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tbhmaddie

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  1. God I hate this guy. On my 5th day of no contact and he sent me cute puppy pictures on Instagram for no reason. I didn’t reply though. Ugh!
  2. I want to share with you these rules I have on my phone that i always look at: 1. My distress is a result of brain chemistry and I’m not crazy. Justtemporarilyoff balance. 2. My anxieties and insecurities don’t necessarily reflect what’s really going on or what he’s thinking or feeling. 3. Just because he broke up with me doesn’t mean that what we had wasn’t real. It’s simply not real any more. 4. I shall respectfully honor his request for space. 5. Seeking contact (stalking, pleading) does not bring relief, it only brings shame. 6. Instead of thinking,I have to get him to tell me the truth, change his mind, stop cheating, etc., I shall stop caring what he does or how he feels. 7. It is a mistake to heed the voice inside my head that urges me to seek him out. That voice comes from pain, insecurity, and fear and isnotthe BEST me. 8. When that voice is triggered, I shall turn toward myself or a good friend for reassurance,not him. 9. When I am triggered, I shall mindfully observe my physiology and let it wane without trying to fix it. Rather than thinkingI have to see him and recapture what was,I shall think,Oh, look at that. I’m having an anxious moment. This too shall pass. Also tryunfurrowing your brow. A calm face leads to a calm mind. 10. I shall not measure my worth by his attitude toward me. His attitude is a reflection on him, not me. 11. He’sjust not that into me, and I shall spend my time with people who appreciate me. Life is too short to do otherwise. 12. Distance from him is what heals me. Whenever I try to get close again, it’s like picking off a scab and making it bleed. I’m only forcing myself to go through the agony of withdrawal all over again. When a scab has formed, I shall let it heal over completely. 13. I shall not justify seeking closeness as an attempt to keep my lover as a friend. I cannot afford a friendship until I’m completely over him and no longer even remotely triggered. And it’s okay if we don’t remain friends. Moving on is a sign of personal growth. 14. It’s okay for me to feel sad that this relationship has ended. As I grieve, I am moving toward healing. 15. am a growing, changing person and can learn from this experience. 16. I shall take the high road and behave in ways that have dignity and restore my self-respect. 17. The more I behave like a sane person, the more I’ll feel like a sane person. 18. To resist focusing on a dead relationship, I shall focus on living my BEST life. 19. I shall seek out what energizes me, not what drains me. 20. I shall remember that my success is the best revenge!
  3. I know, you’re right. It’s just hard for me to swallow knowing someone who said they’d always care about me no matter what, no longer does. Our breakup was mutual at the time. We agreed the spark was lost, but were both somewhat open to getting back together. But after I realized how hard it was, I started missing him like crazy and couldn’t stand being alone. I quickly realized I wanted him back but it was not reciprocated. I wasted my entire year obsessing over a love that was completely dead. I wanted to keep it alive so badly that I would do anything to keep his attention. I thought he would always care about me, at least enough to treat me with some respect. But he told me he thinks no matter what I say or do, I have this ulterior motive to win him back. That also hurts. I am planning to move on without him and have already deleted his number, etc. I just feel so guilty for holding on to this hope for so long, because it completely consumed 7 months of my life and I don’t know how to live my life without him in it, even in my imagination.
  4. Thank you so much for your reply. I think what you went through is so similar to me. I found out this weekend that he is seeing a new girl. He said he can't be friends with me, and I'm sure he doesn't plan on it. I confronted him about how bad of a "friend" he is to me. He told me I was right and it was his fault, and that he is unsure if we can stay friends. I tried to make it clear that I was over him (even though I'm not) and he probably got the vibe that I wasn't over it. Finding out about this new girl was devastating, and I want to be happy for him but I'm not. I'm really upset but I also set this upon myself for not following through with no-contact earlier. I have now given up the idea that we will ever be friends again. It's extremely hard to digest this considering how much we know about each other and how close we were. It's hard losing a boyfriend, let alone your best friend. Moving forward I will now delete his contact information off my phone and soon will unfollow him on all social media. Now that I know he really has no intention on being friends again I sort of have to act like he died. I have started no contact today and this time I will do it for as long as it takes until I heal completely. I don't know what part of me always has so much hope in people. I always hope that people will change their mind or come back around, but its so difficult for me to accept the reality of the situation. Thank you to everyone who has replied. I welcome any more advice.
  5. You are completely right. He would always say that he will always care about me but I guess actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words. Thank you
  6. I just want to thank everyone so much who has replied to this. I was really not thinking anyone would answer and I am really appreciative of all your advice, as I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with anyone. I will try to reply to each one of you individually.
  7. My ex boyfriend and I broke up in September. Since then we have kept minimal contact, and slept together a few times. In December I talked to him for closure, and reassured me that there is no chance of us getting back together. However I still could not accept the breakup. I have gone through the cycle of blocking him/unblocking, and doing things to get his attention. Now and then we have lighthearted conversations, but I am (of course) always the one starting the conversation. I have tried no-contact many times but I have failed. I can't seem to get past 2 weeks without needing to reach out. It only seems like he will text me back when he wants to have sex. I have denied the last few times though. I tried to start NC again last Monday. It was extremely hard this time, as I have seen him around in public recently. Last night I caved and replied to one of his snapchat stories. He left me on read (didn't reply) and I honestly felt SO crushed. It led me to a near panic attack and I was bawling my eyes out until I fell asleep. I also feel like I betrayed myself for breaking no contact again. We said we would try to be civil and be friends, but he has not acted like it at all (by ignoring me) and I feel bad for blocking him on social media since we have broke up so long ago. He might think I'm still not over it, which I don't want him to think. I want to go out and have fun with my friends, but I know I will see him at the bars that we go to, and it ruins my night. At this point I don't even know if I want him back, I am just so lonely and obsessed with focusing my life around him. I have tried exercising, meditating, studying, etc. and I still can't fully alter my train of thought. I have even tried dating again, which was unsuccessful. No contact is SO incredibly hard for me, it feels like I'm battling myself and that he will eventually completely forget about me. He is acting like we never even dated, and I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. I have so many quotes and articles saved on my phone for battling no contact, but it has been unsuccessful each time. It also doesn't help that I'm good friends with his friends, so I hear about him a lot. I feel like my day revolves around getting attention from him, and everything I do, I do it because I know he might see me/see what I post. If anyone has been in a similar position, please tell me what you did and how things are now. Also I would appreciate if anyone has advice on how to stay strong and get this guy out of my mind.
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