Jump to content

Starseed450

Members
  • Posts

    31
  • Joined

Starseed450's Achievements

Contributor

Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

2

Reputation

  1. I need some advice as lately I feel like an emotional mess and really need to take a step back and figure out my life a little bit. I am 25 years old, female and I have been in quite a few relationships that repeat the exact same pattern. I meet a guy and even though I'm not that interested or attracted to him, I begin a relationship. I have been in a couple of these relationships and I am currently in one right now. I never feel properly "in love" with the guy I am with. It feels very hard to leave and end things as I don't want to hurt my partner who is already invested. Recently, some events have made me realize I need to figure out why I repeat these relationships. For example, I am a lot of the time annoyed with my boyfriend and he is just being himself. I also don't feel attracted to him at all and I find myself internally nit picking at his appearance. We have been dating for 6 months almost and I have never really felt that spark of being in love or excitement. We get along pretty well when we aren't arguing and share interests and humor but I just don't at all feel that sexual attraction and connection. I am always wondering what else is out there. My last relationship was also like this but had its own unique set of issues, that one lasted a year. My first relationships was very unhealthy but lasted four years, and I was crazy about this guy and would do anything to fix things. Since then, I don't think I have been in love but have settled and stayed with people I knew I wasn't meant to be with. I feel like the relationship patterns happen the same way: A guy likes me and pays attention to me and treats me nice and I settle for being with them, I feel unhappy and doubt and question the relationship and then we break up. Instead of blaming my partner I am trying to take a look at myself and figure out why I repeat these patterns and how to stop them. I have anxiety, depression and low self esteem so I am wondering if my poor relationship patterns have something to do with this. I also had a pretty rough childhood with parents who had an unhealthy relationship, any advice is appreciated as my mind right now is such a scrambled mess with thoughts. Thank you.
  2. I started dating him four months ago and we made things official about a month ago. Everything was good, but from the beginning I wasn't really attracted to him. I've had attraction grow in the past for me and he is a really nice guy, so I waited it out and the attraction seemed to grow. Now a month into us being "official" I feel like I am deeply annoyed by everything he does lately. I have just been chalking it up to hormones and PMS but I'm afraid it's going beyond that. I feel annoyed by little things he does, things he says and how he looks some days. This leads to me calling him out for annoying things he doesn't even know he is doing and snapping at him and being a , picking fights and he doesn't deserve that. Because of the pandemic, we have been spending a lot of time together as he is off work and he insists on driving me to work everyday so I don't have to take the bus. This lead to us spending lots of time together after work and him spending the night very often. I am his first relationship at 27 and he also was a virgin until he met me, so I feel like he got a little bit clingy after we had sex for the first time. I brought it up to him that he sort of made it impossible for me to not be his girlfriend. He was treating me so much, taking me out, buying me expensive gifts and obviously trying to "win" me over, but he denies it and says he was just trying to be nice. I think I made a big mistake getting in a relationship with him. I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to end things because I am not sure if hormones and just spending a lot of time together is causing me to feel this way. He lives with his parents and just rented an apartment. He spoke about wanting to move out so I sent him a few apartment rental listings and he ended up signing the lease for one of them and I feel like he wouldn't have if it wasn't for me, and if I break up with him I know he might regret it. He has been so good to me and I have just been a terrible person to him and I am feeling guilty about having thoughts of breaking up with him.
  3. I guess I am feeling pretty depressed because it seems like all my friends are having children or in serious relationships. I am turning 25 in a month and it's like everyone is getting pregnant in the last while and they are all my age or a year older. I feel pretty depressed about it and how it will change my friendships and I know it's selfish. I just got out of a year long relationship and trying to date again. My best friend of many years is trying to get pregnant with a man she hardly knows, just because she s 26 and feels like she is running out of time. I am not sure if he knows she is trying to, but I just can't get over that I will be sort of losing my best friend because we do so many fun "single" girl things together. I want to tell her it might be a bad idea as she hardly knows him and she doesn't have a job right now and lives at home, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Another friend of mine who I was just getting really close with and spending a lot of time with just found out she is having child #2 and is only 22 years old! My ex also just got into a relationship after 3 months of being broken with me and I've only been dating. It seems like all my exes find their perfect relationship after we break up as I have exes who have been with their new partner for years after we broke up. I am feeling all these terrible feelings, like I am going to be alone and I feel jealous for some reason that lots of people I know are having children, and I am just remaining single. I'd like to think I have my life together, I have a pretty good job in the sector I want, have my own apartment, make decent money and can support myself. I'd like to think that is good enough at age 25 compared to some, but I also feel like time is going by way too fast and I will never find what my friends are finding! I would like to have child(ren) one day but I'd like to have a stable relationship with the person I am having a child with. Does anyone else feel this way? I am having so much trouble coping with the depression.
