Husband hates my mother and doesnt want me to have a relationship with her.

I am going on 7 years of marriage and my husband hates my mother. She lies a lot and is always in every body's business. She never tells my husband what to do but he thinks she is always talking about him. I told her to make sure that she doesn't talk about us to other people and she said that she wont. He still doesn't believe her. It got to the point that he doesn't believe anything that she says and we are fighting about it all the time. He now wants me to not have a relationship with her or our son who is 3 years old. It is impossible to pick your mother or husband. He is so mad over the situation that now everything that happens in our life is either my mothers doing or my fault according to him. Now he is saying that he is going to pack and leave because he is so stressed he cant even work. Now he says that he doesn't trust me because I'm her daughter and thinks I'm always lying to him, which I'm not. I just don't know what to do?

His request is not reasonable. He can't not determine if you have a relationship with your mom or if your son does either. He is playing dirty pool. Maybe go to marriage counselling?

If your mother is doing all these things, he has legit reasons to be upset. Can you not speak to her and ask her to stop the gossip and lying and if she won't comply then you will not have her around?

I too believe that it's crucial who children are around and your son does not need to pick up on these behaviors.

Mothers have their place, but your marriage is important and right now should be number one. If your mother is causing problems, YOU are the one who needs to sort it out, even if it means backing away from her.

She lies a lot and is always in every body's business.

 

Now he is saying that he is going to pack and leave because he is so stressed he cant even work. Now he says that he doesn't trust me because I'm her daughter and thinks I'm always lying to him, which I'm not.

Your mom sounds in the wrong but your husband's reaction also sounds extreme. It sounds like both your mother and your husband have their own issues and you are stuck in the middle. It sounds like you need to seek professional help. Would your husband agree to marriage counseling? If not, seeking individual counseling for yourself might be a good idea as it sounds like you are dealing with two very difficult people.

Just my two cents and I genuinely wouldn't mind someone letting me know. Just say that her husband will go to marriage counselling, how will that help if mom keeps lying and causing fights and stirring up trouble?? I can see why the husband is fed up and why he does not want his son around this type of behavior or to have his family caught up in drama after drama caused by the mother.

Marriage counseling can definitely help with this -- it can help a couple to see how outside influence affect them differently and teach them to work together as a team to cope with the situation. I have done it for this very reason and it worked very well.