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Thread: My friends leaving the country will make me depressed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2019

    My friends leaving the country will make me depressed

    Hi everyone.
    Lately,I've been feeling kind of depressed because three of my friends want to live abroad. This makes me sad since I'm gonna miss them so much and I know when someone leaves to start a new life in another country,the relationship you used to have is never the same. They start a new life and will make new friends and memories and if they say it is not like that it is a lie,I know how these things work. One of my friends is going to USA in november and I asked her how long she was staying there and she answeres that "forever" she did not plan to come back,she would find a way to live there because it is her dream. The same the other 2 girls,they want to live in another country and they will. My sister and her boyfriend in a couple of years will live in Spain and one of my best friends will also live in Spain for 5 years. In general,6 importante people in my life will leave and when I think about this I feel like my chest hurt,I think it is anxiety... I know it may be selfish of me and I should be happy for them but I feel sad.. why everyone wants to leave? I'm gonna end up alone. I just have my mom and other 2 friends that I don't see often and I'm not that close to. I don't know how not to feel like this and worry too much about the fact that almost every important people in my life are going to start a new life far away from me and that means: things will change,our friendship and bond will start fading away and I dont care whether they tell me it wont happen because I know it will. As I said,I know how these things end up,distance relationships or friendships dont work,life goes on and they will know new people who they will spend time and make memories with,they will forget about me and suddenly I will just be a distant memory of a good friendship. I hate this,I'm angry and sad. I feel like crying and yelling at them.. and I know it is a very immature attitude.
    Thanks for the place

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    It sounds like you make strong friendships and enjoy the company of the people closest to you. Is that true? If it is, try and find meaning in that and learn to roll with those punches. Life will always bring change, as you know. You should be able to find happiness inside yourself also in things that you enjoy doing in your life, independent of those relationships.

    You don't have to give up the meaning of those friendships or your personality in order to adapt to change.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    I went through something similar and I survived.

    I planned my second pregnancy with one friend, who's husband then took a job in another state. That wasn't part of the plan! At the same time my best friend and her husband were moving to the very same state. I had introduced them to each other and they got along famously, without me. . in an entirely different state.

    I was left behind newly pregnant with my second child, hormonal and I recall curling up in a fetal position on my bed and crying like a baby.

    That was years ago and though there were times that I felt so sad, I did make new friends, I joined a volunteer organization and got busy with my life. Just like your friends will.

    Life throws you curve balls. And your circle of friends will likely change a few more times in your lifetime. Consider it normal.

    Challenge yourself to be resilient.
    In the meantime, you're entitled to feel sad.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I complained about this all the time to my mother when I was a young girl. Many of my friends from school who came to my house to play, often times moved away quickly because their fathers were in the military and they moved a lot within the year every year no matter where they lived. My mother said, "That's life. People will always come and go within your lifetime. Some people stay in your life, others move away and unfortunately, if you don't see each other often anymore, people drift apart. It can't be helped."

    Even though you don't want to, often times you'll have to resign your self into "acceptance." Accept the situation for what it is. There's nothing you can do about it. Sure, you can maintain electronic communication or through social media such as FB, for example, however, I know it's not the same as seeing each other in person whenever you feel like it.

    Hopefully, eventually, you can start all over again with establishing new friendships which will require cultivating, nurturing and maintaining those friendships / relationships. I know it feels like a lonely world. You have to start somewhere hopefully people who are local to your geography.

    Are you close to family and extended relatives? Do any of them live close to you? Sometimes you can be with them more.

    If not, venture out of your comfort zone and get out there by joining groups whether it's church, sports, hobbies, interests, excursions, intellectual type groups (book clubs / museums / whatever), etc. If you want to meet people, you have to make it happen because they won't come to you.


  6. #5
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Not to burst your friends bubble, but itís really hard to just up and go and live in the United States forever. I moved here myself from another country so I know how involved that whole visa process can be.
    Aside from that, I know how sad it must make you feel to lose your close friends. Iíve been through it so many times myself, from leaving my home country and best friends to moving to a city that seems to attract people who only want to stay a certain amount of time. But thatís life. People come and go and Iíve managed to maintain a close friendship back in the motherland for over 10 years now. Same with some close friends Iíve made here who moved away. We talk on the phone weekly, update each other in between through messaging and of course visit back and forth. Dynamics always change, but you will find that to be true for people who live in the same city. People grow up, start to have families etc.
    It hasnít ceased to be hard for me to get used to someone going away, but life goes on and you meet new people and find a new rhythm.

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