Am i bad for my girlfriend?

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. we love each other and intend to get married in the future. but i let her walk away during an argument, eventhough its my fault and i should fix it. she comes back and wants to break up with me because i don't bother stopping her from leaving. it causes a lot of pain for her and i hate that it does. do i break up with her to save her the pain, because i can't guarantee that i won't hurt her again?

I'm sorry you are going through this manipulation. My husband tried to pull that crap on me and I didn't chase. IMO if you want a relationship to work, you both have to be adult about it, and just simply sit down and talk. Walking away and acting all dramatic is immature. She in't ready for marriage at all. You are best to let her go and figure how things work through more relationships. You are not hurting her, you are busting her ego. Manipulation is all about trying to gain control out of insecurity. All she is doing is laying a guilt trip on you to gain that control...that is bad juju. Breaking up with her would be a healthy decision for you.

I'm not sure any chasing is a good idea in reality in regards to this kind of heated situation.

It may have snowballed into a pop culture (in the movies) type of thing, most prevalent in 'dramas' or tv episodes/sit coms to generate an increase in viewers and ratings due to a whole psychology behind the entertainment industry. Fun to watch, not fun to live.

Someone who incites you to chase after him/her is engaging in insecure behaviours that can be manipulative, in my opinion. The behaviours are just not necessary. You may also have felt it was unnecessary to chase after her because...well, she may not have been deserving of it in the first place.

If you (you specifically) have a track record of unaccountability or difficulty righting your wrongs or saying you're sorry or learning to fight fair or admit you're wrong, this might continue to cause a lot of trouble in all your relationships in general. Your girlfriend might be reacting to what seems like arrogance or lack of accountability. Sometimes some people are just slower (ie. slower to process)! That's ok. Understanding and patience is always a plus in a relationship. If you don't feel like there's enough understanding or patience between the both of you, try working on that together.

She shouldn't be threatening to break up with you in the heat of any argument. Threats to break up in the heat of the moment rarely help either party and are usually indicative of manipulative or hostile reactions to events that may or may not be appropriate at all.

Yes, let her go. It is better than pushing her away in a cowardly fashion.

i can't guarantee that i won't hurt her again?

I've had a couple relationships that would do the same. Either walk away hoping I'd chase or threaten to leave without ever really intending to.

It's manipulative. The only time I've ever said I was done, was when I was done and didn't go back. Anything else in between is irresponsible and childish.

I dated a man about 4 years ago that threatened it so much, I told him if he did it one more time, I'd hold him to it. And I did.

He wasn't happy about it.

I'm not sure it this is a pattern for the both of you.

Do you argue often and what is it about you that you feel you would hurt her again?

thanks for the replies first of all, its kind of relieving to hear that other people have had this problem was feeling pretty bad about it.

so i want to explain further just incase i'm representing something wrong because everyone is telling me to leave her and i really love her.

i was making dinner for her and she was cutting vegetables by holding them in one hand and using the knife with the other even though there was a chopping board right in front of her, i told her to use the board, and i kind of insisted that she cut them the way i wanted. she then said so i just won't do it or something and went to the bedroom.

anyway i was annoyed at that and later once i finished cooking it came up and i said it was my house and my rules because honestly it was a stupid argument, and had just got off a 36 hour shift. after that she didn't eat the food, i ate a bit and then just packed it away. after which she said she was going to get change and go home to do her work. i didn't argue.

then it came time when she was near the front door so i stood up and opened the door for her to leave. and right at that moment i knew she was going to say something and leave, so as she started her sentence i told her not to say a sentence that would provoke me and then leave. i told her to either leave or stay and talk about it. i opened the door and she kind of argued with me but at the same time walked out the door then stood outside my door and argued a bit more.

eventually she left and i slammed the door behind her, like 10 second later she came back though and it ended with me giving up and saying she was right about everything, and i shouldn't have let her go and her telling me i'm not a keeper. now we just text about it and she is telling me the same stuff and i'm left trying to piece things back.

this is the third time this walking away thing has happened actually, but honestly we don't argue that much, but when we do its starts with something really petty and ends with us questioning whether we should be together. she is 22 and never been in a serious relationship before and did all her firsts with me, so i feel alot more worried when i see that i've hurt her feelings, especially because i know i'm not the type of person to play games and chasing someone feels kind of silly to me, thats why i don't follow her not because she isn't important to me.

so now i've elaborated do u still think we should break up?

(sorry for the long explanation)