Overly sad about six month relationship breakup

Yesterday, my now ex boyfriend (32) of six months ended things with me (23). I know it’s a short time period, but we spent a lot of time together in those six months. I distracted myself with friends all day yesterday but I dreaded the night, where I could not sleep and woke feeling like pain hit even harder.

The relationship wasn’t very good after the first three months. I always felt like there was something wrong. He was too quiet for me and never wanted to do the things I wanted. He also had some major communication problems and I never felt a partnership - I mentioned a week ago how I felt like he never talked about the future with me so I think he took that comment seriously. It got to the point where we just fought a lot. I know this ending it is for the best, and I was definitely being selfish wanting to prolong it. I wanted to prolong it and made a lot of excuses for his problems because he was the first guy I ever dated that had a good job and his life together, so I guess that made me attached and more attracted to him.

The way he ended things made me feel like I was nothing to him. I felt like things were going to end for about a week, but he kept putting it off because he was dreading it he said.

When I got to his house yesterday after not hearing from him for hours after he said he would pick me up, he was sitting down in his backyard and he told me to sit, right then I knew he’d end things. I acted irrationally because I was upset, and I went in his house and it was super clean and all my stuff was packed up in a garbage bag in the basement. I had a feeling he was already talking to someone new and had a date on Saturday night, since his house was clean and he was dressed nice. This is what really stings.

He kept telling me how we weren’t compatible. I know this, and like I said, I was selfish to not want to end it. He drove me home, we talked some more and he just drove off, like I was nothing. He is probably dating someone new, and he has a history of moving on quickly because he “doesn’t like being single.”

I feel terrible, but I also feel like I shouldn’t be this upset over a six month relationship and especially one that I knew would eventually end. I have been dreading the night and the morning so much, I hardly slept and afraid to get more sleep because I hate walking up sad.

I really don’t think it is the person I am upset over, but the routines we had and the things we would do that I am sad about. Also sad that he has most likely found someone else and isn’t taking it as hard as I am, despite him saying he does care for me and is sad. Thoughts keep hitting me, like I will never sleep in his bed again, or we will never cook dinner again, and that’s what is hurting the most, not so much what I will miss about the person. The way he just drove away and packed up my stuff like I never existed is hurting me too. I’ve got this terrible feeling in my stomach and my mind won’t shut off. Any advice would really help.

TLDR: overly upset and sad over six month relationship that I knew was going downhill. Was selfishly staying in it for the wrong reasons, but overly sad with how he ended things and that he has moved on.

It doesn't sound like you're "overly upset" to me. Feeling the way you do is part of the natural grieving process. You lost a relationship that was important to you. Just because you have the perception that he doesn't care, doesn't mean you shouldn't care. Show yourself some compassion. It will go a long way towards your healing.

Also, to me it sounds like your jumping to a lot of conclusions about him already being in the dating pool again. Simply having a clean house and clean clothes does not necessarily indicate he has a date. Regardless of whether he is dating or not, though, it's time to take the focus off of him and put it back on you. It will be difficult to rediscover life without him, but it is the next step you need to take to be happy again. Make sure you cut contact, and it really is best to remove the social media ties as well. It won't do you any good to obsess over any women that may come into the picture.

Next time, don't stick around just because he has a decent job. It sounds like this should have been done at the 3 month mark.

You will find other men who have it together, and will be more compatible.

Good luck.

Yeah, he did you a favor. You're too young for him, you were fighting a lot for a six-month relationship, and you probably showed too much clingy-ness for him. Forget him and move on.

 

The way he just drove away and packed up my stuff like I never existed is hurting me too. I’ve got this terrible feeling in my stomach and my mind won’t shut off.

Oh sweetie, everyone who's ever been dumped feels like this. I don't think he would have stayed with you six months, if you meant "nothing" to him.

Also, if you meant nothing to him, he would have just ghosted you and donated or your things to Good Will or something. He definitely would not have "sat you down" and ended it properly the way he did, especially knowing it would likely be an emotional conversation (which it was).

Men who don't care don't want to deal with any of that, so yeah I think you meant something to him and I also believe he is sad about the breakup. Perhaps not as sad as you, as he is the one who ended it, but sad in his own way.

You said yourself the RL wasn't working for a very long time, if ever really, he was just the one who said it first.

Re packing your things for you, I see nothing wrong with this. There is no rule that says a man can't pack up his girlfriend's things for her prior to breaking up with her; that is ridiculous and who the hell cares if he left them in his hallway or in the basement? Please stop reading too much into that, it's irrelevant.

No one can say if he had met someone else, but even if he had, so what? Can you say with all honesty that had you been the one who met someone else, you wouldn't have been the one to end it first? The RL wasn't working, and in time, you would have eventually met someone else who was a better fit, and ended it.

Break ups suck, there is no way getting around that. You can either see him as some sort of "loser" or you can treasure the good memories, and move forward positively, having learned something from the RL, no matter how short it was, and take what you've learned with you into your next RL.

Personally I think he did you a favor, as now, once you move past this (which you will!), you will be open to meeting a man who is a better fit with whom you can have a happy more positive RL!

All that said, I'm sorry you're hurting, been there/done that (we all have) and best of luck moving forward!

((hugs))

Thanks for the adivce. He has a new girlfriend. Im sure he had her lined up before he ended things with me, it kind of felt that way. A big reason we broke up was because i always wanted to go out and do fun things. Now he told me that he went to the beach and hiking with her, and already has a roadtrip planned with her. I dont understand why he didnt want to do that with me. I told him our relationship needed that, but he told me he just liked to stay at home.

Thank you, i was feeling good today about everything.. then he told me this. Now im starting to think i wont find someone like him. He had some good qualities. I guess i am having a rough spell after feeling better. He had a really good job and driven and had his life together. It feels like i wont be able to get a guy as hard working as him ☹️

Thanks for the adivce. He has a new girlfriend. Im sure he had her lined up before he ended things with me, it kind of felt that way. A big reason we broke up was because i always wanted to go out and do fun things. Now he told me that he went to the beach and hiking with her, and already has a roadtrip planned with her. I dont understand why he didnt want to do that with me. I told him our relationship needed that, but he told me he just liked to stay at home.

Why are you still talking to him? Did you call/text or did he?

If he did, and told you this then yeah agree with SG, that is very hurtful, and he sucks. If you did, then stop doing that, block and delete. If you don't, you are only hurting yourself more than you already are (hurt).

You broke up, there is no reason for you to know anything he's doing, nor is there any reason he should know what you're doing.

Bottom line, you weren't a good fit for each other and the RL wasn't working, you admitted it yourself.

I'm sorry you're hurting, cry your tears and then take steps to move forward.