Ayitsme222 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 I don’t make waves...I don’t speak out...and I definitely hate looking weak... I’ve been reflecting on my life, and lately I haven’t felt like I have any purpose to live. I pretend I am happy. I always try to stay positive and look for better days ahead. But some days are worse than others. It’s a battle everyday against myself. Some days I feel like I am not going to win this battle. Lately I have been depressed to the point where I don’t want to get out of bed. I wake up around 2 in the afternoon. And I just sit in my room. I struggle to do easy tasks . I can’t even shower without talking myself Into it. I use to do makeup and try to look pretty. Now I don’t even do my hair and my eyes look sunk in. What’s sad about this all is I feel so alone. My best friend even stopped keeping in contact with me. She went off to college. My parents don’t even talk to me or check up on me. I live with my sister and she locks herself in her room. I feel like no one is here. I’m all alone in this world. I know it’s far fetched but every day feels like a chore just to get out of bed. Some days I eat too much, some days i don’t eat enough. I struggle to even write this post because no one knows the demons I face every day. I’m the person that wants to help people. I always helped people get out of depression. People would never believe that I deal with it on a daily. I’m just scared one day, depression is going to win. I am at war with myself every day. I guess I write this , so I know that I am not alone. I hope those who are facing depression don’t give up. It’s one hell of a battle everyday for me, but I’m fighting for my life. I want everyone else to know they aren’t going through this alone, and I know I am not the only one. I just need some words of encouragement. Or others to vent on this thread as well. I love life and never thought I would ever think about suicide, but depression can be something that can take over your life. I’m just in a dark place in my life. I just ask you to write a story . Or just remind me how beautiful life is, and how much is has to offer. I can reflect on these things, and maybe it will give me purpose in life again. Maybe I will find the courage to get out of my bed and do something productive. Yes I am still in college, yes I am still trying to keep my grades up. But as time goes by, even something I love and have passion towards, I don’t even find interesting anymore. This is Depression. This is my life now. Link to comment
Carus Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 I tried it numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as Hollywood would have you believe.... These days I have days where I'm glad it didn't work and that keeps me going* Why would you say you are suicidal...? What is it that is making you have those thoughts....? Carus* Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Well, whenever life sucks, it's just temporary. You never know what's behind a corner and what you could miss on to. I understand that sometimes things look like they have been sucking for forever, but it's just your mind playing with you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Replied in that thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=558291&p=7110729&viewfull=1#post7110729Earlier I posted a thread... Link to comment
Billie28 Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 You are not suicidal. If you were you wouldn’t post here , you would post on a different site. So yay for you! What you are seeking from here is not words to talk you out of suicidal thoughts but words of comfort. Why? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 There are many beautiful things in life. Time spent with my mother and her pooch, spending time with friends, traveling to other countries, learning new things etc.... I lost most of my small family, it is just my mother and I- brother died in 2010 and father four years later. I could have given up, but knew I had to go on. Consider how your family and friends would feel f they lost you. Everything is temporary when it comes to painful events. They can be overcome. Have you sought out a therapist? Quite a few responded to your post. Can't you find it? Link to comment
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