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Thread: A NC journey

  1. #11
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    Already hit the anger stage then the bargaining (with no one because didn't break NC, just bargaining) and back to depression. A long, long road ahead, but good to know I won't be stuck in one state. And really glad not contacting because I'd be Jeckyll & Hyde.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Baby steps indeed Brother. Steady as you go...

    I wish there were a shortcut through this I really do....but unfortunately there just isn't.

    So you're definitely doing the right things but do let the grief come and go and do it's thing as well.

    Horrible I know but you do want that wound to heal properly for the longer term rather than suppress it only to have it come springing out of the box somewhere down the line....

    Stay Strong

    Carus*

  3. #13
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    no harm in crying, that's a healthy way of letting emotions out, I still shed a tear or 2 when i get down but it helps regain my composure so I can face the world again.

    It's not easy man, but keep it up

  4. #14
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    Thanks everyone. It really helps hearing the encouragement.

    Today I started working on things she mentioned were a problem that I agree with. I hate them in myself too. The door to the relationship isn't closed and locked, but it isn't wide open either which is good because it's motivating to try and be better in case it is opened, but it isn't the only driving force. It will also benefit me and if this one doesn't work out then whoever I end up with. And it will give me more control if/when we talk again because I won't be cringing inside knowing I'm still a packrat for example. Even if it isn't a complete change there will be progress. I have good friends too who are helping me while making sure the changes are positive, not just reactionary and that it is moving forward enough to make progress, but not so much it backfires because change is scary even when you want it. I'm assuming we never speak again for healing purposes. I left it with a nice goodbye and allowed her to be the one to contact since she wanted to end it. I've had some take that up and some not so best to assume it's forever and then pleasantly surprised if it happens instead of waiting then crushed all over again. Learned that from experience.

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  6. #15
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    And on cue the fears about becoming complacent were realized. I had a sleepless night with some crying and even mild vomiting once. Voice in my brain keeps saying "what's the point of improving now that she's gone." I hate that voice. I know somewhere deep down I'm worth it, but right now it feels like it's fake and will never be true. But heading to workout so not giving up. Just struggling like every human seems to after these things.

  7. #16
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    I want to share with you these rules I have on my phone that i always look at:
    2. My anxieties and insecurities donít necessarily reflect whatís really going on or what heís thinking or feeling.
    5. Seeking contact (stalking, pleading) does not bring relief, it only brings shame.
    9. When I am triggered, I shall mindfully observe my physiology and let it wane without trying to fix it. Rather than thinkingI have to see him and recapture what was,I shall think,Oh, look at that. Iím having an anxious moment. This too shall pass.
    10. I shall not measure my worth by his attitude toward me. His attitude is a reflection on him, not me.
    11. Heísjust not that into me, and I shall spend my time with people who appreciate me. Life is too short to do otherwise.
    12. Distance from him is what heals me. Whenever I try to get close again, itís like picking off a scab and making it bleed. Iím only forcing myself to go through the agony of withdrawal all over again. When a scab has formed, I shall let it heal over completely.
    14. Itís okay for me to feel sad that this relationship has ended. As I grieve, I am moving toward healing.
    15. am a growing, changing person and can learn from this experience.
    16. I shall take the high road and behave in ways that have dignity and restore my self-respect.
    20. I shall remember that my success is the best revenge!
    This is some incredible stuff here. Thanks for sharing! I quoted and bolded the ones that were most helpful to me and that, a year out, can see how I should've behaved differently.

  8. #17
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    Really good day. Productive. Future looking. Hard, but satisfying workout. Starting to see results from the stretches and strengthening. Got rid of some unwanted stuff that cleared up Ron. Was feeling great.

    Nights are rough. Was just laying listening to music when wave of sadness just floored me. Music wasn't related to relationship at all I just got extremely sad and couldn't stop crying. I didn't fight it at all. Let it all wash out. I know it hasn't even been a week so still raw. Tomorrow is one week from breakup and no idea how I will feel. Pretty down I suspect. I was in love.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    I cried every day for over 6 months...

    Hang in there Utterly*....It will ease up eventually.....You're doing the right thing by getting it out though*

    Carus*

  10. #19
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    Thanks. I need the encouragement and community. Today facing crippling loneliness and loss. Nothing special about today at all just woke up and felt it hard and it hasn't left all day. It's almost panic attack levels, but not quite.


    Originally Posted by Carus
    I cried every day for over 6 months...

    Hang in there Utterly*....It will ease up eventually.....You're doing the right thing by getting it out though*

    Carus*

  11. #20
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    Having a day. Pain from breakup only 50% of it. The rest is just life stuff that piled up. Had a cry so hard can't catch breath moment. I wish I could not exist for awhile. Not suicidal or thinking of hurting myself at all. Just wish there was an off switch.

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