Growing tired, lonely, and dare I say bored...

So basically I started dating this guy two years ago. We hit it off instantly. Shortly after, we unexpectedly got pregnant. So now I am a mother. Not only am I raising my son, but I am also partially raising his daughter from a previous relationship. I’ve been watching her for the entire two years we’ve been together. It started out as a generous offer so that he could see her more since he was only able to for two days a week at the time. Her mother jumped on the opportunity to have me watch her and has taken an advantage of me for quite some time. For example, having me watch her throughout my entire pregnancy while he worked constantly. Always asking for us to keep her longer than was agreed for, which he always agreed to as well. So on and so forth. As of right now, I am still staying at home with my son and I’m keeping the stepchild on weekends since she started school last fall.

I’m starting to grow very tired, seeing as he works 6 days a week. I carry the lionshare of the work when it comes to the baby. Always the one to wake with him during night time hours, and in the morning. I’m the one who puts him to bed and I’m the one who watches him all day long. As a mother, I know a lot of this responsibility is on me and I am fine with that. I think where I am growing so tired is due to him never really offering to let me sleep a full night or offering to take care of him in the morning when he wakes. Same thing on weekends since their father works through the weekend. So therefore I have the workload I normally carry, but times two. Also, any time the daughter has a teacher work day, we keep her. Her mother has a very active social life, and lives with her mother so therefore she has constant help.

I am flat out thoroughly exhausted. I don’t live near any family that has any interest in helping but have family in another state that would love for me to move closer to them so that they could be a part of my son growing up and helping me with him from time to time. But my boyfriend refuses to move there since his daughter lives here, which I understand.

Not only am I exhausted from raising two kids, but I’m also growing very bored with the fact that I have no other outside activities to engage in. And whenever I do plan to go out with a friend, I end up taking the baby with me. Most of the time even if he is home from work, that is the case. Every now and then I will tell him I need to leave the baby with him, but rarely.

Here lately I am starting to grow very depressed with where I am at in life. I have this overwhelming desire to get back out there and it won’t go away. I desperately want to go back to school so I can start investing in a career. But that is impossible seeing as where I am living, I have no support. I want to go back to work, but I am constantly expected to watch over the children.

The boyfriend and I also don’t have a very rich relationship, and I don’t mean money. I mean experiences. The only time he’s ever made it a priority to take me on a date is when I have brought it to his attention. In the two years we have been dating, we have went on 5 or 6 total? Maybe. He seems to be content with going to work, coming home and hanging out for a few hours and then going to bed, day in and day out. I’m just getting to a place where I don’t know what to talk to him about because nothing exciting takes place anymore.

We’re also having some financial problems. He’s the only one working, as I stated before. And I have never had any concrete say so over our money. He says that his money is our money. And gives me some to spend on myself here and there. But we do seem to run out of money rather quickly and I can’t account for it so it’s driving me batty. He gives me a quick run down and always says “it adds up.” Which I understand. I have been out on my own since I was 18 and I’m now going on 26. I just think that we need to have more than one income because right now we are in a cycle of living paycheck to paycheck and I’d like to make a nice life for my children and myself.

I know this post was a little sporadic. Still, any and all advice would be appreciated. I’m open to giving more details if there are any questions. Please and thank you.

I think you should tell him all of the things you said here. If you can do it, read him your post. He really needs to sit down and listen to you and work out a way for you to have a life, as much as you can with a baby and a child who is not your own. No doubt you are tired and bored and restless. You have to speak up.

I have discussed with him all of these things and I feel like in the moment he listens and cares and even suggests ways for us to improve upon these things. I’m just starting to grow tired of even discussing the issues because they haven’t really changed. I mean, he will get up with me for a few nights in a row to help get the baby back to sleep. But that doesn’t exactly give me a night of rest. It just means both of our sleep is disturbed. And then slowly but surely he falls off with that again. He claims that he does not hear the baby, but there have been several occasions where he wakes me up to tend to our son, instead of just taking it upon himself. I understand that he works a lot and therefore is tired, but he isn’t working much over 40 hours and I feel the children are just as much his responsibility as they are mine. Taking turns wouldn’t kill him, especially since he doesn’t have to work an early morning shift every day. He’s got two shifts a week where he wakes early for work, the others are all evening shifts. I’ve asked him to please try and get one more day off, specifically on weekends whenever his daughter is here with us. Mainly so that he has a full day with her, but also to help take a little of the weight off of me. She’s with me more than her father, and I don’t see how that is fair to either of them? Maybe I am being unreasonable? In which case, please say so.

