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About Utterlyhurt

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  1. I was watching Toy Story with my niece and nephews and when the song Strange Things came on. It was like a gut punch/wow that's a great use of analogy. See if this isn't how a lot of us feel/have felt! Strange Things by Randy Newman I was on top of the world, living high It was right in my pocket I was living the life Things were just the way they should be When from out of the sky like a bomb comes some little punk in a rocket Now all of a sudden some strange things are happening to me I had friends I had lots of friends Now all my friends are gone And I'm doing the best I
  2. I second this as something that helped me. I did this for first time recently and did it again today. Set aside a time to think about happy things and cry then remember the bad. After I finished it was like a flip book of happy memories opened up and I cried until I physically couldn't anymore. When it was over I felt drained and raw at first, but now I know those memories won't be as stark or shocking. They will still hurt, but it won't be that "Oh god I forgot about X that we did!" After that I did another review of the negative. My heart wasn't in it and it wasn't easy, but went over again
  3. Thank you for that. This is my thinking too. I needed to vent it and did, but zero desire for retaliation and zero desire for her to hurt. So my contact is done. I have to process my pain and why this hit so hard. I kept false hope and even though opening left it's on me that I felt that way. And why did I want someone who broke up with me first time things got difficult. That's not a good long term trait. I did love her and that's something I can use to identify the traits I loved. I can hold my head high and say I was respectful and honored requests. Even if it didn't come from her like
  4. This is a bit of hurt venting and sharing for support and it feels like a second heartbreak. It might be longish so TL/DR summary ex told me after breakup that she had school related deadline, but would like to talk and maybe date again after that. Then had, or let, a friend of hers tell me today it was over amongst insults. I have a couple of threads on here about breakup with ex who said her friend or friends (she used the word they about all the reasons why it ended. "They said I have to " "They said you didn't mean what you said." I don't know if singular or plural they) "made" her bre
  5. I know you are working on school and we won't have a chance to talk for awhile. This is driving me crazy as I just want to hear you tell me that we will talk again and there will be a chance to demonstrate changes. But I know that until you contact me I will not know so it's a pipedream. I want you to know I still love you. And you still inspire me. And I have worked hard on things. Even if we don't work out I want you to know that so you know you were worth the effort. And I am worth that effort. I feel I'm in much better place now, but also know things don't always work out like we want. I j
  6. I think I can provide perspective from the male point on this. I'm on the opposite end of rainorshine's message. In our relationship there were things I needed to do, but didn't because of a mix of physical pain, inertia and thinking there was always more time. Mostly physical pain which I didn't push through or sometimes even try. I'm working on those things and actually doing it so that if I get second chance then I will have actually done what needed to be done not just say it. Showing it holds much more weight. If he says he can change he might or might not follow through. From your post i
  7. We have such similar situations I know what you are going through. Mine a promising message of meeting up was followed up by a requested long period of silence. The not knowing breeds confidence, doubts, fears, hopes... it's whatever my brain wants it to be at that moment. She asked to have the space and time to focus on academic stuff for awhile so there isn't a chance of contact until... who knows. Sometime possibly after a few months. I too ruminate a lot. I sometimes get lost in it, but often I try and ask myself what I can do right then to make myself better so if we do meet back up
  8. I have been in your exact shoes several times over the years. I recently head one fail over academic pressures combined with some legitimate stuff I did wrong (nothing major wrong on level of cheating etc... just the things we get lazy about or take for granted after awhile) and a few things that we're just gross misinterpretations I had no chance to correct. It hurts. A lot. And she told me we might get back together after a time and it still hurts worse than anything I can remember. That's all too lead up to this about your situation. You will learn from this. You might think it's imposs
  9. Our stories are remarkably similar. And yes it's a... brutal process. That's the only way I can describe it. I feel simultaneously like I will never heal, that I must heal, that I will never see this person who was a huge part of my life ever again, that it will work itself out after the academic stress is gone. The silence always slowly moving forward, but it also allows every doubt to creep in.
  10. Thank you all for the advice and messages. It helps. I love this because it's so true There's a chance for reconciliation with mine, but also NC for awhile so I'm treating it as if I will never hear from her again to heal. Letting go of the milestones and all the things we shared is hard. I think that's one of the hardest things to do in life.
  11. I agree with this. Had a friend commit suicide over relationship and we all still miss her, but have no idea about the guy. He didn't suddenly start hanging around or anything. It just hurt the people who were always there.
  12. A thread to vent/relate/point out the obvious that it's just one day closer to healing about how holidays seem to hurt after a breakup. My post is I'm doing much better with my healing. Still NC to help with that and doing things I like and are beneficial. Starting to feel like corner turned and then wham today hits. Still feel like turning the corner because not nearly as bad as before- and want to do something to improve lot, not cry all day -but today definitely stings more than a random day. I had actually planned something cute and personal for today, so that is part of it, but fo
  13. That's still in effect. Today was getting her Easter present in the mail which was gut punch in spite of the possible upcoming stuff. I had put a lot of thought into romantic Easter egg hunt. Mostly work and family drama. And then dog got sick and since she just had multiple surgeries had to take to vet... Just one of those steamroller days where it all seems to hit at once. And the breakup is still raw which is why I think waiting awhile is good to even discuss reconcilliation. Have to work on stuff for me in the meantime and heal. I'm both hopeful and sad if that makes sense. Today th
  14. This is my mantra too. I want it not to be so bad, but until we get there it's what we've got. And sorry to hear about the divorce. I was in the very early stages of "I think this is someone I could marry" and it was still crushing. Can't imagine how you feel.
  15. I'm pouring the emotions into a book I've been working on. It's fiction, but some of the raw emotional scenes will be based on very real raw emotional scenes.
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