Text mistake or is she over reacting?

Hello everyone,

So, met this girl at a party and we exchanged numbers. We went on two dates in consecutive weeks. She was really into me, I was into her and we had a really great time. We hooked up.

The day after our second date she sarted texting me saying she was at a very cool pub and was kind of hinting that I should come and see her. I already had plans that night with my friends and I was going to reply her that but before I even had the chance, she started to ask me to come with her on a weekend trip for a retreat. She had told me about this trip on our date but I felt it was too soon for this kind of thing and I already had plans for the weekend. So I told her I couldn't make it that weekend but wished she had fun and we would talk when she got back. I was flirty and nice when replying, but denied the invitation. Then she went really cold on me, her reply was like "ok".

I felt that was weird but did not do anything afterwards. The next day she sent me a photo of the place she was saying that it had a very nice view. I engaged in the conversation, made a nice comment about the view and asked if she was enjoying it. She (kind of cold and on the following day) replied me that she was really enjoying it. I texted back saying that I was glad and that she should tell me how the trip went In person. Then I made a joke about something I was up to that day that had something to do with a conversation we had. She didn't replied at all. Now, ever since we met I got the feeling that she was into me and I never had to "game" her with texting. Just say hi and a couple message later ask her out.

Do you think I made some kind of mistake when I replied that I couldn't make it? Or it is her that is over reacting?

I like her and wish we could keep on going out. Something I could do?

Thanks!

Why don't you ask her out when she comes back? Take her some place nice where you can sit and talk. I agree that going away for a weekend was a bit early after only 2 weeks.

 

The day after our second date she started texting me saying she was at a very cool pub and was kind of hinting that I should come and see her. I already had plans that night with my friends and I was going to reply her that but before I even had the chance, she started to ask me to come with her on a weekend trip for a retreat. She had told me about this trip on our date but I felt it was too soon for this kind of thing and I already had plans for the weekend. So I told her I couldn't make it that weekend but wished she had fun and we would talk when she got back. I was flirty and nice when replying, but denied the invitation. Then she went really cold on me, her reply was like "ok".

 

The next day she sent me a photo of the place she was saying that it had a very nice view. I engaged in the conversation, made a nice comment about the view and asked if she was enjoying it. She (kind of cold and on the following day) replied me that she was really enjoying it.

 

I texted back saying that I was glad and that she should tell me how the trip went In person. Then I made a joke about something I was up to that day that had something to do with a conversation we had. She didn't replied at all. Now, ever since we met I got the feeling that she was into me and I never had to "game" her with texting. Just say hi and a couple message later ask her out.

 

Do you think I made some kind of mistake when I replied that I couldn't make it? Or it is her that is over reacting?

 

IMO, yes she was over-reacting.

IF, after only two dates, you declined a weekend getaway because you had made other plans previously (which is perfectly reasonable), and want to take things slower, and she got so bent that now she's gone cold on you causing you to question yourself and your own reactions, this is a girl who is extremely high-maintenance, takes things much too personally, and you can look forward to more of the same should you continue dating her (walking on eggshells so as to not upset her)

I could understand if you were being an a-hole, but that wasn't the case, you continued being flirty and told her you'd see her when she returns. Short of dropping your previous plans, not sure what else she expected you to do.

No you did not make a "mistake," your reactions were perfectly reasonable given you only had TWO dates.

I think you might be overreacting.

She asked you out a couple times and though you declined, you made sure to follow up with comments about still wanting to either hear from her or see her.

You started this off by assuming it was moving a little too fast/too soon and now that you've managed to dial back the pace - you think she's not interested?

She's on a trip. Assume she's still interested but busy.

Relax

IMO, yes she was over-reacting.

 

IF, after only two dates, you declined a weekend getaway because you had made other plans previously (which is perfectly reasonable), and want to take things slower, and she got so bent that now she's gone cold on you causing you to question yourself and your own reactions, this is a girl who is extremely high-maintenance, takes things much too personally, and you can look forward to more of the same should you continue dating her (walking on eggshells so as to not upset her)

 

I could understand if you were being an a-hole, but that wasn't the case, you continued being flirty and told her you'd see her when she returns. Short of dropping your previous plans, not sure what else she expected you to do.

 

No you did not make a "mistake," your reactions were perfectly reasonable given you only had TWO dates.

I kinda of thought that there might be a red flag right there! I felt really weird and to be honest at the same time I kind of doubted that what was happening was indeed happening. I didn't give her any reasons for not being able to make it because after two dates I didn't think I had to. Just stated I couldn't and stated that I wanted to see her when she got back. I kind of felt like I could be an a-hole right here, but my gut says otherwise.

But I have to say that I think that I might be overreacting as well. I agree with reinventmyself, she could just have understood that I was dialing back the pace and what appeared to be a cold was just her way to "agree". But she is back from the trip (as far as I am concerned it was just a weekend thing) and haven't got in touch with me.

So I don't know. I kind of wanted to find out what is going on because on those first two dates I had a great time. I am just feeling a bit confused about the whole thing.

Thanks for the replies.

Fair enough; if you feel she's worth it, shoot her a text asking her how her trip was, tell her you'd like to see her and make a plan to meet.

If she ignores that, or declines (and doesn't offer alternative day) or is otherwise cold in her responses, then move on.

While some uncertainty is a given in these early stages, it's way too early for you to be questioning yourself and your own reactions like this.

Best of luck, I hope it works out!

I wouldn't bring up her being cold or behaving differently, if that's what you perceive. Texts commonly can be mistaken to be cold and it gets weird when people react to when you're just being chill about things. It feels like you're starting drama from overanalyzing the conversations, despite this not being your intention.

I remember the first few date-days where guys would do this to me sometimes when I was just not in the mood to text and then they freaked out. It was offputting. We all have a life and are not glued to the phone, trying to keep an entertaining conversation going all the time. I leave that for in person meets, as I don't believe texts should be the main source of communication, just a short, less meaningful one.

Again, I wouldn't overanalyze this. Relax.

I agree with yatsue, even though you may perceive she's being cold (frankly from what you had written, so did I), really bad idea to call her out on this. Not that you said you would, only that it's a bad idea if you were considering doing so.

Best to keep all anxieties and uncertainties to yourself (in these very early stages) and continue to gauge her actions and responses.

Don't ignore gut feelings, if you feel something is "off" then pay attention to that and respond accordingly. If it means walking away, then that's okay too.

I never stated that I would call her out. I just wanted to vent and check for others opinions.

And I never really spent a lot of time texting her. As I stated, I texted her and after 2 messages I would ask her out and there you go. We went on dates, which is the whole purpose. It is just that she seemed to get cold after I declined her initation. Before she was blowing my phone up with invitations. And then she was the one who started texting again and not replying like 2 texts later. I wasn't trying to have a meaningful conversation, just leading to the point where I would ask her out again, like 1 or 2 texts later! Exactly as I was doing before.

I am much better now with the advice that I didn't do something wrong and I am willing to give it a try since I enjoyed going out with her.

Thanks for the answers!