As far as me growing bored with our relationship, I don’t know what I can do considering we are without a vehicle at the moment and so we are always stuck at home... To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if moving closer to my family would be a smart decision for me? I’d have the support I need to get back into school. And I wouldn’t be alone all the time. I love my boyfriend very very much, so I’m not saying leaving him wouldnt make me deeply hurt. I just don’t know if staying in a stagnant situation with my lover is the best thing for me and our son...

You teach people how to treat you. If you act like a doormat, people will step all over you. Just because you agreed to watch your stepchild for so many days in the past, doesn't mean you can't change things and tell your husband that you're no longer willing to take on those extra days throughout the week.

There are some activities that might take place in your community that would be good for you. Look into Mommy and Me groups. Usually, the library has events for children in a particular age group. If you meet some other moms that you click with, perhaps you can trade babysitting hours, and then maybe you can attend classes at night. If your husband gets home from work at a decent hour, maybe you can take out a college loan and go to night school.

Trading babysitting hours might also be good for a date night with your bf. How about you write a monthly date night on the calendar and write whose turn it is to plan it, telling him your wish for him to put in the effort as well.

Once your child starts attending school, you will be able to work without having to pay childcare. In the meantime, you might look into working at a daycare center, as some of them let your child attend free if you work there. On Sundays, if he's off that day, maybe you could start a hobby where you spend half that day on your passion/interest. You need a break from childrearing and having some adult conversation with people who share your interest. Or if you have an idea of a future career, you could even spend 4 hours a week on his day off volunteering where you want to work, and by the time your child enters school, the employer will know you and your work ethic, and you might be qualified by then to work there. Just an idea.

Communicate what you want with your husband, and give him concrete suggestions. Avoid being vague or saying what you don't want. And yes, you want to start planning a route to a career where you're earning money, because you always want to be financially independent if your relationship crashes. Good luck.

Money will disappear and there will be lethargy as long as he continues to use drugs and he buys them on the street. Please contact the relatives who will help you. Also get to social services. They can help you with your substance abuse, money, a place to live, career training and therapy as well as child care. However you will have to enter a drug treatment program in order to continue to get help. Do it for yourself and your child.

That’s what I’ve been thinking about a lot here lately. It’s like I keep seeing signs, motivational quotes seem to be directed at me, and I even withdrew from the boyfriend the last several days. He’s been sick with the flu and we’ve been sleeping separately. During these last few days, I’ve payed closer attention to myself, my inner self, and have been putting his needs second for a change. I keep finding myself daydreaming about making a very drastic change. Possibly moving to live with my family a few states over?

Hear me out on the drug thing. While I have been taking street drugs on a pretty much daily basis, I’m not taking an excessive amount, and I have a pretty strong sense of will when I make my mind up to change something. I think I’ve honestly been doing this because my life has been so bland lately, and it definitely makes what would be a boring life filled with more euphoria. I’ve went to visit this family for extended periods of time in the recent past, in which time I didn’t have the meds, and I was honestly just fine. I had things to do to fill my days up, and I was surrounded by family who loves me a lot. And so is my son every time we go visit them.

Back to the boyfriend thing... I’ve been thinking heavily of ending things and starting a new chapter. And I’m leaning on doing so very soon. Need to get in contact with my family and talk things over with them, of course. I know they will accepting of our coming out there, waiting with open arms. Nevertheless, there are details to work out. Such as the child we share. Just been picturing the rest of my life as it is now, and I am NOWHERE near content with that. I’m a smart girl, always made great grades, did a little schooling after I got my high school diploma but never finished college, and I grew up rather tough due to a lackluster childhood. I’ve got a solid head on my shoulders, just been keeping my head in the sand over a love that I’m really starting to think won’t last. I think he’s a great person, I really do. And I care for him. I just think he doesn’t have the same drive that I do to change things for himself and that frightens me. I just don’t want to waste the rest of my youth sitting in a house, caring for a kid and a man. I’d rather be building a career and life for myself and my son, while giving more energy into my boy, and providing him a higher quality life.

Thank you for the advice. It only adds to what I’ve already been thinking and feeling here lately.