Moving on - bumps in the road.

I have posted about a break up which is now over 5 months ago. I am in a good place, things are very good for me. I feel like I'm over the break up but there was a complication that has caused some recent upset. The ex and I shared a common interest and we were in a group (running club). All the friends in this group were mutual friends.

I decided for my own well-being to stop going to this club for the time being. I returned to the group in June (break up was February) for a one of fun race where I knew he wouldn't be attending. Lots of the friends asked me of course about him and mentioned him but I handled it well. I felt better, like I could attend these one off events and could find some where he wasn't there until I felt able to attend.

Me going to this event was passed on to him and sparked him getting in touch on the club email forum. The club has a forum much like this one and I have an account on there. I blocked him on all portals but forgot that one!

The first message was the 'how are you?' I hope we can be polite at events type message, which was fine. I responded that there was no bad feeling and I'd see him sometime in future if I went to the same event. This was in July.

In late July/August he got in touch again this time I think to make conversation. He was friendly, and told me about his holiday. I didn't understand what he wanted from this and I was polite but after I admit I was a bit confused, what did he want? Why does he want to tell me about his holiday? I decided to not reply to continue the conversation so not to prolong it but was polite and ended with a joke. I felt confused though and it 'disturbed' me - this conversation.

In August the same again, a 'friendly, banner type' conversation was initiated by him. It left me confused, thinking 'what does he want?'.

I made the big mistake of looking at his Facebook page in August after 5 months of not looking. He is not a fb friend, but I unblocked him in August and looked at his cover page and profile pictures which were public. On these pages which he made public there was mention of ' his last girlfriend being uptight' and how 'he needed a good night out after all the **** he had to put up with' and more recently since the unblocking how 'he thought he had the right one last year' followed by all his fb friends saying things like 'you are better off', 'her loss' (people who don't know me).

I don't know but am I wrong to feel fed up about all this public comment. I'm very private and have said nothing to anyone who knows him about things. I just thought you can say these things on your page why make the posts so public?

It put me in a bad mood and I really regretted looking!

Anyway I made a major mistake because I was in a bad place emotionally after reading all this of contacting him saying that 'classy people don't go public' ...yes I know terrible mistake!! I also sent this at 1am in the morning via text. I woke up to a nasty message on my phone. I replied saying that I was sorry, not in a good place at the time and it wouldn't happen again and what he said on his pages was his affair of course. I also said I hoped we could forgive and forget and be polite at events. I then blocked him on ALL portals.

I feel better today. I'm forgiven myself, I'm only human. I know I was doing well and this is just a little set back.

Hi! I'm happy you're sharing this with us.

First of, I can imagine that the breakup were awful. I'm an 19 year old guy from Norway who has ended up in the friendzone a couple of times, but I've never been into a breakup myself. It takes time to move on, due to all the feelings you are ending up with. It's a good thing that you made made it after all. Well done.

I do understand the way you feel. I really do. People have different filters when it comes to choosing which things that should be shared with the public and not. I know a few people who did the same thing as he did, and to be honest: I understand the way they feel as well. The major of the people who post this on their pages, are feeling depressed and want as many persons as possible to know about how they feel. It is their way to heal after the breakup.

Personally, I find it respectless upon the other part to share information about a breakup, and I would react the same way as you if it happened to me. You were the strongest one mentally after this

breakup, and I can imagine that you feel humbly when you are being "punished" this way.

My suggestion is to talk with him (face to face) about it. Tell you the way you feel about what he has done, and try to figure it all out during that conversation. Make space for him in the conversation, and be open for potential questions he may ask. Remember, he has been upset and hurt after the breakup, but it seems like he is over it as well, as he was initiating a conversation with you.

I wish you the best of luck!

Sometimes, I think guys need to know that they're still desirable and maybe that's why he was reaching out. It's also possible that he was testing the waters because he missed you. Depending on my mood, I choose the thought that makes me feel the best about myself.

But I think when you truly care for someone, you try to protect their feelings and wouldn't say such mean things about them publicly. And even if he was stupid enough to do that, I would hope he'd have enough maturity to have responded with an apology and taken those posts down. You did the right thing by blocking him.

Anyway, kudos to you for taking the high road! I hope you continue to feel better.

I do not recommend you meet up with him to discuss. No reason for that at all.

