I feel my boyfriend is losing interest in us

Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for 9 months now, and we met at our workplace. The relationship was going great and we had a few couple quarrels but we got through it. His friend who also works with us made some comments about our relationship back in November of 2017, and I found out about these comments a month later on his phone, and there were comments like “I’m laughing at how miserable your life is” “bros before hoes” and he says he said it as a joke but he advised my boyfriend to sleep with another girl. I confronted his friend just last month as I didn’t feel ready to speak to him about the situation and I was going to forget it but it kept eating my insides and it was something to be said. so long story short, he apologised and it was okay with me and my boyfriends friend. However just yesterday all three of us were doing a night shift and when we were on lunch my boyfriend sent him a text from across the room and when he recieved the message he glanced at me then my boyfriend and said “why are you texting this why not just say it instead to me?” And I asked my partner what did he send him as I was a little paranoid in case he said something about me and he was avoiding it and I kept asking but I received no answer so finally I told him I was going to the bathroom and if those two wanted to talk about me I’ll leave them to it then for the rest of the night we did not talk however I overheard him and his friend talking about the time they went to a theme park and stayed there but be mindful this was before me and him met and they went with two girls and his friend was talking about how the girl was trying to seduce him and they were laughing and then my boyfriend made a comment and said “those were the good old days”, and now that makes me feel like I’m maybe a nuisance and he misses his single life and I was so upset I was thinking of telling him if that’s what we wants and doesn’t want a relationship then I won’t stop him but I left it and waited until we finished.

When we finished our shift we did not speak and when I was trying to talk to him about it he did not seem bothered at all as he kept telling me he wanted to just go home and sleep so in the end he dropped me home and I thought I’ll leave him to get to sleep maybe then we can talk later, but now he hasn’t spoken to me all day and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry if this is very long but I really need advice.

This is counter intuitive because you feel like you need to do something and chase to attract him back into the relationship, but if your bf is losing interest then you probably should pull away and distance yourself;

which may be quite hard to achieve as i understand you both work together

You maybe have been too available

These boys sound very young. Are they?

The friend is an immature jerk, who keeps trying to get your boyfriend in trouble with you. It sounds like he wants his wingman back and he's doing what he can to make that happen. It appears to be working, since it's now caused a rift between you two.

If your boyfriend was smart, he wouldn't feed into that by making silly comments which fuel the fire. I am guessing he's trying to be cool in front of his friend, but it's at the expense of your feelings. I would certainly be wondering just how ready he actually he is for a real relationship. It sounds like he's on his way out, which will be for the best if he truly does want to be single.

Are you exclusive? It seems you are more into the relationship than he is and he's still acting like a single guy. It's up to you to either accept that or end this and find more mature interested guys...who Do Not work there.

Running around snooping into texts and confronting other coworkers and his friends makes you appear a bit desperate dating-wise and a bit unhinged work-wise. Try not to do this and recover your dignity and walk away from childish guys and frat-house antics. You can't change or control what this guy or your coworkers/his friends do/say.. However you Can control ending all the nonsense, ending this situation, getting on dating apps and dating guys who respect you.

I found out about these comments a month later on his phone, and there were comments like “I’m laughing at how miserable your life is” “bros before hoes”. I confronted his friend just last month as I didn’t feel ready to speak to him about the situation.

Believe it or not my boyfriend is 23 and his friend is 19 and maybe what you are saying is true and he isn’t ready for something serious. Also his friend wasn’t always like that but it’s since he made those comments at the start and now it’s become something that is causing us to drift apart from each other, which is not what I want at all, however for him I’m not certain.

We are exclusive I told him from the start I’m not in this relationship for it to not be serious as I’m not a person who wants it to be not worth nothing. I also believe that maybe I’m putting more of the effort on trying to work things out but if he doesn’t want to help work on all of this then maybe I wasn’t worth the time for him. Ending it is the last thing I want, but if he doesn’t want to work on anything and just play around then maybe it would be the best thing for us although it would be extremely difficult for me it may be for the best.

He wouldn't be engaging in this if he respected you or cared about maintaining a relationship. The more you put up with this nonsense, the more you condone and accept shabby treatment and disrespect. It sounds like he enjoys the sex but has no regard for you. Have you ever dated before? Do you know what a healthy and good dating situation looks like?

if he doesn’t want to work on anything and just play around then maybe it would be the best thing for us although it would be extremely difficult for me it may be for the best.

Sometimes the most difficult things are the best things we can do for ourselves.

then my boyfriend made a comment and said “those were the good old days”, and now that makes me feel like I’m maybe a nuisance and he misses his single life and I was so upset I was thinking of telling him if that’s what we wants and doesn’t want a relationship then I won’t stop him...

 

We are exclusive I told him from the start I’m not in this relationship for it to not be serious as I’m not a person who wants it to be not worth nothing. I also believe that maybe I’m putting more of the effort on trying to work things out but if he doesn’t want to help work on all of this then maybe I wasn’t worth the time for him...

Perhaps, this relationship means more to you than it does to him...

Starting out, he may have been on-board with what you spell out here, but as 9 months have gone by, it's clear that he's changed his mind but hasn't told you.

Trust me when I say you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. He sounds very disrespectful and immature. It doesn’t seem you are a priority for him. I would have a serious conversation about where y’alls relationship is and what each of your expectations are from the other person.

They both sound like schoolboys to me. I'd just let this guy go, get out and about with other friends more, and live your life. He's not interested in having anything like a mature, loving relationship and you deserve to find someone who does!