Strangers over friends?

Anyone who can relate? This is driving me crazy. I wonder if I'm lacking the ability to maintain friendships or something?

When I'm out in our capital city, somehow I always get engaged in conversations with strangers. I don't even know how this happens as it just goes naturally. My guess is that theres some sort of sign hovering above my head saying "local guide". They often ask me for directions or something and all of a sudden we are sharing our secrets or we are having a very personal conversation.

The weird part is that I could never have such deep conversations with my friends or family members. There have been a couple of times where I even asked for a phone number after talking to a woman I kind of liked, or a guy who had a lot in common. They would give it to me and tell me how excited they are for our next meeting. Great, right? Well, not at all!

As soon as we sort of become friends and either one of us has to schedule our next meeting the excitement is gone and I just don't know what to say anymore...

The **** am I missing here?!

Just like anything else having mystery is exciting....then the novelty wears off when it's over.

Well that seems to be exactly what's happening. Perhaps it would be better to stay in that mystery for as long as possible rather than giving it all away at once...

Just because you share secrets and have a personal conversation with someone doesn't mean you become friends. Been their done that and I feel like crap after. I have decided that not everyone I meet has earned the right to hear my personal stories so I keep my cards close to my chest these days.

You need to have something in common with people to form a friendship and I find even that doesn't always work. Making real friends is very hard and you are not alone in the way you feel.

Thank you! I just don't understand why that is...

The crazy part is that all these people I have talked to seem to open up just as easily as I do, as long as I open up first. I mean everyone seems to be waiting for somebody else to start something. Is it because we are afraid to share? Afraid of getting hurt? Even if we find someone who's worth it, like a lover, that person will eventually hurt you too more than once. What's the actual difference?

As a kid we would instantly become friends with people we meet. We would open up about anything and we were honest. Then somebody told us we were "too honest", too this or too that... so we adjusted and we became more and more distant.

I often doubt myself though. Is it just me or everybody else who's crazy?

You can be whoever you want with random strangers. Real people know the real you.

I always get engaged in conversations with strangers. They often ask me for directions or something and all of a sudden we are sharing our secrets or we are having a very personal conversation. The weird part is that I could never have such deep conversations with my friends or family members.

Not all kids open up right away. But sometimes grownups expect them to. Like grownups who ask my son personal questions they’d never ask an adult stranger. So kids get mixed messages sometimes. I was too open about personal stuff as a child and after and now I realize it’s because I wanted approval I guess. I’ve traveled somecsnd had those kinds of conversations while waiting in line etc. In one case I’ve been in touch with the person for over 7 years. I met her at a restaurant. She was dining alone and I was with my toddler who was chowing down on sweet potatoes which was the ice breaker. Over the years we’ve met at least one other time, I’ve referred her to people to help with her business and if we were in the same city again I fully expect we’d try to meet. She’s a really interesting person ! So yes it can persist and it’s easier with technology - we live in different countries.

I also am a tourist magnet and stranger magnet. Maybe I have an approachable face/demeanor and since I am petite I appear harmless? I’d just accept that this is just your things - no big deal.

I also am a tourist magnet and stranger magnet. Maybe I have an approachable face/demeanor and since I am petite I appear harmless? I’d just accept that this is just your things - no big deal.

I guess you're right. I'm also smaller than average and there have been a lot of people telling me I look harmless. I have made some bad decissions and whenever I tell people about them they say they wouldn't expect me to have such history. We probably just look approachable, I'm just gonna stick with that for now...

Too much too soon burns out potential relationships. Same is true of dating. It's exciting to meet new people, but don't overshare. Don't get caught up in blurting all of your secrets, but rather pace yourself and make it less about purging, more about being curious enough to get to know people over time.

I've found it helpful to accept that most people are simply not a great match. This isn't cynical, it's just the odds. With friendships we can focus in on one or two common bonds and build an acquaintanceship around those things instead of dumping people whenever they don't make the perfect confidant. As adults we learn to respect the limits of others and cultivate different kinds and degrees of friends to meet different needs.

Head high, and enjOy.

Most people would rather confide in strangers because they feel they won't be judged, there is no known history and you'll never see them again. This is also the concept of confession and therapy.

Family and friends know where the bodies are buried so you can't just reveal your own rendition of stories.

Therapy would be a good option if you want to confide in a nonjudgmental and confidential but therapeutic situation.

I have made some bad decissions and whenever I tell people about them they say they wouldn't expect me to have such history.