From above:

"I made the big mistake of looking at his Facebook page in August after 5 months of not looking. He is not a fb friend, but I unblocked him in August and looked at his cover page and profile pictures which were public. On these pages which he made public there was mention of ' his last girlfriend being uptight' and how 'he needed a good night out after all the **** he had to put up with' and more recently since the unblocking how 'he thought he had the right one last year' followed by all his fb friends saying things like 'you are better off', 'her loss' (people who don't know me)."

From your post of 4/14/18:

"I took a look 3 months on and saw that he had posted pictures of him with another woman and put comments like 'great company on today' and a winking face. Then a friend of his had written 'You are smiling again this is great, it must have been the company' and another winking face. Call me paranoid and I know I shouldn't be bothered but it feels like he is trying to speak to me directly."

Did you forget that you'd looked before? What benefit do you think you may be getting from looking at his FB page (probably not something you're consciously aware of)?

Good for you for blocking him completely. Do you think your curiosity can be kept in check so you aren't tempted again?

Impulse control during a breakup is VITAL.

Thanks everyone such great advice and nice to know people relate.

I totally regret looking at his FB page, I thought I'd be okay with it and I didn't expect all the public posting.

Funny AutumnBorn you mention pictures of other women and comments like 'great to see you smiling again' there were public posts like that too on his fb cover page. I did feel as if he was trying to communicate to me because why would you make them public if not?

I think it was to see if I look at his fb page and it is like bait, he wants a reaction.

I won't make this mistake again. I lost respect for him over his fb public postings and if I was in any doubt about dumping him this totally confirmed I made the right choice!

I am going to stay strong, keep him blocked forever!

Thanks everyone such great advice and nice to know people relate.

 

I totally regret looking at his FB page, I thought I'd be okay with it and I didn't expect all the public posting.

 

Funny AutumnBorn you mention pictures of other women and comments like 'great to see you smiling again' there were public posts like that too on his fb cover page. I did feel as if he was trying to communicate to me because why would you make them public if not?

 

I think it was to see if I look at his fb page and it is like bait, he wants a reaction.

 

I won't make this mistake again. I lost respect for him over his fb public postings and if I was in any doubt about dumping him this totally confirmed I made the right choice!

 

I am going to stay strong, keep him blocked forever!

Good for you for staying strong.

Take the high road though and be honest with yourself so you don't do this again after time passes like you already did.

You lost respect for him, but you were the one who snooped knowing full well he airs his dirty laundry, saw stuff and then went and attacked him for it. You gave him all the fuel he needs to not respect you. And trust me he may not have made a post about the events public but he is talking about how his his crazy ex won't leave him alone. That's what some people do, especially young people. It's petty drama and the only way to not fall for the trap again, cause you have before. Is stop looking.

Be honest with yourself about where you are in the healing process. 'You thought you would be ok if you looked' is the most illogical reason to look at an exes social media. The truth is when you truly are ok to look, you won't care to look anyway because you're indifferent.

Stay strong keep him blocked. No more excuses. I always ay the person you married isn't the person you divorce well the person you're in a relationship with isn't the person you break up with. People have a hard time with that one especially if they aren't over a relationship because for whatever reason they're expecting this person who is no longer tied to them to treat them with kindness and kid gloves. That's not how the world works.

Can you Google it?

Hi All,There was someone who posted a link to a very useful podcast it was called 'mean woman advice' and it was brilliant. I went out and shut down my computer and now can't find it, if anyone knows the link I'd be grateful and if there are any other useful podcasts to help with healing.

Yes I couldn't find it by Googling.

I found it! I think they are brilliant.

https://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/mean-lady-talking-podcast-episodes/

Thanks for all the advice. I have asked myself why I looked and why it bothered me. I have also beaten myself up for looking and contacting him only to get verbal abuse back. I had to move on from that and forgive myself. He is blocked and I have a countdown everyday I tick off a day I didn't look and I know it will get easier.

I don't know why I was tempted to look. I'm been asking myself what I expected to see. I have found breaking up with social media very difficult and have deleted my WhatsApp, Twitter, and don't use Facebook. It is hard because I'm self employed and use them for business promotion. My work involves sitting at home in front of a computer which is not good for being tempted to look.

I have now achieved 4 days without looking at any social media and feel so much better. I recommend it.

It's been