Feeling lost

Hello everyone! I would really appreciate to have your advices, I don’t have many people I could talk to.. I think i would feel better to just say everything i have been keeping in my mind at the moment.

I came to live in UK 2 years ago, i have met someone and i do think he is a good person, he treats me well.. He is kind.. But I’m not feeling complete, there is something missing..

I moved to his house a while ago, but i could never call this place Home, as it’s not mine.. And I don’t feel like it is.. Even tho i do everything around here, i cook.. i clean.. do shopping.. Laundy.. And work during the week. I help him to pay the mortgage and all the bills.. Recently he asked me to marry him, my only request was not having a wedding party.. As I don’t like it.. I’m a quiet person.. Would really appreciate a quiet celebration.

Everything is going the opposite, we are spending more than I would like to! And I’m getting worried over everything! What if one day we separate? Where would i go? As i have nothing in my name.. i have no rights of anything! I have denied a job offer back home (Italy)! It was a very good offer, I would be able to move back home and buy my own house...

My other worry has been about his best friend and partner, I don’t go along very well with them.. And i have never enjoyed parties! But they do.. And every weekend i have to refuse going to pubs and other parties with them..

i can feel my partner gets upset about it.. But i have never stopped him to go anywhere with them!

My last and biggest worry is that i found out my partner uses Viagra to be with me..

he is only 30! I feel very insicure about everything, would be really happy to have advices from you all! Thank you!!

I know you are trying to convince yourself of something......I agree with you, you never get married when there are more cons than pros...you have too many doubts, you don't trust him so why even bother. Me personally would have gone with a more secure route and taken that job offer. Maybe you can see if something like it is available.

It sounds like you are upset that you are being treated like a tenant and housekeeper and that will continue despite being married. It also sounds as though he's told you that nothing will be yours as a wife, particularly his house.

I moved to his house a while ago, but i could never call this place Home, as it’s not mine.. And I don’t feel like it is.. Even tho i do everything around here, i cook.. i clean.. do shopping.. Laundy.. And work during the week. I help him to pay the mortgage and all the bills

Next time a job offer from Italy comes your way, take it and move back.

If you can't afford to be on your own in the UK, then it's time to move home or someplace else.

Never place yourself at the mercy of someone else for a place to lay your head at night.

Are you actually engaged? Did you say yes? Or did he throw this out there to keep you on as a tenant with benefits and free housekeeper?

Recently he asked me to marry him, my only request was not having a wedding party.

I did say that I wanted. But i have expressing that I’m not comfortable with how the wedding plans are going.. He have been hiding a few things from me also, things that i have just found out recently..

it’s hard to start a conversation with him.. As he gets upset and start saying that i have a very pessimistic way to think about the future!

What is he hiding? Why did you say yes with so much doubt and distrust. Are you afraid to move out and get your own place? Why haven't you moved back home?

He have been hiding a few things from me also, things that i have just found out recently..

it’s hard to start a conversation with him.. As he gets upset and start saying that i have a very pessimistic way to think about the future!

I think what it bothered me more.. Was the Viagra. He was hiding that over a year! I understand he can be ashamed from that subject.. But I really would like to understand if the problem might be on me.. or if i could do anything to help it!

I have never been afraid of living by myself, i left my country more than 10 years ago.. And i have always been by myself.

I do love him.. He is the first person i have been with! I stayed here for him! I don’t want his house.. But at the same time.. i would like a safe future as well! I’m helping him to pay for the mortgage! I gave my life savings towards our future! To start a saving account for us! And i have no guarantee at all from anything..

he had a relationship before, lasted 6 years! She left him.. And tried to take everything from him. I would understand if he tells me thaf he is afraid i would do the same! And i think we could reach a deal after that.. I could get my own place.. or we could stay together.. Married.. And helping each other..

Is that the excuse he uses? You seem to have so many complaints ab out him. His friends, his sexuality, his wanting a wedding, just about everything. Why are you still giving him all this money and free housekeeping service? That is the major problem, not how big a party or you don't like his friends, etc. Don't marry someone you dislike this much, do not trust whatsoever, do not even want to stay with and have nothing in common with.

She left him.. And tried to take everything from him.

I gave my life savings towards our future! To start a saving account for us! And i have no guarantee at all from anything..

Don't do this until after you are Mrs. Him because, yeah, you have no guarantee at all for anything. You're with someone who hides the fact that he take viagra---what else is he lying by omission about?

he had a relationship before, lasted 6 years! She left him.. And tried to take everything from him. I would understand if he tells me thaf he is afraid i would do the same! And i think we could reach a deal after that.. I could get my own place.. or we could stay together.. Married.. And helping each other..

Or maybe she took what she invested, just like you're investing, because she wasn't his wife.

Yes. This. It seems he lives with women he strings along talking marriage so he can get sex, housekeeping and a fool to pay him a lot of expenses and give him money. Sorry it sounds like you are being scammed and the story about the last woman is the typical "victim" style lie. An excuse to manipulate you.

maybe she took what she invested, just like you're investing, because she wasn't his wife.