wife in December last year (a few days before we first got together). Your story sounds very similiar to mine but my Guy 2 has left his wife and I'm living my fantasy of being with him. By the way, I noticed you were a Pisces - so am I (so I looked at your details). My sister who is 3 years younger is also a Pisces, her birthday is 12th March - the same as yours! I also have taken Figure Skating lessons since I was 12 and love to skate and rollerblade. Also, I went to New York this time last year and loved it (I went there on holidays with Guy 1). It is such a beautiful city. And thanks for your input into my situation.

Kungfumaster, Thank you for the advice. I read earlier advice from you to another post about styles of love. This also helped me understand what I feel for these two guys. With Guy 1 it is Friendship Love. With Guy 2 it is Romantic Love. Deep down, in my heart, I know what I have to do. I should break up with Guy 1. It is such a hard thing to do though. I don't know how to do it! It is going to be an extremely complicated mess. Mainly because we own a lot together - such as a house! But... I am also very worried about his stability. I'm scared he might kill himself or even... Kill Guy 2. I feel so bad about this situation.

There's nothing worse then regret. If you never do anything about your feelings - you'll always be wondering 'what if?' But then again, I believe in fate and what will be will be. If you are meant to be with him - you will be - no matter what. And, if you are not meant to be with him - then you're meant to be with someone else. Patience.

I definitely like older guys. I always thought 3 years older was perfect. But my last 2 boyfriends have been 15 years and 5 years older. I have been with 2 guys that were both 1 year younger. And I just couldn't be with them. They seemed so young and immature.

Trying to cut a long story (over 5 years worth) as short as possible… (Guy 1): I had been with a guy for over 2 years. We were the best of friends. We bought a house together. If he had of asked me to marry him – I would have said yes. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Until… (Guy 2): I decided to go to university. I felt myself extremely attracted to another guy. I thought, 'how could I love 'Guy 1' if I'm very interested in another person?' I didn't do anything about my feelings for Guy 2 and I stayed with Guy 1. But, since I'd had feelings for Guy 2 – I stopped having sex with Guy 1 because I constantly felt guilty about my feelings. Over 2 years had passed since I fell for Guy 2. My feelings hadn't gone away – I felt like I loved him deeply. One day, he asked me out for coffee. I was so excited since I'd had very strong feelings for him for so long. Coffee turned into dinner, dinner turned into kissing, kissing turned into… I felt very confused. I had to be by myself and think about things. I moved out of the house I owned with Guy 1 and I now live by myself. It has been 6 months since I got together with Guy 2 (and 3 months living by myself). Guy 2 has told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Guy 1 also still loves me. He tells me I'm his soul mate and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He is very hurt that I moved out and says he has never cried so much in his life. He can't imagine living without me. I've told him I was attracted to another person since going to uni. I haven't told him how far we've gone though – that would hurt him too much. Guy 2 doesn't know that I still love Guy 1. I've told Guy 2 that I love him. I'm in love with both of them! But, I love them both in different ways. Guy 1 is the best friend I have ever had – I love him for that. With Guy 2, I have never been so attracted to anyone in my life. I ache when I'm not with him – I want to spend every second of my day and night with him. When I'm with Guy 1, all I think about is Guy 2. When I'm with Guy 2 I don't think of anything but him. I don't know who to choose. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with either of them. I need to make a decision – fast! I can't do this to both of them (and me). I really do want to be with Guy 2 but I guess I'm mainly scared of Guy 1's feelings. I'm scared he might do something really stupid – and it would be my fault. There is so much more to this story though... Like, Guy 1 has so many good reasons to be with him - he is a perfect person to spend the rest of my life with. Guy 2 has made mistakes in the past and has been married before and has kids (he says he only got married because his ex wife purposely got pregnant). What do I do?