  4. We have been trying to work something out, I will help her find someone new to replace me and I owe her my rent for July until then. She's very upset with me and I don't feel like there is any hope, even though I felt our friendship dying for some time now. She called me a selfish person for doing this. I have been struggling with feeling guilty about doing this to her. I feel like I am a terrible person to do this and I am being very selfish looking out for myself. How do I get over this guilt? I know doing this is the best thing for me, why do I feel so bad about doing what is best for me
  5. She does not plan to get another job right now and just use her savings, and the job isn't an easy replacement.
  6. I am thinking it would be best if she didn't live there and found something cheaper for herself. We could have someone take over the lease for the whole apartment, which is easier than finding a room mate. And she can find an apartment that is much cheaper just for herself so she can at least live off her savings a bit longer. I proposed that to her, but she doesn't want to move again.
  7. In what way do you think she was using me, just curious?
  8. The other problem is that I am tied into a lease (she quit her job RIGHT after I signed the lease). But it can be easily fixed by finding someone new to take it over. I feel so guilty as I have made her really upset. I know I shouldn't feel this guilty for looking out for myself and my best interests. She is very upset with me as she is already moved in and I feel extremely guilty for doing this to her, and for even getting myself into this situation in the first place
  9. She has savings from having sold her property a year ago but that won't last forever if she has no other income
  10. We decided 2 months ago to rent an apartment together. She JUST quit her job and us already moved in. I had no idea she was having problems at this job and I thought that she was happy. Because of her quitting, I have been having EXTREME cold feet. Like I am so torn between decisions. A major reason why I decided to move in with her, aside from wanting a larger place, was because this job was keeping her very stable and in line. We have been somewhat of a toxic influence on each other over the past 2 years we have known each other. Mostly by enabling each other to drink/party too much. Lately, over the last year, things have been very different as I have adapted a better lifestyle and she was working. Now that I am about to move, she quits her job and I am fearing that things are going to go downhill and I am going to fall back into bad habits. I told her my concerns and that I do not want to go through with it. She is very upset, and she should be. But I am willing to help her find someone new to take over my portion of the rent. I am in a super messy situation and I do not know if I am making the wrong choice or not as I may be messing myself over my going back on a commitment. I feel really guilty because I am hurting her and it's a bad thing to do. I am looking out for myself too much. Based on her behavior in the past and how things were when she wasn't working, it does NOT seem like a good idea to be living with her. She DOES have savings but every job she has isn't stable and she never sticks with it, this past job being the longest job she has stuck with at 8 months. I am very torn and any advice is appreciated. I know getting into this decision in the first place was extremely foolish of me and I never should have let it get this far, or I should have weighed all possibilities. I just cannot trust that she won't fall back into bad habits by having no stability and I DO NOT want that to affect my progress I have made on myself.
  11. My friend and I met exactly two years ago and we have been very close ever since. A big problem is that I was in the "partying stage" of my life when I met her (around 22 years old) and she has always had that life so we clicked and had a lot of fun together the past 2 years, but also a lot of toxic behaviours. Lately I have been feeling depressed or in some sort of shift where I don't enjoy certain things I use to, like partying. I don't know if I don't enjoy these things because of depression or if I am truly outgrowing these things. I think it is a bit of both, as I look back at some of the things I did/situations I was in and wonder WHY I wanted to be in those situations. My perspective on many things are changing and I feel like I want to be someone who is classier and not a party girl who glorifies that scene as I did. When I hangout with this friend, we still talk and get along, but I don't feel content. I feel unhappy afterwards usually and I just don't get the same fulfillment out of our friendship. I am noticing little things she does that annoy me, like the way she talks to people sometimes or how pushy she is. I use to think highly of her, as when we met, I was hoping to meet a friend I could have all the experiences of youth you're "supposed" to have since I missed out in high school and college due to social anxiety. Recently, my friend has gotten her life together and is much more serious about her life and her future. We do not go out/party as much and I try to avoid it when she asks me to go out. She has definitely gotten much better and we are no where near where we were in our friendships 1-2 years ago in terms of being bad influences on each other. Which is why I decided to move in with her as we were both looking for apartments. I have lived alone for 2 years in a small apartment and have been craving a bigger space, and she is in a similar situation. For some reason, I decided this would be a good idea: I have been checking out places for months in hopes of finding something bigger and being able to be in the same rent budget as I am now. So with the lease we signed, we would be sharing a two bedroom apartment and paying around what we are now for a much bigger place. I must have been in a really good mood/excited for any kind of change when I signed the lease, but the more I think about it, I don't think it is a good idea. This is especially because I wouldn't want it to ruin what friendship we might have left. Part of me thinks it is a good idea and to embrace a change, but there is also no reason to leave my current apartment, so if it doesn't work out, I will be regretting it. We BOTH are on this lease and she is already moved in and I am moving in in July. After seeing the place again, I realized it isn't as nice as I thought it was either. If I back out now, she would be furious with me and I would be f****** her over. I absolutely should have thought about it more before agreeing. I just felt really excited and wanted any kind of change in life. I am having major cold feet and I don't think I can back out now without there being consequences. I don't know how it might affect our already dying friendship...any advice is appreciated!
