How do I know if the things people say about me are legit or just jealousy?

I am currently a teacher and I am working on a masters in ed leadership so that I can one day maybe be an administrator. I am very quiet at work and tend to keep to myself because honestly, my school is a very toxic place and I knew it was before I ever even started but took a job anyways because it’s close to my home. I get along with my principal great. But don’t get along with the assistant principal because she tends to not like young teachers. Recently one of my fellow teachers told me she couldn’t see me ever being an administrator because I’m too nice. I wasn’t sure if I should take that as an insult or compliment. Then another colleague told me that she heard the reading coach telling the assistant principal “did you know Mrs. ..... is getting a masters in ed leadership” and that the assistant principal rolled her eyes and giggled. Like it was ridiculous that I would even think that I could ever be an administrator. My friend that works with me seems to think that the AP is jealous of me. But idk if I believe that. I man why would she possibly be jealous of me? Anyways, how do I know when people are making fun of me for legit reasons or when they are just jealous? I hate feeling like maybe they are right.

She may imagine that you have a better relationship with the principal or some of the other colleagues than she does, but given that you don't get along with her and obviously don't intend to use her as a reference in the future, her opinion is irrelevant.

Do you think you have to work on leadership skills -are you too passive perhaps? Obviously those people should not be gossiping especially in that thoughtless way.

Do you think you have to work on leadership skills -are you too passive perhaps? Obviously those people should not be gossiping especially in that thoughtless way.

Do you think you have to work on leadership skills -are you too passive perhaps? Obviously those people should not be gossiping especially in that thoughtless way.

Do you think you have to work on leadership skills -are you too passive perhaps? Obviously those people should not be gossiping especially in that thoughtless way.

They shouldn't be gossiping, and perhaps they're toxic. But why would the AP be jealous of you? You're a teacher, she's in a higher position of power.

Do you think you have the personal fortitude to be an administrator?

OP don't make Batya ask you a 5th time!

That’s what I thought! Why would she be jealous of a teacher when she’s an AP? Unless it’s for personal reasons outside of our professional work. I don’t think I could be an administrator today, but it’s a goal that I have for myself down the road once I have the experience and knowledge to be a successful leader.

I absolutely need to work on leadership skills, which is why I’m taking classes specifically on leadership. I think I probably am passive in some ways. Like for example, when our AP asks us if we have complaints/concerns, I never speak up because I know that she retaliates if you disagree with her by giving you poor evaluations. So I just keep my mouth shut and don’t say anything.

LOL sorry -my computer reposted that a few times!!! i asked because even though they're being tactless if there's a grain of truth it actually might help you. I don't think choosing your battles is passive at all. Or being quiet. Many leaders are soft spoken/reserved, etc. It's how you carry yourself and how you make decisions.

I'll give you an example. I used to be in a leadership role and now I am not (happy to share why if you wish to know!) but I know my supervisor likes people who have leadership skills and act in a proactive way. Today I emailed her about a project. Instead of using the phrase "do you agree that I should do [x]?" I wrote "by the end of the month, if you agree, I plan to do X." World of difference because I'm telling her I have thought through our options, chosen one that I think is best, and also shown that of course she has to rubber stamp it before I implement it.

Also it's tone of voice -avoid the question mark inflection at the end of a sentence and show confidence when you speak with your body language. For example.

Thanks, that’s really great advice!

The first issue here is you automatically decided "i knew the school was a toxic place before i started working there." That is not a leadership attitude. When you are in a leadership position, you need to deal with all types of personalities. You make a lot of assumptions about people. If you meekly sat in a corner and did not talk to the other faculty - i would seriously doubt your path. There are people who are natural leaders. Maybe you are not -- but maybe you can learn that you can talk to people without "getting involved". its not black and white where its sitting in the corner or becoming embroiled in every aspect of their lives. A coworker of mine got promoted above me because she could get along with everyone - she wasn't everyone's best buddy or anything and she didn't kiss up to anyone either - but no one really suspected he didn't like this person or that person because she was civil and decent to everyone. Liked by everyone because there was no reason to dislike.

As far as any complaints or concerns - i would use that opportunity to share a good idea instead of a "complaint". Instead of "i hate the bake sale" "i think someone is a busy body". say "i had an idea - what if we did the bake sale but invited the Spanish class to come offer gift wrapping for their fundraiser for their trip to Spain and also this other group - that way we have fewer classes that are without teachers during the bake sale hour since teachers have to be at all of those events." Or offer PRAISE of something. You need to see the positive aspects also if you want to be in leadership

btw, for people who 'don't like young teachers" = do you think they are hard on you because they want you to learn?

I absolutely need to work on leadership skills, which is why I’m taking classes specifically on leadership. I think I probably am passive in some ways. Like for example, when our AP asks us if we have complaints/concerns, I never speak up because I know that she retaliates if you disagree with her by giving you poor evaluations. So I just keep my mouth shut and don’t say anything.

Well, using discretion is one leadership skill, and you've estimated the consequences as not worth confiding in this particular person. However, there are ways to raise concerns as potential improvements in your own performance rather than generalized complaints that you dump in a supervisor's lap. For instance, "What would you think about me doing X instead of Y in order to improve Z?"

Nice doesn't automatically equate to being a pushover. I think it's fine to consider their criticisms, and see if there are areas you might need to work on to become an administrator, but I don't think you should take it to heart even if you feel there are things you need to improve. It really just sounds like petty gossip/general workplace nonsense, and if you get upset about everything people *might* say/do/think where you're concerned, you are going to have a pretty stressful career path no matter what you do.

My philosophy is to always keep your own behavior above reproach... meaning, if you're satisfied with the way you handle things and are behaving professionally...they can go fly a kite and who cares what they say.

Nice doesn't automatically equate to being a pushover. I think it's fine to consider their criticisms, and see if there are areas you might need to work on to become an administrator, but I don't think you should take it to heart even if you feel there are things you need to improve. It really just sounds like petty gossip/general workplace nonsense, and if you get upset about everything people *might* say/do/think where you're concerned, you are going to have a pretty stressful career path no matter what you do.

 

My philosophy is to always keep your own behavior above reproach... meaning, if you're satisfied with the way you handle things and are behaving professionally...they can go fly a kite and who cares what they say.

Great advice, because if you aspire to be an administrator, you'll be in the thick of gossip--and the topic of it--for the duration. Best to learn how to roll with it and allow it to roll off of your back. If YOU believe that there's any merit to something a trusted source says to you, then you can privately make that improvement. But trying to read tea leaves based on some pot-stirrer using gossip to hurt your feelings? Skip that, and recognize that not every source is a 'trusted' source, and put that encounter in your pocket as coming from someone who does not necessarily have your best interests at heart.