How Do I Resolve Trust Issues?

I am a 34 year old woman married to my 36 year old husband for 3 years now. We met over 14 years ago as young adults. Throughout the course of our relationship, there have been several ups and downs. I found out many shocking things about him, such as looking for sex partners online, porn and lewd texts about women between his friends. I fell into depression and anxiety, managed to recover and forgave him for all of these and married him. However, i have deep rooted trust issues that have taken a turn for the worse.

Recently, he hired a 19 year old to work in his office. She doesn't necessarily have the credentials to do the job he advertised for, but he says that he sees potential in her and that he can't afford to employ someone with more qualifications..

Since she started work, he has broached the topic of having the need to work late. I said no because that would mean he would be back at 11pm. We would have no quality time together since he works weekends too. I suggested he work at home but he says tv is a major distraction.

When speaks about her, he avoids eye contact with me. He looks forward to go to work, has lunch with her and they talk about personal issues. It is also a small office so I can understand the need to build rapport. However, I think that he has to set a professional boundary but he wants to be a friendly boss. He says that he wants to be a boss that he wishes he had.

Recently, when i went to his launch party, I overhead some men saying that my husband had hired her because they needed an eye candy for their company. I was so upset that I left hurriedly.

On that day, I was looking at the event location geotag on social media and found her profile. Being a millennial, she has a need to overshare everything online and I discovered some posts that mentioned meeting my husband for lunch and some errands they had run together. I also found out my husband had also lied about where he had been a few days ago.

Yesterday, my husband was frantically looking for a book that he wanted to loan her because she had mentioned that she writes. He could have just given the title and author but he wanted to give his personal copy so it could be conversation starter. I admit I could be reading too much into this.

This triggered me to find out more about her and why my husband was hankering after her so much. I went to her social media profile and saw this post from her twitter page. The tweet reads, ' My 36 year old boss just told me he would hit on me if he was 19'.

I was shocked and confronted him the next day. He mentioned that it sounds wrong but claimed that i need to understand the context behind it. Apparently, he had wanted to cheer her up and that she was his sidekick, his mentee. He said that he has always worked with attractive women, so if it is not her, it will be another. He confronted her and she said that it was meant to be a positive tweet and not that he was being a creep. But in this time of Harvey Weinstein and the rest of the creeps of the world, doesn't it look wrong? Does it not cross the professional boundary?

My heart is broken. I have never been disrespectful to my husband with regards to how I treat him emotionally but he keeps breaking my spirit. I have never made him feel inferior like how he makes me feel.

I had a total breakdown yesterday and am considering leaving him for my peace of mind.

Am I over reacting?

No need to worry. It is the same problem that are facing many ones. Trust issues can not be resolved by quickly. It is solvable by day by day. To solve these kinds of issues first you want to stay as strong and confident. Be positive, all can be achieved.

He is crossing so many boundaries, disrespecting you, and harming the reputation and sanctity of your marriage. You are right to feel disrespected and disappointed.

It seems like you are responding to a series of events , not just this woman. Also, that your husbamd is dismissive od you, and rather sloppy.

You are miserale. Irs not the first time.Worth considering.

He is showing every sign of disrespecting you and your marriage -- he is putting his interest in her above your feelings and your expressed concern. This is not something you can fix and it is not something you should overcome. You should either leave or suggest counseling -- if he refuses, you know where you stand. It is possible that with counseling this issue could be resolved, but the work would have to be done, and it doesn't seem like he has sufficient interest to do it. I am very sorry you are in this situation.

This guy has never really respected or loved you, OP.

I would not be able to remain married to a man like this. For your own benefit and self-worth, you might want to strongly consider ending this marriage.