I just want to have more attention

So pretty much me and my boyfriend just recently got together a month ago. I met him 5 months ago and from the very start he was so interested in me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. However, since I was still heartbroken from my ex breaking up with me in Dec 2016 I was scared to get into a new relationship. So the past few months I was loyal to my boyfriend but just didn't put a 'label' on it. Tbh, it was pretty good but except I just had my wall up all the time. Then a few months in October we were so good but one day he said he needed a 'break' from us because he was stressed from work.

I accepted this and tried to give him some space but during these few days he changed his attitude and it turned out he was liking this new girl. and then later on I found out he slept with the girl. This really really hurt me. A few days after, we agreed to chat about it and ended up getting into a relationship and he called things off with the girl.

However, since being in a official relationship - I feel like he doesn't try as he use to do from the start. I feel like I've been putting most of the work in but I'm still hurting from the situation. Everyday I try to tell him that I would like a bit more attention because of the situation but tbh, there hasn't been much change.

What do you recommend I should do??

So pretty much me and my boyfriend just recently got together a month ago. I met him 5 months ago and from the very start he was so interested in me and wanted to be in a relationship with me. However, since I was still heartbroken from my ex breaking up with me in Dec 2016 I was scared to get into a new relationship. So the past few months I was loyal to my boyfriend but just didn't put a 'label' on it. Tbh, it was pretty good but except I just had my wall up all the time. Then a few months in October we were so good but one day he said he needed a 'break' from us because he was stressed from work.

 

I accepted this and tried to give him some space but during these few days he changed his attitude and it turned out he was liking this new girl. and then later on I found out he slept with the girl. This really really hurt me. A few days after, we agreed to chat about it and ended up getting into a relationship and he called things off with the girl.

 

However, since being in a official relationship - I feel like he doesn't try as he use to do from the start. I feel like I've been putting most of the work in but I'm still hurting from the situation. Everyday I try to tell him that I would like a bit more attention because of the situation but tbh, there hasn't been much change.

 

What do you recommend I should do??

Leave! You deserve much better then someone giving you breadcrumbs and sleeping w/other women. He will not change no matter how much you talk to him, been there myself and if the guy doesn't try from the 1st time you tell him, he never will. Stop putting off things in your life and find someone better.

I was in a situation like yours, though the guy didn't sleep w/another woman. We were long distance and he never paid any attention to me. I felt very abandoned and disappointed, he ended up dumping me (blessing in disguise) and though it took awhile, I met a man who pays a lot of attention to me.

What is "attention" to you? What is it that he's not doing that you would like him to do?

Frankly, I think you should leave someone that actually cheated on you rather then agree to be in a relationship with him and now he's not even making you happy or showing you that he values you. Why do you stay with him?

Could what he did be considered cheating, however, since the OP didn't put a "label" on the relationship?

I had a a guy do this to me once. The exact same thing. I took him back and it was the biggest mistake ever. Wasted another 4 months with him.

Eh, he's not that into you anymore if he's slept with someone else. I understand you're official now, but you weren't for a while and it seems he largely lost interest.

His current behaviour reflects that.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

I just don't know if I'm expecting too much because I did have an expectation that he was going to try harder as he caused that situation. However, I just feel like I'm the one whos 'chasing' him now.

I don't know if he has stopped trying because he has me now...

It took me months to build trust on him and accept that he has to interact with a lot of female customers on a daily basis but I'm scared he will find a 'fresh' girl customer.

In a way yeah because the fact he used the word 'break' when he wanted a break from us. We were in a relationship but just didn't use the word 'relationship'.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

 

I just don't know if I'm expecting too much because I did have an expectation that he was going to try harder as he caused that situation. However, I just feel like I'm the one whos 'chasing' him now.

 

I don't know if he has stopped trying because he has me now...

 

It took me months to build trust on him and accept that he has to interact with a lot of female customers on a daily basis but I'm scared he will find a 'fresh' girl customer.

You overplayed your hand and lost your chance. Per what you write: he was initially very interested in you and communicated that he wanted a relationship. You at this point had basically three routes: a) give him a chance and go for it; b) be respectful and empathetic to his feelings for you and let him know that you aren't over your ex, and it wouldn't be fair to him to move forward with things just yet and back off and revisit things later when you feel ready; c) dismiss the guy's vulnerable position and half-ass your way through a unilateral grey-area "no label / walls up" scenario of emotional ambiguity.

Seems like you took option "C." Ok, it was "pretty good" for you, but how was it for him? it's never fun lingering in limbo, feeling "full on" about someone, while they remain uncertain. And you probably know that. It's scary falling for someone and expressing this is often risky and creates vulnerabilities. It's likely he either felt rejected, and was uncomfortable with the seeming asymmetry of interest, which caused him to disengage, or sucked it up, waited for you to come around, but ultimately lost interest due to your aloofness and lack of commitment.

Yeah, bummer he kind of bs'd you about being stressed from work instead of just letting you know that he's no longer interested. But you "caused" the situation just as much, probably more, than him by setting the tone. So maybe reflect on the context that you initially set here. The outcome shouldn't be that surprising. Yeah, he's now doing to you what you first did to him: keeping you around without real commitment while exploring his feelings and other options. Lesson learned.

If you're up to it, which may not be the case, give it a shot at communicating earnestly with him about the entire thing. He may appreciate your efforts and regain his interest. Worst case, you at least grew a little and improved your communication prowess. But it sounds like he's over you (you are asking for attention and he's unconcerned) and is going to jack you around and milk it for what he can.

- meow