  12. Hello everyone and thank you in advance for any advice. I am in need of some unbiased advice/opinions on what I have been going through for the past few months: since this past March, I have felt like I gave been going through some sort of mental crisis, rut, and, at times some sort of mental shift. A bit about me: I am a 23 year old female. I work full time as a manager of a small coffeeshop full time. I have a couple close friendships and I have been with my boyfriend for a year. Since the new year began and as I am approaching 24, I am starting to question a lot of things and past ways of thinking and I think that it has been the cause for some depression. I've definitely felt depressed for the past few months, very up and down with my moods and I have found simple tasks more difficult and way more irritable with people in my life and with my job. Certain things that I use to find exciting and fulfilling for the past couple years have become no fun to me: going out with friends and drinking or just hanging out with certain friends I have I am finding unbearable. l feel awkward and uncomfortable in situations that I use to love and get so much joy from, for example, going to a concert. My biggest concern is that I do not know at all if I am depressed because of the people and things I use to enjoy are actually depressing me, or if I cannot enjoy these things because I am depressed. For most of my life, aside from situations that made me depressed for a few days or at most, a few weeks, I have been generally happy. I would look forward to many things and just be content. I have an overall strong feeling of discontentment that is very uncomfortable. I feel this feeling throughout every day. I don't really get excited about anything the way I use to. I do not feel severely depressed, as I am still able to go about my day and take care of myself by eating and sleeping properly, so if anything, I feel as though I have some sort of high functioning depression. There are also a few situations going on in my life that are all amounting at once: as of July, I will be unemployed as the company I work for is going out of business. I am strongly considering moving in with my friend who I have been very close with for the past couple years to save some money on rent and have a bigger apartment. And I am starting to question mine and my boyfriends relationship. He has been very helpful to me and has helped me with many things in my life and I have become a better person since being with him, but I just do not feel like we will last forever, something is lacking. And again, I am not sure if my depression is making me feel like that or not. It is safe to say I am at a major crossroads in life in terms of what I want to do and where I see myself in the future. I do feel like I am going through some sort of mental shift or I am just growing up and changing as a person. If anyone could give me some insight - if this sounds like depression or like I am just outgrowing old ways of thinking and changing as a person as I cannot tell. How can I get through whatever it is I am going through?
  13. I am unable to move it up unfortunately! I would be giving a two week notice at my current job still since they're not closing until June.. so I might have it before the start date, but they would see on my license that, at the time of the initial application, I didn't have it.
  14. I got myself into a bit of a weird situation. The company I work for is closing soon so I am avidly seeking new employment. I applied for a job that requires I have a driver license, which I do, just the beginner one, not the level of license they are looking for. Before I applied for this job, I had my G2 (license in Canada where you're allowed to drive on your own - the test is a road test) booked for a few weeks from now. I currently have my G1 learner permit class. It must have listed this requirement somewhere in the job posting, but I missed it as I was really excited about meeting almost all the requirements and applied right away. I had my first phone interview with the company yesterday where she asked me if I held this class of license. The interview was going so well, and I panicked and just said yes - I know I should have said I will be doing the road test in a few weeks. Today I had another phone interview and got an in person interview for next week. I will have my G2 license in 3 weeks, and I am sure the interview process would be well over by then. I don't know how to go about this. I don't know if I should e-mail the interviewer and tell her that I misspoke or something and will be getting this license. I know they would find out because I am sure they would ask to look at my license if I got hired as the job involves some regular driving. Any idea how I should let them know I will be getting this license, and do you think it will hurt my chances of continuing the interview process?
  15. I work as a barista in a small coffee shop. I enjoy what I do, know most of my customers and they all tip very well. One of my regular male customers came in today and handed me an envelope with 100 dollars in it and insisted I keep it as a gift. I was hesitant at first. He told me that he had come into some money and wanted to do a nice gesture as I am always kind to him. He mentioned how he believes in karma and is doing this gesture expecting nothing in return. I was very reluctant, but I did end up accepting. I can't help but feel weird about accepting it for some reason. I have gotten good tips from customers in the past, 10, 20 dollars at most. I guess I feel odd about it, because he told me I was beautiful in the past, not in a creepy way, just casual I guess. I know I probably shouldn't have accepting it since I am having these doubts, it is just very hard to tell if he is being genuine. Am I overthinking the situation?
×
×
  • Create New...