Wife emailing and snapchatting another man

IÂ’m mostly just needing to vent because IÂ’m trying to work through this and not hurt our reputation and have people talk, so thank you for this.

I bought my wife and I new iPhones the other day and Sunday before church I was transferring her contacts from her old phone to her new phone via email. Well to have the file available quicker I went into the sent messages on her new phone and saw sexual messages to a guy. I kept my cool through church and the past couple days. She can tell IÂ’m upset but doesnÂ’t really know why.

I love my wife more than anything and I know to bring this up is going to be painful for both of us. I have the other guys email and did research and he lives a few states away and is married. IÂ’ve thought of reaching out to him to ask him to please stop messaging my wife and just hoping for the best but I know I still have to confront my wife with this. IÂ’m just in a suspended state if you will with what to do and how to do it.

Thank you

I'm sorry you are going through this. You do need to face the fact that your wife is having an emotional affair and you don't know if they've met and been physical as well.

DO NOT contact the other guy. He isn't your problem, your wife is. Contacting him you'll make a fool of yourself and please understand that he already doesn't give a fck about you and your marriage. He is married and cheating himself and a total nonentity in this. If not him, it will be someone else. You have to confront the source of the problem - your wife. The way you confront her is directly and point blank. Print out the texts, put them in front of her. This way you'll save yourself a lot of grief and frustration in terms of her trying to lie and deny. Also, be prepared for tears, aggression, blame shifting, trying to make you out to be the problem, basically a total mind fck. Do not expect a cheater to be honest with you about anything. Expect a defensive attack on yourself. Expect her to play victim. Having said that, please understand that it is NOT your fault she is cheating. Period. No and's but's or exceptions to this.

Before you confront her, I'd advise you to think and know what outcome you are looking for. Stay married, leave, etc. If you want to work things out, demand marital counseling and stand firm on it. Also, do not get into gritty details of all that she has done because it will haunt you and make forgiveness and reconciliation difficult if not impossible. Can you forgive cheating - think on that for real and don't just respond with your gut reaction that you want to save your marriage no matter what. If you decide that you want her out of your life, consult with a lawyer on what your rights are. Not saying you have to decide to divorce right now, but that you need to know where you stand and how to go about things should you decide to proceed.

Your thread is difficult to read. For example, what is the meaning of these words, " IÂ’m?"

Sorry this is going on. It sounds hurtful. However bite the bullet and talk about this. Without that you won't get to the root cause. Her doing this is a symptom you need to pay attention to. Perhaps explore this in the presence of a marriage counselor because where's there's smoke, there's fire.

on her new phone and saw sexual messages to a guy.

Your thread is difficult to read. For example, what is the meaning of these words, " IÂ’m?"

I find every now and the the site glitches and puts those A’s instead of characters (I.e. ‘,.”-/ and so on). Here I’m assuming it’s “I’m” glitching.

Thank you for the reply’s and advice.

I’ve been sitting on This the past few days. Coming to terms and processing everything so I have a level head when I confront her. I know that somehow deep down when I confront her it’s going to hurt me just to see her hurt (if she is). Call me weak, I know but I can’t help but feel that way. She is my best friend and I just feel so betrayed and alone. She can tell something is off and must have some sort of clue about why.

I’m certain I want to save the marriage, still trying to figure out how and if it’s the right move

Again, thank you.

Thank you for the reply’s and advice.

 

I’ve been sitting on This the past few days. Coming to terms and processing everything so I have a level head when I confront her. I know that somehow deep down when I confront her it’s going to hurt me just to see her hurt (if she is). Call me weak, I know but I can’t help but feel that way. She is my best friend and I just feel so betrayed and alone. She can tell something is off and must have some sort of clue about why.

 

I’m certain I want to save the marriage, still trying to figure out how and if it’s the right move

 

Again, thank you.

I think you should just sit down and talk with her.

Tell her that while transferring her contacts, messages popped up that upset you --

and tell her what they were.

And then let her talk.

I’m certain I want to save the marriage, still trying to figure out how and if it’s the right move

You can't save your marriage by keeping it to yourself. Do you know for sure these are recent and not before you met, etc?

I honestly think that you should just talk to your wife. If she is truly your best friend, its the right thing to do.

You’re right I have to talk to her. And yes the messages were dated just this March and I’m sure there are more recent things happening on Snapchat but I cannot confirm that.

Her brother is getting married Friday and her and I are going on a weekend trip with her parents and family for it starting tomorrow. I’ve been trying to hold off until after that to save the stress of the wedding. not sure if that’s the right thing to do but I just don’t want to ruin anyone else time away and celebration with her our own marital problems.

But I’ve been cheated on before by previPlus girlfriends in the past and can feel myself going through the different stages right now so I’m trying to let that pass so I’m not talking with emotion and can control the conversation instead of reacting To it.

Is waiting until after the wedding a bad idea?

Also “abitbroken” how you described I tell her is exactly what I planned to do.

You’re right I have to talk to her. And yes the messages were dated just this March and I’m sure there are more recent things happening on Snapchat but I cannot confirm that.

 

Her brother is getting married Friday and her and I are going on a weekend trip with her parents and family for it starting tomorrow. I’ve been trying to hold off until after that to save the stress of the wedding. not sure if that’s the right thing to do but I just don’t want to ruin anyone else time away and celebration with her our own marital problems.

 

But I’ve been cheated on before by previPlus girlfriends in the past and can feel myself going through the different stages right now so I’m trying to let that pass so I’m not talking with emotion and can control the conversation instead of reacting To it.

 

Is waiting until after the wedding a bad idea?

I would not say anything in front of family if you are all traveling together. If it were a friend's wedding, i would take the opportunity being away from home to talk about it one evening, but i think that traveling with the whole family and because its the brother's wedding, i would not talk about it --- alcohol alters things if you both drink at special occasions, etc. And there is a possibility that if she reacts a certain way, she could end up venting to relatives or friends.

I think i would say something before you leave as in tonight or when you come back -- i would make it a night where you have caught your breath (not still with family, have already had a good night's sleep once you were home, etc.)

See what other's say.