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Thread: Please Help Me

  1. #1

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    Please Help Me

    My ex. girlfriend broke up with me 6 months ago, and we didn't talk for roughly 4 months. Then, after the semester ended, she texted me and asked me to talk, I was very hesitant, but I agreed. We started to hang out more often, and eventually it was like we were dating again. We spent our entire summer together and had a great summer. She left to go back to school about 2 weeks ago, and before she left she had hinted that she wanted to get back together. I said that I didn't think it was a good idea because long distance already failed us once, but we agreed that we wanted to keep talking and re-visit the idea of reconciliation later in time. Now, she's ice cold to me. We made plans on her birthday and I was going to go visit her and take her out to dinner, but she canceled last minute saying that she had an unexpected practice and said "maybe we can do it another time." She stopped responding to my texts, snapchats, and any form of communication. She also didn't have a practice, because I could see her on social media laying in her bed in her dorm. I feel like a loser, I can't believe I let myself back into this mess after I had already picked myself up and rebuilt my confidence. Now I feel like a shell of myself and I feel like I'm back to square one. I don't know what I did, I really just don't get this. I really care about her, and she said she cares about me, but her actions don't show it. I feel so stupid, what did I do wrong?
    Last edited by Dash40; 08-24-2019 at 08:41 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You gave her another chance despite knowing that LDR is impractical. That's what you did wrong. You can't undo the past. Just chalk it up to a bad lesson learned, pick yourself up and move on. Consider her history. Don't look back all the time. Be realistic. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

    In the future, be with someone local because the survival rate for relationships tend to last longer due to convenience (no traveling expenses, less time consuming transportation, more time together, less hassle).

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Cherylyn is so right! Dont wallow in pity, get up, dust yourself off, and carry on. Learn from this experience and dont get into the whole LDR thing that rarely works out. Look locally for a potential new girlfriend.

  4. #4
    Member gooseduck's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dash40
    My ex. girlfriend broke up with me 6 months ago, and we didn't talk for roughly 4 months. Then, after the semester ended, she texted me and asked me to talk, I was very hesitant, but I agreed. We started to hang out more often, and eventually it was like we were dating again. We spent our entire summer together and had a great summer. She left to go back to school about 2 weeks ago, and before she left she had hinted that she wanted to get back together. I said that I didn't think it was a good idea because long distance already failed us once, but we agreed that we wanted to keep talking and re-visit the idea of reconciliation later in time. Now, she's ice cold to me. We made plans on her birthday and I was going to go visit her and take her out to dinner, but she canceled last minute saying that she had an unexpected practice and said "maybe we can do it another time." She stopped responding to my texts, snapchats, and any form of communication. She also didn't have a practice, because I could see her on social media laying in her bed in her dorm. I feel like a loser, I can't believe I let myself back into this mess after I had already picked myself up and rebuilt my confidence. Now I feel like a shell of myself and I feel like I'm back to square one. I don't know what I did, I really just don't get this. I really care about her, and she said she cares about me, but her actions don't show it. I feel so stupid, what did I do wrong?
    You didnt do anything wrong. You gave her another chance and that was very generous of you. That means you have an open heart. I hope, even though she gravely mistreated you, you can take this time to grow as a person and realize your instincts were right and to follow them next time. I hope this doesnt close up your heart because there will be a much better person to come into your life, guarenteed , if you do the hard work of healing, reopening your heart and learning to be better and stronger from it. It is a continous growth being a human being and these are the worst of times, but really good for us to evolve from. She did a disservice by being pretty immature about the whole situation and not thinking about your feelings in the process. This is only true if you were actually together.

    With all of that said, you two werent officially together, you said she hinted (adults will just say it, no games). Just remember, you two werent togehter in any official capacity and so she has every right to do whatever she wants.Even if you were together, she is entitled to live her life and do as she pleases, but real adults in respectful relationships will always consider their important relationships when doing things or making decisions. Everything is going to be ok.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Cherylyn is so right! Dont wallow in pity, get up, dust yourself off, and carry on. Learn from this experience and dont get into the whole LDR thing that rarely works out. Look locally for a potential new girlfriend.
    Thanks melancholy123!

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I can see where it appears you might have given her a second chance but I don't think you really did. It was a hesitant tip toe you did and I don't think she actually had any idea how much you wanted to make it work. She hinted at it and you said it wasn't a good idea. I'm not sure what reconciliation at a later time means. In fact, I would take it as a soft no. If I were her and a teenager all over again, I might have done the same thing (flipped my long distance middle finger to the universe and said "whatev").

    In future it's generally not a good idea to revisit situations that haven't changed. For example, if the relationship ended due to long distance issues, don't pursue or entertain any long distance relationships again. Another example: if someone cheats on you and is still cheating on their current partner but wants to get back with you, don't reconcile with that person. The situation hasn't changed. There are some instances where situations do appear to have changed but the person has not. Take your time and be a bit more careful with your language and how you interact with someone, manage your own feelings and expectations and don't be afraid to have pep talks with yourself.


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