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Thread: Should I forgive him

  1. #1
    Vaness1
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    Should I forgive him

    So basically Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year. Im going to give a bit of background, when we started dating I was considered as the "Too attractive for him" or "Too good for him" but it never bothered me that he wasnt attracitve because I wanted to give him a chance. It was great then we started fighting then great again just normal couple fights. Never anything serious. He moved in with me and after about 3 months I noticed that hes looking at all these women on social media. Now they were not normal girls that you see, they were the ones that clearly are models or have had work done. You know the ones you used to see on vine with perfect unrealistic bodies. This did bother me because he stopped complementing me and stopped really paying attention to me. Before this happened I started getting really insecure about my body and he knew it (I started using a contraceptive injection depo provera which has made me gain weight nothing too drastic but still visible) He would always say that Im gorgeous and I should look at him because he gained a lot more weight than me. I do think that I have signs of body dismorphia however thats not the point. the point is that when he was looking at these girls he knew that Im self cautious and its not really helping me, its making me feel "not good enough" which is ironic. Bare in mind I have never made him feel like I was too good for him its what people would say (not in front of him).

    I told him about it and asked why he did it, he would reply with "idk" "im sorry" which I knew he knew why he did it. I kept on asking and he said "I fancied them because i found them attracitve" then "just break up with me". So I did. When it got to him that ive broken up with him he started apologizing and crying. He was on hes knees begging me to forgive him. He was crying really bad like Ive never seen him this upset ever in our whole relationship. I kept on saying no until he said that hes life is not worth living which just hit my soft spot because I do love him and I know he loves me. Hes had suicidal thoughts before we were going out, he said that I make hes life so much better Im the only thing hes living for (This was before the arguing, it was when out relationship was going good) So after he said that to me I said that Ill give him a second chance which at first he was saying that he doesnt want this to be the only reason im going to give him another chance. But I did speak to him and explained that if it was I would tell his mum or someone else to look after him so he doesnt do it which he believed.

    Know this is the problem. I keep on thinkng about it and its been nearly 2 weeks I feel like I cant forgive him. I feel like he doesnt deserve me after what he did to me. I feel like it would be better if we broke up so I could focus on myself. But I love him and I know he loves me (He has shown that he loves me a lot before the problem) He said that he didnt appreciate me before as much so he will do now like he should, that he will fix it. After breakng up and losing me hes realized and opened his eyes to see how he needs to appreciate me a lot more.

    I just dont know if this looks promising. Hes shown more caring, giving compliments and bought me some gifts. Shows that he cares more. I just want your opinion.

  2. #2
    Hollyj
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    What! He moved in after three months! Why in the world would you do that? Big mistake, as you can see that you DID NOT even know who he was..

    Your relationship is not healthy on multiple levels. It does not look "promising." Don't be so eager in the future, and wait about aa year before moving people in.

  3. #3
    rosephase
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    You don't think he deserves you because he has models on his facebook feed? You think him threatening suicide is a reason to stay with him? You had "normal couple fights" in a year? You moved in three months in?

    How old are you? This sounds like a whole bunch of poorly thought out drama. It doesn't sound like either of you are in any kind of place to be in a long term committed relationship.

  4. #4
    Wiseman2
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    Unfortunately it sounds like you didn't from the beginning.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vaness1 [Register to see the link]
    I was considered as the "Too attractive for him" or "Too good for him". I feel like he doesnt deserve me after what he did to me.

  5. #5
    Vaness1
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    Okay I guess I wasnít clear enough. We were doing long distance and thatís why after about 8 months he moved in. Then after 3 months he stared doing what I said in the post.

  6. #6
    ThatwasThen
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    I just dont know if this looks promising. Hes shown more caring, giving compliments and bought me some gifts. Shows that he cares more. I just want your opinion
    Well, no one would know the future so all you can do is wait and see if you and he can make the relationship work. It takes two so don't expect him to be doing all the work while you just accept his improvements.

    If you do break up again, don't let him talk you out of it with the manipulative tactic of threatening suicide. Call mental health services in your area and his family and tell them that he's threatening to harm himself and have them take care of him.

    You might also want to consider your own personal therapy to help you with your insecurity and body image issues. Your going to have a hard time finding a guy that doesn't look at other women. Most people appreciate looking at attractive people so you'd do well to thicken up your skin on that account.

  7. #7
    Vaness1
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    The thing is he would ask me ďwhy are you even with meĒ he was concerned about it and I would act like I donít know what he means.

  8. #8
    rosephase
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vaness1 [Register to see the link]
    Okay I guess I wasnít clear enough. We were doing long distance and thatís why after about 8 months he moved in. Then after 3 months he stared doing what I said in the post.
    The first 8 months were long distance and then he moved in? That isn't making a better case for the relationship. It sounds like you both rushed it a lot. You are to insecure for a partner and he threatened to KILL HIMSELF. I think you both need time being single.

  9. #9
    Vaness1
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    Thanks for the good adivice as it is true. I guess I need to just deal with the fact heís gonna find other people attractive

  10. #10
    Hollyj
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    What do you mean you were doing long distance? You met this guy online?

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