Please help me understand so I can move on

Hi,1st time poster, apolgies in advance its so long, trying to understand break up of last relationship so I can move on in a healthy way. I'm 36 and he is 37, With him for 4yrs, last 2 sex and affection dwindled. He was never very affectionate to begin with. Last year sex was down to once a month when he was drunk. When I cuddled him he gave nothing back. Felt too rejected and unwanted to iniate sex. Said several times over the last year I feel u aren't in love with me and aren't attracted to me in which case we should call it a day as you can't change that and we both deserve to be with people who love us. He always reassured this was not the case and he wasn't sure why things had dwindled,we rarely fought and got on as wonderful friends. A couple of times in last six months he stopped speaking to me for a few days then said he was thinking about our situation regarding lack of sex Then we had a petty arguement in which i said something out of frustration and embarrassment which hurt his ego. We recently found out he was infertile and the comment was sex related so I can understand his anger. He ignored me for a week then was cold before speaking to me in person two weeks later. I apologised for my comment but he stated he didn't know if he loved me, the spark was gone and it was my fault for not making an effort. I was devastated but accepted he didn't want me. Week later i text about getting my stuff back and he said he thinks he made a mistake and wants to try to fix it. He messed me about for nearly 2 weeks then spoke to me in person to tell me he can't say he loves me or doesn't love me but thinks he does. However doesnt want to try again as he doesnt want to be back here in a few months time,that was the only thing stopping him trying again. He couldn't say he doesnt love me but I took it to mean that and he left. I found out he was online dating the same week. This was nearly two months ago. Only text him twice since then regarding admin and the last time he called me, not for any real reason just to go on about the letter he received. I said very little just let him go on and that was the end of it. So yeah I accept he doesnt want me but confused why he dumoed me for the very reasons I suggested the problem was over a year ago. It makes me feel like he never lived and was just stringing me along and he has tried to leave me with false hope. I'm over the worst of it and beginning to think of the future just can't quite get over the last hump,I feel sad and miss my friend,though recognise a friend prob wouldn't treat me this way. Anyone have any insight into what the he'll happened?

I would have a sense that infidelity was involved in some way...maybe not physically but possibly emotionally. These things happen with coworkers most of the time. They spend all day with them, form a bond then eventually becomes more intimate. Like a lot of men who cheat, they still like things at home...it's like their little dirty secret on the side. A man's biggest fear is boredom, and when things are routine at home, they enjoy the lure of someone fresh and new for stimuli. I'm sure with some digging you may find something out.

Thanks for answering. I suspect this too. He flat out denies it. I've searched his social media no end,prior to going no contact, couldn't find anything. It would have been easier if he admitted it I think, at Least then I wouldn't have felt so worthless like it was something wrong with me. It's the not sure if he loves me bit that got me, when I've fell out of love with people I've straight up admitted it

Just let him be. Dont chase him out, dont initiate anything, definitely dont stalk him and just let him be. He will come around. Be prepared too if he doesnt. It is hard when men dont know what they want, harder if we knowingly get stuck in the gray area.

Thanks. I won't chase him,I've never asked him back or to try and fix things, thats why i cant understamd why be felt the need to come back twice. Its like he was trying to intentionally hurt me and string me along,think that's what i struggle with,I accepted it and he kept coming back for no real reason. I've removed him from social media and push myself into dating,just not quite ready tho I really want to be

Abcdedghijk

What a absolute ing so he is bastard ing slag

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